Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Exclamation Points!

So many! So many!
Exclamation points!
So many! So many!
Whole thing’s out of joint!

Edgy!?! Frightened!?! Nervous!?! Scared!?!

Why are there so many there!?!

Jumping out! Boo! Hark!

Surrounding even question marks!?!

Reading it! Mercy me!

Giving me PTSD!

Surely this must stop now! Oh!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Don’t dare read it in a crowd!

Way too urgent! Way too loud!

And it isn’t getting better!











Thursday, May 13, 2021

Zoom Teachin'!

 I get up in the morning

Get out of my bed

Another day another ray Of existential dread I open up my laptop Log in and I see Lotsa little sleepy eyes Starin’ back at me I tell them all good morning And that they’re lookin’ cute And other stuff til’ one pipes up And tells me I’m on mute Zoom teaching Zoom teaching The hours by go creepin Am I doing any of this right? Zoom teaching (pause) bites Who can get logged in here? Half the class almost I got bumped out the meeting Now a 5 year old’s the host The internet’s unstable My feed is really glitchy It isn’t hard to see why educators get so... cranky Zoom teaching Zoom teaching So much etiquette we’re breaching This is How we make kids learn and think? Zoom teaching stinks Br. Oh It isn’t all that bad I get to stay home with my wife And i do wish kids had mute buttons On them in real life The coffee maker’s right there So I can fill my cup And I get to wear my sweat pants As Long As I don’t stand up The commute cannot be beat And the schedule’s not too menacing If only I felt like I was Accomplishing anything Zoom teaching Zoom teaching Hear that feedback screechin’ Is any of this worthwhile, who knows Zoom teaching (pause) blows Oops I’m still on mute Oops I didn’t share my screen Oops I did share and that website well it’s borderline obscene Oops the google doc I need’s Behind a firewall Oops I don’t think this is Even my classroom at all Zoom teaching Zoom teaching I’d much rather be on the beachin’ I can’t take this for another week Zoom teachin’ reeks Motivatin’ kids is easy Who would not rather do math On the same device where they Play Roblox and MineCraft? It’s a frustrating or boring Way for time to pass I actually wrote this song while I was technically teachin’ class (True story!) Zoom teaching Zoom teaching Oh please end this I’m beseeching This is why teachers make the big bucks… Zoom teaching sucks (goodnight everybody!)

Wednesday, May 05, 2021

Illegal Immigrants

Somebody stole my hat

It was a nice one at that

Custom made and signed Truly one of a kind So I found my rich friend I see now and again And when I met him, dread My hat was on his head Thought I’d caught him red-handed That lame hat-stealing bandit. I asked him “did he know Who might’a stolen my chapeau?” He thought of it a while Then looked at me and smiled He said “Oh, yes, your hat! I do know all bout that… It. Was. Illegal immigrants musta been Illegal immigrants One percent of them controls Two thirds of all the world’s wealth I’m told Illegal immigrants musta been Illegal immigrants Ya; know, they run the world Look over there! Squirrel! Illegal immigrants musta been Illegal immigrants Blame them for everything 2 I did not find his story Quite Satisfactory I couldn’t understand This corporate hat stand This silly one-percenter Could have been a my-hat-renter Yet he hadn’t even hid After he’d purloined my lid The crime it seemed so brazen His lying pants emblazoned He was s’posed to be my friend Turns out he’s just a horse’s end But that didn’t bother him He just looked at me grim Said he’d done all he can Then muttered “migrant caravan” Full of... Illegal immigrants musta been Illegal immigrants If it weren’t for their welfare I might give you healthcare Illegal immigrants Had to be illegal immigrants Man it’s such a crock They own 80 percent of all stocks Illegal immigrants musta been Illegal immigrants Blame ‘em for everything! 3 I left the hat with him I knew I couldn’t win Like all other things it went Right on up to the one percent He donned the hat of theft And tipped it to me as he left He threw it on a scrap heap Built of tons of other caps he Very clearly didn’t need A hat-themed monument to greed It filled me so with doubt What was this episode about? It so much hurt my mind That I was robbed by my own kind That even to this day I try to explain it all away Saying, it had to be Illegal Immigrants Maybe it WAS illegal immigrants Them and that George Soros They got it in for us Illegal immigrants I think it ‘was Illegal immigrants Between them and ISIS They caused the mortgage crisis Illegal immigrants musta been Illegal immigrants Blame them for everything

Tuesday, May 04, 2021

You Got the Right To Love

We got a fine constitution here

In this land of the free

But when it comes to given’ rights

It don’t go far enough for me

Because there are a lot of folks

Who just keep interferin’

With other folks freedom to choose

To whom they are endearing

So I’m proposing an amendment

And I’d be gratified

If you’d get it listened to

And, well, maybe ratified

You have the right… to…

Wed who ya’ want

Bed who ya’ want

Dress how ya’ want

Caress who ya’ want

Touch who ya’ want

Clutch who ya’ want

Choose the groom that you want

Use the bathroom you want

Wear what ya’ want

Be there for who ya’ want

Text who ya’ want

Sex who ya’ want

See who ya’ want and

Be who ya’ want

You got the right to love

I look upon the landscape and I have to say “oh brother”

Don’t we got bigger problems than folks tryin’ to love each other?

Let’s lighten up and smarten up and change the hateful tone

Bein’ free means you are free to leave lovers alone!

I’m tired of this obsession with where everybody pees

‘Cause you got one o’ those or this or that or one o’ these

Outlawing this outlawing that America, what is this?

Exercise your god-given right to mind your own damned bus’ness

Or to not to…

Friday, June 12, 2020

National Strike

National strike, General strike
Call it whatever a thing you might like
Society’s getting poorer each day
Poorer in  figur’tive and lit’ral ways
And for tools to change it, we’re almost bereft
I’m dearly afraid we have but one left
We’ve got to hit hard in the one place it hurts
If ever to give out and get just desserts
Though it may seem drastic, nothing works like
National strike. National strike

The system is rigged. That's established fact
Elections are tilted, the courts are all stacked
Wealth buys power. Simple enough for ya?
We see it before us. It’s not paranoia
And it’s wrong. No denying. It’s foul and it’s strange
But from inside the system the system won’t change
We must force the rulers who rule to amend it
By using the only leverage that can bend it.
Violence won’t work. Don’t need heads on pikes
National strike. National strike.

80 percent want background checks
Can’t get that done
60 percent want a green new deal
Can’t get that done
Two-thirds want to vote by mail
Can’t get that done
The problem with democracy?
We don’t have one

Protests are fine Protests are great
Something to do when we all get irate
But when media’s run by Billionaire jerks
The narrative’s sidelined and they just don’t work
They can always deflect to get back to the norm
As long as Fox News has it’s well-heeled platform
The Truth is our ally in this class war
But they’ve made sure there isn’t Truth anymore
Until we at least get a turn at the mic
National strike. National strike.

This won’t get solved by folks out in the streets
Or timely facebook posts nor viral tweets
Or angry op-eds or vocal objections
Or blog posts or Insta or Zoom comment sections 
This will get solved only once we take ‘way
The thing we still hold that still holds any sway
The only thing the ruling class cares about
Their making of wealth in obscene amounts
Sometimes you must take away the addict’s pipe
National strike. National strike.

We’ll never outspend them, never out sway them
That’s not a thing we can do
But our labor they need. They live on our backs.
When we kneel, they have to kneel too.

In a more perfect world, with a more perfect we
Democracy fixes it all One two three.
But the system’s corrupted in way that’s not funny
Pols don’t chase votes anymore, they chase money
And money, my colleagues, my homies, my friends
There ain’t much of that to be found on our end
So with a system so brutal corrupted
The labor supply needs to be interrupted
With the one thing our overlords really dislike

National strike. National strike!

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Trump is an Alien

When it finally comes out that Trump is and always was an alien from outer space sent down to destroy humanity from within, we’re all gonna feel pretty stupid. I mean, the dude is bright orange for crying out loud! It’s gonna be quite the head slapper. We really should have seen that coming.

He’s not even that good a simulation of a human being, right? That simulation is flawed. They messed up the software. He’s clearly still in beta testing, but they rolled him out anyway and 44% of us fell for it.

Would you really be surprised if he was just what an alien thinks a human being is sort of like? “I don’t know. Humans talk about how great they are all the time don’t they? They aren’t capable of compassion are they? Because programming compassion would take a lot of time and 2016 is right around the corner… Tell you what, we’ll give him spite, vanity and vengeance as far as emotions go, but nothing complex. Tight skedj here!”

The fuckers didn’t even bother making him a NATURAL HUMAN COLOR! And we (well, 44% of we...) bought it.

And he’s working out perfectly for them. He’s warming up the planet to just the temperature they want. “It’s all a Venusian… I mean a Chinese hoax!” He’s got everyone mistrusting everyone by race, ethnicity, and population density. Divide and conquer. No way humanity is rising up Independence Day style. Nope. He ain’t no Bill Pullman. (I would totally swap Bill Pullman for him right now, no questions asked. Straight up trade today, no backsies.)

It is the perfect blueprint for taking over another planet, if we ever get to that level of advancement. (Which thanks to Trump and his fear of science, we likely never will now.) 5 easy steps:

1. Install a “leader” in the planet’s most powerful country.
2. Lie 18,000 times in 3 years.
3. Let him work his orange magic teaching that the only way forward is to hate, fear and divide.
4. Make sure he never wears a tan suit. Oh the scandal! The scandal!
5. Make Pluto Great Again!

We’ll have them drinking bleach in no time.

Sunday, April 05, 2020

They Drown

New poem:

There’s a child in a pool
Water it can be so cruel
See him there, for the third time, he’s going down
Oh he’s not doing well
So he’s raising holy hell
And while you ask, “Why’s he screaming?”
He drowns.
While you ask, “Why’s he screaming?”
He drowns.

There are people on a boat
Trying hard to stay afloat
It’s aflame and taking water all around
They send up an SOS
Reasons for which you can guess
And while you ask “Why are they screaming?”
They drown
While you ask, “Why’s he screaming?”
They drown.

It always seems quite telling
That we fixate on the yelling
And we never seem to ask why that’s the case
Folks scream out that they’re boned
All we’re concerned with is the tone
And that there is our national disgrace

See the frogs in the hot water
How we tell them that they oughta
Get out of there, their situation stinks
But they boil and they choke
They quite literally croak
We ask “Why the screaming?” as
Their precious species go extinct.

It isn’t so heroic
To think yourself quite stoic
And cop a laissez faire attitude
To watch them desperate trying 
Then tell them “while you’re dying,
Could you please spare us all the drama there dudes?”

As The ocean levels rise
To absolutely none’s surprise
And many of us see what’s going down
Because we’re going under
Lord, we raise a royal thunder
And while you say “Why are they screaming?”
We all drown.
While you say “Why the screaming?”
We all drown.
While you say “Why are they screaming?”
Everybody drowns

Friday, August 31, 2018

Worship. A poem

Show me what you have and I’ll show you what you worship
I see the Mother with her seven children
I see the Husband dote upon his wife.
I see the preacher with his private helicopter

Show me what you have and I will show you what you worship
I see the Diva soaking up her fame.
I see the Comedian driving bar to bar, joke to joke.
I see the preacher with his shiny gulfstream

Show me what you have and I will show you what you worship
I see the Politician and his war chest.
I see the General and all his arsenal.
I see the preacher and his golden watch.

Show me what you have and I will show you what you worship
I see the Artist in a garage of canvases, reeking of oils
I see the Mechanic covered black in grease with rough scarred hands
I see the preacher clad in Armani before an awestruck throng of rubes

Show me what you have and I will show you what you worship
I see the Surfer, sandy tied to longboard.
I see the Addict shaking, lighter in hand.
I see the preacher in his megachurch of crystal.

Show me what you have and I will show you what you worship
I see the Librarian and a sea of books
I see the Scientist and a mountain of data
I see the preacher and his multi-media global empire

Show me what you have and I will show you what you worship
I see the writer with not much more than this poem
I see the monk with faith, a robe, a hard floor to sit on.
I see the preacher with his giant piles of other people’s cash.

Show me what you have.
Show me what you have.

Show me what you have and I will tell you

Monday, August 20, 2018


God knew Adam before he was born. He knows everything, so this was not a surprise.
Controlling time and space as he does, He pulled Adam aside, touched him by the finger
as is commemorated and asked him if he was prepared for the task ahead of him. God
showed compassion to Adam, because, despite the current evangelical opinion, God
wasn't a bad person. He just wasn’t a person. At all.
God gave Adam a choice. Such as it was. God gave Adam a choice.

God spoke. God asked:

said God, in his most person-like persona:

I will make you the first man. The only man for a while. And the fleeting fame therewith.

It will go badly. You will die. Bad choices will be made. Blame will falsely fall. All would
have died anyway, but all subsequent death will be blamed on you. The original.

Your sons will be murderers, victims, and excuses. You will bear a world so corrupt it needs
be reconstructed and redone over. Millions drowned. World rid of your hateful offspring
by baptism of all but eight. A Baptism of no further breath… Then the whole world will start
over with the same exact awfulness. A flood proven pointless.

Generations upon generations will issue from there. It will not go well. There will be pain.
And all of it will date back to you. All of that pain will in some way I suppose, be yours to

There will be still-births. Hope snuffed out by me and blamed on you. So often that it won’t
be talked about. Children, all, smited by my righteousness but mostly by my whim. And no
mortal knowing the difference of the two. As if they might matter. Blamed on you.

And then, my dear Adam. Oh, you do not know what this is yet. My greatest joke on you
But it is called war. And what a waking nightmare that is my friend.
(For Adam was God’s friend. As I’ve said. God is not a horrible person. It’s just that he is
not a person…)

War my friend. This will be worse than all of it. You will have millions of children! Oh
glorious day! Who would not want this?  But then they will kill each other! Oh! Will they
kill each other! Millions will kill each other! With the Jawbone of an ass. Then with a
sling full of stones.Then sword and sword and sword and sword… Arrows and arrows.
Bullets and bullets, then bombs and bombs.
Not always in my name. True mostly in my name.  But not always. I shall take solace in that,
though solace means little to me. I made solace for you, but not nearly enough of it.

There will be crusades where prisoners are taken and days upon days are spent executing
them with swords, one by one, because they can not be fed and hatred would deem that
even if they could, they wouldn’t be. Blood. On sand. On water. On the richest loam and
over the most fervent crops. For every excuse the landscape gives, ten times that much
violence. It is not the land that makes the bloodshed, it is your children, Adam. Your children
shall kill and kill and never be worthy of me or the conversation we’re having right now.

And have I mentioned Famine? And Pestilence? Your children will think it cliche, but they,
with War and Death will eternally be there. They shall ever ensure that only the pettiest,
the greediest and the self-servingest of your children shall survive. Sure, some will figure
out what math and logic are, but that will only make the other deaths more tragic..
Twenty-thousand years of illogical pain before logic is even invented. And all that that
discovery will give your children is more shame. More shame than your eternal soul will be
able to bear.

Oh! And! said God. And and and and and!
Have I not mentioned the gas chambers? The genocides? Do I even need to?
Are you still even listening at this point? And such will happen over and over and over
again… Your children who are different than your children killing your children who are
different than your children...
Cain killing Abel six million times. Abel killing Cain six billion more.

Hatred, hatred, hatred. Busloads of children on a bus destroyed in an instant by bombs
they never saw coming. Bombs that they never imagined existing. Babies. Born to the
wrong place. Babies born to the wrong time. To the wrong “race?”  But they are your babies,
born to your Earth. It is not a good world Adam. It is no world you want.
Said God, as human as he could be, though not being human, he couldn’t be.

Adam my dear Adam,
I have little hope for your children.
I see all that is and can be.
Adam, I don’t see any chance for your children.
Adam, I don’t see any future for your children
Adam, I don’t see any one thing that can possibly save your children.

So tell me Adam. Said God  (who was not a bad guy,though not a guy.)

Will you take on this task? Will you be the first man?
Knowing all I have told you. Knowing the past, present and future. Will you be the
progenitor of humanity and all the doom it entails? Will you make this bargain?
Will you take this on?

And, after only but a moment’s unnecessary thought...

Said Adam:

“If you throw in LAUGHTER... you’ve got a deal….”

Thanks for reading.