Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pointy-headed Intellectual

Pointy-Headed Intellectual
By Winlar™ + GT

Since when did we decide in this brave land of the free
That to love our land we must be mired in imbecility?
The “love U.S. or leave it” crowd just keeps on talking tough
And as a proud college alumnus I’ve had much more than enough

I’m tired of so-called pundits telling me time and again
I’m less of an American ‘cause there’s more in my brain
A patriot is more than just a jingoistic dunce
We can win this war on terror using more than ignorance

So hear this once and hear it well you bloated balls of gas
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still Kick your ass

I’m tired of being told about how our shit isn’t stinky
By folks who think the Dixie Chicks are “just a bit too thinky”
My colors don’t run either and I love my Uncle Sammer
But when I write country songs I use PROPER GRAMMAR!

I can rock out with Bon Jovi yet appreciate smooth Jazz
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still kick your ass

I can dance, I can sing I can play guitar
I can fact-check on the web like a superstar
I can beat you on the court, in the classroom or the bar
And the presets on my radio are tuned to NPR
(Don’t make me go all Nina Totenberg on your ass motherfucker! Cuz I will!)

I love people regardless of their gender, race or class
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
Public Radio member!
And I can still kick your ass
I'm not a snob, elitist or excessively refined
Just because I mock the hobgoblins of your wee puny mind
Did you not get that reference? I'll simplify a notch
I just zinged you quoting Emerson. Feel the burn bee-yatch!

I’m full of piss and vinegar, and wittily parsed sass
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still kick your ass!

Bridge 2
I pack a mighty wallop, so prepare to be out-flogged
And I got lots of free time so prepare to be out-blogged
I use Socratic logic, so prepare to be out-thunk
And I'm a Democrat, so you're gonna get out-drunk!
(C’mon, just you, me, and a cheeky Pinot Noir. What are you scared?)

I can quaff sip or chug it, just gimme the glass
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still kick your ass!

So stop telling me that I should not influence this nation
Just because before espousing I look up my information
I got a love of country and a mind that's all my own
And that should trump a fat-ass and a radio microphone

Don't discriminate against me just because I'm good at math
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual…
Soccer player!
Community organizer!
And I can still kick your ass!

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Greatest Threat

Reminder! Last night to catch my show is tonight at 8pm at the Rendezvous in Belltown.
While you're waiting, here's your video fix of me:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Damn. Here I’ve been down on John McCain, only to just find out that he’s a Maverick! Why had no one told me? This changes everything! A Maverick!
So I’ve written a little rap about his life story as one maverick to another.

John McCain
Nothing says rebellion like more of the same!

Broke all the rules
They tried to tame him with in exclusive private schools

That’s for sure!
Lists among his pastimes 19th century literature

Born to be bad
So he ran off to work in the same place as his Dad

Rocked the nation
Doin’ what was expected from his family for generations

If he was to run free
He would need the strict discipline of the mili-trie’

Told ‘em all to go to hell
By doing what was ordered of him honorably and well…

No prison could hold ‘im
Except the prison that held him. It really held him.

Cage him? Please!
Only ‘til high-level negotiations ensure his release, Bee-yatch!

John McCain
Nothing says rebellion like more of the same!

Bring it on!
No job says “stick it” more than Senate Naval Liaison!

His mind is free
At the Episcopal churches he attended reg’larly

Loves to fight!
So he chose to represent the party of the rich and white

Got his own philosophy
Marching in lock step with talking points of the GOP

From hell done sent
All of his employers? The US government

Give him cheers!
Been stuck in the same job for 26 years
(And that job ain't exactly intergalactic secret agent rock star...)

Bucks the norm
By trying to find the middle ground for ethics and reform

Shakin’ up what he can
Tax cuts for the wealthy! Stick it to the man!

John McCain
Nothing says rebellion like more of the same!

According to Merriam-Webster:
Maverick: an unbranded range animal (especially a stray calf); belongs to the first person who puts a brand on it
And he's carrying that Republican brand well...

Monday, September 15, 2008

John McCain song and Thanks

Thanks to everyone who came out to my show this weekend! Hope you tell all your friends and fam about the one remaining performance I have on Friday the 19th. The show is getting some rave reviews and crowds have been most enthusiastic. I couldn't be more pleased.
Here's a little snippet from the show to wet your appetite for more!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Obama Tax Cut

If I've done this properly, clicking on the title of this post will lead you to a cool website that calculates the size of the tax cut you'll get if Obama's tax plan is enacted. I highly recommend that you check it out and forward it to every Republican you know. (Even ones who can't use a computer, like John McCain...)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Show Tomorrow Night!

OK, well I have a show tomorrow night, so I don't have any time at all to blog, but I thought I'd just remind everyone about it (below) and also just vent with some random stuff that I'm not able to shoehorn into the show at this late date but feel like getting off my chest. So, in no particular order...

-When John McCain took office in 1982 the national debt was 57.93 Billion (with a B) bucks. It is now 9.5 trillion. Um, I know it isn't all John's fault and that he does fight against wasteful spending but if he's fighting, he's LOSING. If I played soccer the way McCain plays budget, my Dad would have offered me condolences and a lifesaver not let me be president.

-My pal Ingrid sent me a cool link, with one of many upcoming Palin gaffes.
So now we know that she's economically illiterate as well as scientifically illiterate and foreign policy illiterate. I enjoy learning more and more about this new fresh face don't you?

-Cost of bridge to nowhere: $398 million.
Cost of the Iraq war. $300 million. PER DAY!!!
So kudos on saving us so much money there J-Mac and Saracuda. Oh wait, you didn't save us any money, since Sarah still ain't paid the money back...
As I've said before, Democrats may be tax and spend, but Republicans are tax and KEEP!

-Funny bit of sketch comedy here:

And a very funny rather pointed show here:
Winlar '08: Making Things Worse
Sept. 12th, 13th and 19th
At the Jewel Box Theater in the Rendezvous Bar and Restaurant!
2322 2nd Avenue in Belltown!

As the political season winds to a close, scene-stealing comic genius Winlar, former writer for Almost Live! NPR's Rewind with Bill Radke and theater's Kazoo! sketch comedy group skewers the right with his last political show of the Bush Administration. Join Winlar as he wonders aloud who will do his writing for him after Jan. 20, 2009…

If you agree with Winlar's Politics, you will LOVE this show! If you don't agree with Winlar's politics, please don't vote!

(Warning! Performance contains ukulele and what is loosely called singing.)

See you this weekend I dearly hope!


Thursday, September 04, 2008

We have a new Dick!

So after hearing Sarah Palin speak last night, I have to say I was impressed. They way she reached out across partisan lines to make snide comments, spin and attack needlessly showed that she won't let things like decency, truth or manners get in the way of continuing the enmity and gridlock in congress. Nice. Hey! She kind of reminded of someone...

Hmm, so she's a self-described "pitbull" (Attack dog)
She hunts. (Though shooting animals from a helicopter is less hunting and more vandalism)
She's closely tied to the oil industry.

Here we've been worried that McCain would be continuing 4 more years of Bush, but now with Palin, we know that we'll be getting 4 more years of Dick Cheney too!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Palin the face

So as the firestorm brews about the many many fallibility's of Sarah Palin, I'd just like to chime in with my own note that I'm not hearing anywhere.

Sarah Palin thinks that Creationism is scientifically credible and should be taught in schools. Anyone versed in the subject to any degree knows that this goes directly against the grain as to the very nature of what science even is. So belief that public schools should waste any of the science curriculum on this completely discredited hypothesis demonstrates a woeful lack of science literacy.

But does a vice-president really need to be scientifically literate? Among the duties of the Vice-President's office? Chairman of the Board of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Arguably the most prestigious scientific organization in the world.

So John McCain has just selected someone to be Chairman of the Board of NASA who IS SCIENTIFICALLY ILLITERATE!

But let's talk about her son in Iraq and pregnant daughter instead because that's less "thinky."
Contact Winlar