Sunday, December 23, 2007

Christmas Eve

Just had the notion that, in the spirit of the season, I'd share a little poem I wrote for my family a while ago. Enjoy, and may you have peace in the coming New Year.

Christmas Eve

by Winlar
©2005

Christmas Eve’s a moment which transcends both time and space
When everything you love in this whole world is in one place
A timelessness, which reaches the whole world with joy and truth
On Christmas Eve your whole entire world’s under one roof

The magic of the holiday is strongest on this night
The longest darkness of the year concealing reindeer flight
When everything in this life that you in your heart do keep
Is all so very near you, safe and warm and fast asleep

Peace on Earth is possible, we all know and believe
We see it happen every year, in the dark of Christmas Eve

There is a moment when the season always turns sublime
When shopping and the preparations have run out of time
And the world in darkness sighs a wonderful relief
And we switch the lights all off and try to sleep on Christmas Eve

The bikes are put together
All the toys have batteries
The lights are strung and functioning
Upon the Christmas trees
The children are conked out
And in the house there’s not a stir
The whirlwind of the last month
Now a gentle quiet blur
And a touch of relaxation can be finally achieved
Drinking milk and eating cookies, late at night on Christmas Eve

Finally Santa’s been and gone back home upon his sleigh
And the troubles of the season for one moment seem at bay
Everyone is sleeping, Mom and Dad, aunts, uncles, child
And you can catch a few hours sleep before it goes hog wild
And with all home and safe you wish no one would ever leave
Such is the magic of the night you get on Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas to all,
--winlar

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Perhaps Seattle will land the Knicks!

With all the talk of the Sonics potentially leaving town, I found this interesting article about the Knicks being unexpectantly sold. Thought that I'd post it.
--w

New York Knicks sold to Seattle-based ownership group
Group downplays possibility of relocating team, but likely will

The New York Knicks, a fixture in New York, and Madison Square Garden have been sold for an undisclosed sum to Seattle multi-billionaire Jay Stennett. Stennett, an arms dealer and direct email marketer is also CEO of the Basketball Club of Seattle Who Will Bring an NBA Team to Seattle. (BCSWWBNBATS)” Stennett immediately downplayed speculation that the Knicks would be moving.

“The Knicks have a great fan base and a rich tradition here in New York. Move the team from New York to Seattle? That would make about as much sense as moving a Seattle team to, I dunno, some smaller town in the Southwest or something.” Said Stennett.

Where it does make sense that the team would stay in the nation’s largest and most influential market, Seattle is an interesting proposition, since the Key Arena, renovated just 12 years ago, is newer and thus more appealing than the historic, but old Madison Square Garden. “We’re going to need a brand-new facility, funded entirely by tax-payers, but we’re all very optimistic that we can make this work. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m very bullish on New York,” Remarked Stennett. Stennett then went on to say that if a workable solution was not fully in place by 3pm next Tuesday he would have no other choice but to “look for other options.”

Stennett who consistently referred to the team as the “Seattle, er, sorry, New York Knicks” raised his fortune selling armor piercing bullets to the military, and had his net worth greatly upgraded by the current political situation in the Middle East. He has spent the last 20 years of his life trying to bring a basketball team to Seattle area, despite the fact that Seattle already has a basketball team, and has for 40 years. In high school he was voted “Most likely to relocate an NBA basketball franchise to Seattle. Next month he is to be inducted into the Seattle hall of fame. “We’re excited to enter the New York market!” Stennett went on. “Have you built me that stadium yet? No? Come on people, time’s a tickin’. I got a plane to catch and a big salmon dinner waiting.”

NBA Commissioner David Stern expressed “nearly genuine sadness” for New York’s loyal fan base, but claimed that the NBA was powerless to block the deal, or any proposed move. He also said he was “disheartened” by New York’s clear lack of support for the 8 and 17 Knicks, exemplified by booing in Madison Square Garden. “The booing, empty seats, and reluctance of politicians to spend half a billion dollars at a time when our nation is at war is a vivid example of how the Big Apple refuses to support professional basketball.” When hundreds of fans sent Stern harsh emails and phone calls in response to these remarks he cited them as “another show of how New Yorkers are hostile to the NBA.” He went on to say that “The relocation of the team is entirely the fault of New Yorkers, who left a nice man like Jay Stennett no choice.” He then rushed off to speak at Stennett’s Seattle Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

Now-former Knicks owner James Dolan said he was “extremely optimistic” about the team’s future in New York. “In my opinion, selling to a Seattle businessman with no ties to the city, and who has utter contempt for its fan base and citizenry is the best chance to keep the team in New York,” claimed Dolan, world-class idiot. “We’re sorry to sell the team, but we lost 42 million dollars last year, and only some of that due to sexual harassment lawsuits! Another 10 or 11 years of those kind of losses, and we no longer would have been able to sell the team for a gigantic profit!” He added, “I do hope they keep Isaiah though. My love for him knows no bounds.”

The future of embattled General Manager Isaiah Thomas remains in doubt. Most likely he’ll be fired, forced to retire or “simply made to disappear,” according to one source close to the group. Thomas expressed his personal confidence that he would stay with the Knicks and likely be promoted.

Knicks fans, who eventually will have absolutely no say on the matter, had mixed emotions on the pending sale and subsequent demand for a new stadium. “I love the Knicks!” said one fan. “This is a sad day! If only we had done a better job of supporting a team that hasn’t made the playoffs in half a decade and hasn’t won a championship since the Nixon administration.”
Others were more critical. “NBA players come from a social class below mine and are now in a class far above mine. I won’t support this kind of rampant social mobility with my tax dollars. Tax money should only go to paying for police, prisons, and developing technologically superior smart bombs,” chimed in someone with no friends.
“The team’s leaving? Bummer. But it’s worth it to get rid of Dolan and Isaiah! Go Giants!” said most people.

Perhaps as a good-will gesture, Stennett hired former Knicks great and fan favorite Walt Frazier as president of basketball operations. He then fired him five minutes later.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Running Diary of the Republican Debate

OK. Tip of the hat to Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, who does signature “Running Diaries” of his reactions to sports events. I’m not as good as he is, nor will ever be, but I thought someone should do that for politics, so I’ve tried to. I’ve jotted down my reactions to various events of the evening of Dec. 12th when the Republicans debated somewhere in Iowa, sponsored by the Des Moines Register. (Is there any paper with a duller name than “Register?” That’s right there behind the Ames Glossary and the Iowa City List of Things.)

So anyway, here we go.

I’ve never really had the experience of setting my DVR to record something on CSPAN. Is there anything more geeky than that?

OK, turns out that this will be a re-air of the debate. Yes, the joke is, “Don’t tell me how it turned out!” But that’s really not funny because what does CSPAN start it’s coverage with? The guy calls a journalist on the phone asking, “So what’s the headline for this debate?” Hello? How about a spoiler alert warning? I fast forward through this part.
(On a side note, I’d just like to call this typical example of the media self-aggrandizing and making their coverage of the story more important than the story.)

All right! 6:30 PM and they’ve promised to solve all the nation’s problems in 90 minutes, so let’s ride!

6:30pm PST
Thanks Des Moines Register for splurging on the graphics!

6:31pm PST
Carolyn Washburn editor of the Des Moines Register… Let’s just say she has a good face for the newspaper business, and move on…

6:32pm PST
Carolyn informs us that 6 in 10 Iowa Republicans can still be swayed away from their candidate! You know, by another candidate, or shiny object.
Carolyn also informs that there will be no discussion of Iraq or Immigration in this debate. Or any other issues beginning with the letter I.

My daughter Moxie is climbing all over me during the introductions, and I’m so blinded by Giulianni’s cornball smile so I miss them. But let me just say that, not only are all these guys white males, but they’re REALLY white. It’s called the sun people! Get some! All except….
Alan Keyes in the House!! What up dog!! Well, this is gonna be a party after all!

6:33pm PST
Rules Rules rules. Carolyn, you had us at Alan Keyes….

Single biggest issue in Iowa is Finances and national debt.
Rudy agrees with the people in Iowa! Shockeroo! I’m betting McCain starts us off by saying “Oh, you Iowa boneheads. Wrong wrong wrong!”
Rudy says we have to cut corporate taxes to bring down the debt. Isn’t that like quitting your job to pay off your credit cards? Is there anyone who will have the courage to say, “It’s harder to pay off debts when you take in less money?”

Oh, Yes or no questions. Let’s keep track of the number of times yes or no answers are asked for versus how many are given. 1-0 right now.

6:34pm PST
Duncan Hunter blames China and foreigners for our debt. When he loses the election, will he blame illegal immigrants for that too?

Time warning #1`

Ron Paul blames too much govt. Shockeroo.

6:35pm PST
Tancredo is still in the race? Where’s he been? He only shows up when Alan Keyes does. Are they Siamese twins or something?

Fred Thompson reads you the notes on the subject he read earlier this week.

Mitt blarneys it up.

The Huckster says we have to feed and fuel and fight for ourselves. Nice alliteration Mikee!

6:38pm PST
McCain keeps up the scare campaign. We’ll be oil independent.

6:39pm PST
Alan Keyes just said that “National Security is Securing the Blessings of liberty.” Al, we know you’ve read the constitution. Now answer the question!
I had to replay what Keyes said twice. I hope this doesn’t happen every time he talks.
Al says abolish income taxes and we’ll have no debt. Yeah, and if I were homeless, I’d have no worries…

6:40pm PST
The question is, what sacrifices must American people make to pay off the national debt. Over/under line on actual sacrifices offered by these candidates is… zero.

Rudy says Government must sacrifice itself. But that won’t hurt anyone. In fact, the American people will get MORE!!

Paul Ron says it’s unnecessary to sacrifice. I set the over/under too high…

Huck says, no, we’ll just do things differently. Still at zero sacrifice

Next question “Is there a program you’d run a deficit to pay for?” I’m betting… no…
Got to say, much as I love YouTube, the questions are way better when a newspaper is doing the moderating. The moderator doesn’t jump in ad nauseum like the CNN or FOX talking heads to get her airtime, and there’s a bare bones attitude that really moves this thing along. Say it once, I’ll say it a million times, people who read are smart. People who watch TV are me.

Mitt says, well, a lot of stuff. Basically no. He’d cut everything. Says we need to run the country like a business. Oh. Start by laying off a lot of citizens…

My 2 year old son just came in past his bed time. Hard not to watch him since he’s both more entertaining, and would make a better president than anyone on my TV right now…

The Tank (Tancredo) says, no. Follow the Constitution and there’s no problem. You know, I couldn’t tell him apart from Duncan Hunter if I saw them both in a police line-up. Judging by the polls, the American people can’t seem to tell him apart from “Margin of Error.”

Fred says Military, infrastructure. And “Takes a big risk and tells the truth to the American people.” The risk? He’s probably lying…

Next question for everyone, and a good one that they won’t answer. “Who in this country is paying more than their fair share in taxes?” I’m guessing the smart answer you’ll hear is “Republicans.” The answers allowed are upper, middle or lower class.

Al- Essay answer to a multiple choice question. Time warning given.

McCain- Essay. Doesn’t know.

Huckster- 80% of people. Kudos that you didn’t give an essay answer. Too bad your answer wasn’t one of the choices.

Mitt- Middle Class! Actually one of the choices! Mitt here done been to college!

Fred Frankenberry- Takes a cheap shot at Mitt, saying he don’t pay no taxes, chuckle chuckle. Mitt jokes back something just to break Fred’s concentration, which works. Fred jokes that Mitt’s getting to be a better actor, Chuckle chuckle. Rare moment of honesty in there. I seriously doubt that anyone on this stage pays any taxes at all.

Fred also says that 40% of all Americans pay no taxes at all. That is such an outrageous lie that I don’t know where to begin…

Duncan or Tom, oh Tom… selects. I dunno.

Ron Paul says middle class suffers most and that’s EVIL!

Duncan says it’s that other class, the IRS

Rudy shows that they’ve all forgotten the question, but says E, all of the above. My “Republicans” answer was better. These guys should hire me! (Under the table of course… Got a little tax problem…)

And now, each candidate gets 30 free seconds! I hate this! The YouTube debates did the same thing. This isn’t ad time! Put your little canned statement on the Internet like anyone else! If any candidate yields this time, or uses it for “A quick shout out to my homies,” he’s immediately got my vote…

McCain reminds us he’s a vet, has experience, and isn’t very popular.

Duncan Hunter- “Dee-hunt” is also a veteran, and so is his son. Oh, by the way, he’s also a Mexican hating bigot.

Carolyn Washburn looks bored already.

The question is how to keep foreign markets open while blah blah, making sure we’re still richer than God.

Ron Paul gets angry

Mitt understands. Mentions education for the first time tonight.

Huckster blames taxes and regulations hurting industry. Yes… if only we were more like China…

Next question: Should we trade with… what again? Oh. Human rights. Should we give a rat about human rights while making money?

McCain. Sure we should, but no we won’t. Free Trade all the way.

Next question, and now I guess we’re at the annoying point where only one guy answers a question that everyone maybe should, so some guys completely don’t have to answer and some get trapped and there’s no rhyme or reason to the whole thing. Anyway we get to hear what Rudy thinks about NAFTA

6:57pm PST
Rudy doubted it, but now he loves it! Here’s what bugs me most about Rudy. Why does nobody ever mention that he SUCKED when he guest hosted SNL? SUCKED! He gets a free pass for that just for being mayor on 9-11. Sorry pal. Not with me. Worst… Host … EVER!!!

Fred gives a nearly unintelligible answer about NAFTA. “It’s a long complex document” says he in a long convoluted response. Jeezes, this guy is a lightweight.

Tancredo gives Duncan Hunter’s answer. Or is that… Man, this is confusing

Now DeeHunt jumps in and extends my confusion. It’s like giving one guy an extra thirty seconds. Freaky. But together, the two of them can hate twice as many foreigners.

7:00pm PST
Free statement time now for Paul and Frankenberry.

Paul- Liberty is good

Fred’ “What was the question again?”
By the way, did anyone see how he mailed in his performance in “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World?” He had like 5 lines and he still didn’t seem to bother to memorize them. Not Albert Brooks best movie btw, and I’m a fan. However, it’s worth it just for Al’s fake improv schtick. Such a funny bit…

7:01pm
Show of hands time!!
Who believes in Climate change? Wait…
Fred won’t do the hand show! Apparantly there aren’t stage directions in the script. This is a more confrontational moment than when someone says “build a fence along Mexico.” Some idiot in the audience applauds Fred for his courageous stance on this issue.

A few hands go up and everyone talks at once. Well it really isn’t fair. To understand the concept of raising your hand requires at least a kindergarten education…

Rudy and McCain (The Science Posse) say GW is a problem. (GW here refers to Global Warming. The other GW won’t be mentioned much tonight…)

Mitt looks really presidential by begging “Hey give us all a chance to talk… please? My turn! My turn!”
He gets his presidential stature and republican street-cred back in one fell swoop however by blaming foreigners for global warming in his answer.

Alan Keyes uses the global warming question to go on the greatest tangent I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t mention anything about climate, global warming, anything. He talks so crazily that even Fred Thompson is able to zing him by saying “Well there’s Alan Keyes position on global warming…”

By the way, if Bill Clinton is a bit oily, then Mitt Romney is eight gallons of salad dressing.

Huckster jokes “Global Warming? It’s cold outside here in Iowa! Crickets are heard in the auditorium. Oh, and by the way, our govt is responsible for global warming.

7:08pm PST
Duncan Tancredo says something.
Tom Hunter chimes in. Having these two clones chime in back to back on everything really does a disservice to your readers Des Moines Register…

btw Des Moines “Shout out to my homies!” Now there’s a name for a paper!

7:09pm PST
Free time for tacredohuckalopolis.

Tom- Immigrants suck. Shockeroo!
Huck- Founding fathers rool. I wanna be prez, because I like it when ordinary shmoes boss me around. Oh, and I used to be poor.

7:10pm PST
New Topic! Education! (Moderator notes that Iowans say it hasn’t been talked about enough. Iowans know about education? OK, that was a cheap shot…)
We suck at science. What gives?

McCain- More choice and more competition. Charter Schools may fail, but at least then we can blame the students for making bad CHOICES!

Rudy- “Parents should choose the school their child goes to. Colleges are good, because they’re expensive! Get it?”

Duncan Hunter- “Jaime Escalante is a guy I saw in a movie once. If we let people who are uncredentialed teach in our classrooms, some of them might be like him…”

New question: Does the fed gov need to set standards? (For education I’m guessing)

Mitt asks what the rules are. 30 seconds? 60? Real presidential Mitt.

Huckster: the federal govt. can personalize the curriculum for these kids. Um… Wha?
“Unleash weapons of mass Instruction!” He said that. After hearing him say that, many high-schoolers recognized that education is not that important.

The Keyes-ster interrupts to point out, perhaps rightly so, that he hasn’t been asked a question since his diatribe about anything but global warming. The moderator then gives him 30 seconds where everyone else was getting a minute.
This, my friends, is the Republican party in a nutshell. “Katrina? You want us to respond to Katrina? We can ignore a black man who is on stage next to us in a presidential debate! You think we’re gonna respond to some for a lousy hurricane?”
On the other hand, Keyes platform of “Vote for me because nobody wants to give me the time of day” has never been much of a proven winner…

Keyes then goes on for over a minute blaming our education crisis on judges taking God out of the classroom and the fact that kids don’t know “our national creed.” He is impassioned about this. Cricket chirping ensues. The moderator then goes right back to asking Ron Paul the question he’d interrupted, as if Keyes were Mr. Cellophane. Very surreal.

Ron Paul: The problem with education is probably the federal government.

Man, if it weren’t for foreigners, and our government, we’d be in the Garden of Eden right now.

Fred “What was the question again?”
He then blames the NEA. Lousy teachers. Which makes me realize that I left Unions off my list of Republican scape goats.

Tancrunter: “Get rid of the dept. of education.” Yeah that will improve… education.... He says that they cut 80% of the people in the dept, and nobody noticed. Really? The people who got fired didn’t notice? You did make sure they weren’t still showing up for work right? What an ass. Whichever one he is. He then takes a cheap shot at Huckster for wanting art and science taught in school. Dick.

(Yes, I realize that purposely mispronouncing the names of the candidates in this debate is immature much like the way FOX news commentators purposely mispronounce “Achmadinijad”
I apologize for this, and from here on in promise to only refer to Tom Tancredo as “Achmadinijad”)

7:23pm PST
New Question. “What can you accomplish in your first year?”

Rudy: Secure against Islamic terrorism! Are you here tonight Rud, or is that one of those cardboard cutouts with a little voice recorder in it?

Drunken Hunger. Make the military bigger, and get that border fence up!

Ron Paul: End the war. Amen Ron. Too bad you’re batshit insane. (Even a clock that’s broken is right how often?)

Achmininididijad: “Free somebody nobody’s ever heard of. Secure our borders. Kill Islamic people.”

Frankenberry: “Tell people the truth.” (Yeah, that’ll take a year.) Man, this guy knows absolutely nothing.

Mitt: Reign in entitlements and Muslims. Bunch of other stuff he won’t get done.

Huckster: Bring the Country back together. (I assume this involves annexing British Columbia and building a bridge to Hawaii.) But he does finally play his “Hey I’m the only one up here who isn’t a hate-filled bastard card.” Of course he doesn’t believe in evolution…

McCain: Make America safe. BTW, you aren’t safe. Did you know that?
Oh, and restore trust and confidence in your govt. again. Hey, isn’t that what the guy who beat you the last time you ran said HE was going to do?

Big Al. Hey guys! What debate have you been to tonight? I went to one! I think I won! Now I’m going to talk about killing things in the womb and a bunch of crazy nonsense! I’m Alan Keyes ladies and gentlemen! What the hell am I even doing here?

7:30pm PST
Lastly final words. (In other words, we’re Iowa, you need to kiss our asses just one… more… time…)

Mitt: Thanks Iowa! Gosh you people are so nice!

Keyes: Iowa, you suck. You aren’t gonna vote for me. Everything wrong with America is your fault. You’re all going straight to hell! Oh, and Vote for Me!
(A side note. Caucuses are awkward social gatherings, where nobody knows anyone and then has to argue politics with them. They really are difficult, so here’s an ice-breaker Iowans. Go in, and when they ask you who you’re backing, say “Alan Keyes” with as straight a face as possible. Then wait for the awkward moment of silence, then for everyone to bust out laughing. In this way he brings us all together.)

Rudy: (OK, I didn’t want to make the joke in this blog that Rudy only talks about 9-11 and does so ad nauseum, and for the most part I haven’t. I don’t like to go on such overdone comic territory, but with Rudy’s last words he just has to remind us…. I WAS MAYOR ON 9-11!!! Jack-ass. Did I mention that he sucked on SNL?

7:34pm PST
Wait, now we go to some video thing? This debate confuses me. Shouldn’t the last words be the last words? This is surreal and stupid.

Wait, now there’s more? Oh! I had to rewind and figure out what was going on. She didn’t say last words, she said “Last candidate statements.” I guess that refers to the free ad time the candidates get. (See I told you this was a bad idea.) I guess I just wanted it to be over. Wishful thinking on my part….

And last but least, stuff about character:

Rudy: I am not a crook. My awkward laugh should prove that I’m not on the take from mobsters in Dubai…

Keyes: “Be authentic about who you are.” Yes. If you’re crazy, let everyone know.
Oh, and he brings up abortion because even republicans in Iowa don’t seem to care much about it any more. Keyes is the first person to question another candidate about it. I find that interesting.

Mitt: Keyes just said something about me, and I don’t care.
Mitt finally invokes the name of both Reagan and GW Bush. Only took an hour and a half.

It’s here that my DVR quits. They went over. Shockeroo. Fortunetely, I had the wherewithal to record the post-debate wrap up.

Freddy Thompson: Should we nuke Iran? Do you believe the intel that you’ll get as president? Freddy blames bureaucrats. I’m tired.

More video now. I’m not gonna comment on them. They’re monumentally stupid.

At this point I’m officially fast forwarding through to see exactly how long this goes on. Ah Jeezes. 12 more minutes. I’m gonna go dream about this a little and come back to this tomorrow… Man, do I not want to dream about Mitt Romney. Let’s hope my sleep is Tancredo-lishus!

OK. I’m awake and have recovered enough energy to watch the rest of the debate. I looked for any coverage that might bother to point out that Fred Thompson was talking out of his butt when he said that 40% of Americans pay no taxes, and instead found USA Today reporting that he won the debate! Way to go McPaper! A big hand for our free and watchful media everybody!

OK. I’m back now for the final twelve minutes. Thank God for DVR’s. I never would have made it in one sitting…

Huckster gets asked about his faith and how it changes his policies. He sounds like a hybrid breeding project between Jesus and Thomas Jefferson as he avoids the question.

Mitt is asked whether it’s more important to be fiscally or socially conservative and answers with a question that only he laughs at. Life just seems like an inside joke to him.
He then goes on to defray issues about his religion by saying that his official religion is “Conservatism.” (No, nobody really said that, but somebody should…)

Thunkin’ Dunter is asked the same question and is caught either sleeping or thinking about someone else. He’s so dull except for variations of his name. Hunkin’ Thunder is what I’d go by if I were him…

7:40-something. I’ve stopped caring. All times are unofficial from this point

Last pointless video. Mittster repeats the litany that Judges shouldn’t be allowed to judge. Thompson rails against consumerism and sets off irony alarms everywhere.

Achmadinijihad goes into a clash of civilization diatribe about Iraq. He was asked why his website only says five sentences about Iraq. He is given thirty seconds to explain this. Honest.

7:42
Ron Paul is called a “revolutionary” by the moderator. Look lady, just because someone’s ideas won’t work, doesn’t make them new.

McCain talks about Compromise and how he just looked up what the word meant.

7:44
Biggest laugh of the night comes when Carolyn asks the candidates to give new year’s resolutions to other candidates. We start with Alan Keyes… this should be good.

Alan resolves to keep repeating the same sentence he’s spouted all night.
McCain: “Lets resolve not to accuse each other of a lack of patriotism.” Why are new year’s resolutions so hard to keep?
Huckster: Responds to the wrong question. Covers with a “Joke-toid” A word I just made up for something that really isn’t a joke, but political candidates will laugh at nonetheless.
Mitttster resolves to slander democrats.
Fred also answers the wrong question
Achminidinijihad tries a bit late to ask Huckster a question. “Whoops! I forgot I’m polling at zero percent, and that I should attack the new front-runner. Mulligan!”
He can’t even get the question into his 15-second time frame, let alone the answer. We just move on.

“Just move on” is an accurate theme for the evening. It’s almost like everyone has just agreed that nobody is watching this debate (except poor me!) and let’s just get it over with. It’s amazing how many times rebuttals were just skipped, time was called and uncomfortable silences were just ignored and the next question asked. Even the paper sponsoring the debate really didn’t give any coverage to it the day after. They’d just moved on to the Democrats. So sad.

Ron Paul resolves to read the Constitution.
Thunk Dunk resolves to buy American.
Rudy resolves to not be pessimistic and reminds us about 9-11.

And thank God we’re out! Why in hell did I ever agree to do this! Never again! This is… Oh crap, I promised to do the Democrats tomorrow. Nuts.

Oh, and as for post-show spin CSPAN-2 actually wasn’t bad. They showed some of the FOX post-show spin and pointed out the errors Fox made. Not that it will make a difference.
See you next week with a belated Democrat’s debate diary.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Weird Cartoon "History" of Mormonism

Well, this must be true, since it's a cartoon...
No, I didn't produce this, nor do I know who did, but it is so high on the unintentional comedy scale, I had to blog it for posterity. Warning, this will likely offend anyone who is Mormon... or... human...
And speaking of Mitt Romney and unintentional comedy, I'm going to be blogging a running diary of tonight's Republican debate! So look for that in the next day or so.

Friday, December 07, 2007

My Daddy Plays the Ukulele

So here's my entry for the Bushman World Ukulele Video Contest, and I thought I'd share it with you. Wish me luck!
--w

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

If Jesus Were Here

Here's some more video for you. I hope to put up chords and lyrics later this week.
Oh, and if you want to see more and vote for Winlar's Internet stardom, go to www.funnyordie.com/winlar.
video



Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Seventy Freakin' Beers

All right. So there’s an email circulating that makes a very bogus argument supporting Bush tax cuts for the wealthy, so I felt the need to refute a little bit. (Or a lot) It’s a lengthy read, but I tried to keep it entertaining. The pervasive email is first, with my comments in purple prose as usual, then I have a counter-metaphor right after, plus some comments.
Anyway, here’s the original email:

Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do.
(Quick Winlar note. I honestly have no idea if this scenario is accurate. I couldn't find any source to corroborate using such a simplistic breakdown. It’s certainly spin to some extent. The implication is that 40% of the US population pays no income tax, which my IRS auditor insists just isn’t true.)

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so: The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
(Winlar note here. Yeah, I know. This comes out to $79) See below.)

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!' 'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' 'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
(OK. Another jump in. This “The rich may get up and leave” argument always strikes me as an odd bluff, because quite frankly, where the heck are they really gonna go? England? Canada? If they don’t like the tax rate here, are they ever in for a shock! They’re going to go down to Mexico? South America? Then why are they so afraid of Mexico coming up here? I’ve never had this sufficiently explained.)

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics University of Georgia

(Very important! This article was NOT written by David R. Kamerschen! He’s denied it. So have all the other PhD’s to whom it’s been accredited.
http://www.snopes.com/business/taxes/howtaxes.asp
So apologies to him. Nobody knows who wrote this. Probably not a PhD or anyone who can add to 80.)

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible

(OK, and I’ll comment on this tagline as well real quick. It’s the equivalent of saying “If you don’t agree with me, you must be stupid.” Sure seems to close the door to any debate and subsequent education. Where does one even begin to enlighten such a closed-minded individual? Well, right here.)

Here’s a better story. (by Winlar)

10 guys go into a bar where beers are a buck a pop. That’s a really good price for beer. God bless America.

The first four guys have to work in the morning, so they each only have a tiny sip of beer. (about 5 thousandths of a beer, if you’re being scientific. Get your eye-dropper out and try this at home!)

The fifth and sixth have to drive, so they have 2.3 beers each. Probably more than they should, but they are large men and have full stomachs, so I guess it’s OK.

The seventh and eighth guys knock off an even 6 pack each.

The ninth guy slays a half-rack, plus half another beer.

Leaving the tenth guy to polish off… 70.88 beers. Which he does. It’s freakin’ amazing! Nobody needs that much beer, nobody should drink that much beer, and… good god, the dude just polished of seventy freakin’ beers!

So then it’s time to pay up the tab.

For some reason the 10th guy throws in 59 bucks. 83 cents a beer. Does he think he’s getting a discount for buying in bulk? I dunno.
The 9th guy pays 18 bucks. $1.44 a beer
The 7th and 8th guys pay a total 19 bucks $1.58 a beer
The 5th and 6th guys pay a total 4 bucks. 87 cents a beer.
The 1st through 4th guys had so little beer that their cost was incalculable. They do chip in for the tip though, and EVENLY SPLIT THE SALES TAX. This is important. These guys DO CHIP IN THEIR SHARE.

Now here’s the weird part. At this point, the bartender inexplicably gives them 20 dollars back, even though the bar tab was actually $103 and the group ALREADY OWES 400 DOLLARS, that they’ll likely just ask their children to pay. But I digress.

So they did some fuzzy math and determined that now they’d split it this way.

10th guy 49 bucks (69 cents a beer. Keep in mind that it’s DOLLAR beer night.)
9th guy 14 bucks (89 cents a beer)
7th and 8th paid 14 bucks total. (89 cents a beer)
5th and 6th 2 bucks (47 cents a beer)
1st through 4th continued to look on with unbridled sobriety.

(Again, yeah, this comes out to 79 bucks, but I’m not the idiot who did the original math in the first parable. Blame them.)

Wow! This was cool! Nobody was paying full price for beer! Sure, the beer had to be watered down, and fear that the beer would run out caused federal agents to wiretap the bar, and they tortured a couple guys for no real good reason, but I’d say it was a pretty good deal.

Except the 10th through 5th guy decided that it was unfair that the first four guys paid nothing. (Even though they actually did, in fact, pay something. I can’t stress this enough.)

“There’s 2 hundredths of a beer missing! (Even though it wasn’t) Why should I be paying for their endless sipping?” Slurred the 10th man. Again, how he is even able to stand at this point is a wonder. 70 freakin’ beers!!!

“We’ve been pouring your beer all night.” Replied the first four men. “I mean, without our pouring, you wouldn’t have been able to drink the 99.98 beers you all had tonight. Especially you and your 70 beers. We’ve been propping you up!” (Ah! Mystery solved!) “Who has time to drink when we’re so busy pouring? The only drops we get are the ones that ‘trickle down’ out of your glass!” (See how the author got ‘trickle down’ in there? That, my friends, is creativity and wit…) “It’s mostly backwash. Besides, we actually did chip in, it’s just that our total came to less than a cent, so…”

“Deadbeats! Everyone should kick in 10 bucks each! We’re all sitting in the same bar aren’t we? Fair is fair!” said one of them, probably not the 10th guy because, come on, how can he even do math at this point? Let’s say it was the 8th guy. He hasn’t done much so far.

“Yes! A flat tax-- er, payment system for our beer. Yeah. That’s it. Who cares how much you consumed! It’s the privilege of sitting in the bar you should pay for!” said, I dunno, the 7th guy?

“The privilege of watching you slam 70 beers?” Said guy 2.

“Yeah, love it or leave it!” said, let’s say the 6th guy.

“But we already paid a cover charge at the state and local level,” said guys one through 4, the metaphor starting to break down all over the place.

“Illegal immigrants!! It’s all the fault of illegal immigrants!” said… we’ll go with number 9 this time.

“My great grand-parents were born in this bar! I’m not going anywhere.” Shouted the 1st through 4th with a concerted voice, that, were this not just a metaphor, would be completely impossible for the segment of the populace they represent. Would that they could. Oh would that they could...
“There are no illegal immigrants in this metaphor!”

“It’s a bar! Who is washing the dishes then?”

“Good point,” everyone agreed.

Suddenly in a drunken rage, the 10th man jumped on a table. “Cheese sticks!” He screamed! “Cheese sticks! I must have some cheese sticks!”

And so they invaded Iraq.

THE END.

So what have we learned?

One, we learned that the metaphor plays both ways. Sure, it’s unfair that one guy pays more than everyone else, but it’s also unfair the one guy HAS more than everyone else. And, if you gain nothing else from this parable, it’s that the wealthiest guy is paying less than a buck a beer. Much less after the tax cut.

And that’s if we honestly believe that the system really breaks down like that, but it doesn’t. Warren Buffett expressed outrage that his 60k a year secretary pays the same tax rate he does. He, who is worth in excess of 50 billion dollars. (He pays taxes on his salary of $46 million) A rate of 17.7 percent. The high end tax rate is supposed to be 35%, but I guess only suckers pay that. Kudos to Mr. Buffett for showing his outrage to this:
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/money/tax/article1996735.ece
(At a $4600 a plate political fundraiser no less. Gee, there’s a level of political involvement we can all take part in! Much cheaper than the $35,000 needed just to get on the Republican ballot in ONE STATE. Yes. The more money you have, the more democracy you get. So let’s not take income disparity too lightly.)

And, lest anyone gripe about the 35% high end tax, did you know that in 1939 it was as high as 75%? That it soon after went to 91%? That it stayed there until 1964? But then again, that was different than now. There was a war on then… on two fronts… and… Do you see why I mentioned Iraq at the end? Well, anyway the point being is that the nation didn’t collapse. In fact we won a world war, became a superpower, and created network television! All despite Eisenhower’s socialist leanings.

This metaphor gets even worse when it’s a hundred guys in the bar. Then 1 guy (this time one percent of the US population.) drinks 38 beers while 40 guys share one fifth of a beer. The thought of sharing one fifth of a beer with forty guys makes me downright suicidal. One half the country has but 2.8% of the wealth.

And before I hear those arguments about “The wealthy deserve their money because they work harder than everyone else, and who are you to dispute what is clearly God’s will,” Let me just say “shut it!” That might have been true in hunter-gatherer societies, but we’re like 4 economic systems beyond that already. Yes, some of the wealthy are innovative industrious people, but others are Congressmen, television executives and Paris Hilton. There is no correlation between societal worth and income. Let’s stop relegating cops, fire fighters and school teachers to second-class citizenship because they simply aren’t greedy enough.

Lastly, I'm sure that someone will make the specious argument that I think everyone should make the same amount of money in this country. Uh, no. I'm no Communist, I'm no Socialist, I'm a Capitalist and THE PRICE OF A BEER IS A DOLLAR!!! The tab won't get paid if the people drinking the most are getting the biggest discount and paying less than cost. That's bad business plain and simple.

Other various problems I have with the “Bar Stool Economics” case. In no particular order:

-First off, the USA is not a bar. Germany, now there's a bar! (Italy btw is a bistro, Turkey is a great little out of the way place that nobody knows about, and Mozambique, oddly enough, is a Chinese take-out place.) America is more like a... gay rodeo for reasons I won't go into right here.

-The article focuses on only federal income taxes, not state and local taxes, property taxes, sales tax, etc. In the state of Washington, the poorest 20% pay 17.1% of their incomes in state taxes. The wealthiest 1% pays 3.6% of their incomes.
Plus, every time federal taxes are cut, states pick up the slack, so in this way the bottom 4 are indeed paying for that 20% cut.
And all of this egregiously leaves out the skewed rate of taxes on investment as opposed to earnings. http://www.ctj.org/pdf/earnpr.pdf
But I'm not going to spend a lot of time delving into the simplistic math of the original metaphor, as the original author (whoever that may be) didn't either.

-Again, the a general implication that 40 percent of the US population just sits around in a bar all day drinking and not paying for it. That's kind of insulting to... everybody. There should be some mention that the first guy is working 14 hours a day at minimum wage and really isn't able to join his friends too often. Yes my friends, most of the poor work:
http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/myths.html
http://anitraweb.org/homelessness/columns/anitra/eightmyths.html

-When the 10th guy pukes, who cleans it up? (hint: It isn't the 10th guy. Second hint: It isn't the 9th guy.)

-In this scenario, one guy owns 78.7% of all stocks, mutual funds, and retirement accounts.

-Imagine that the owner, the bartender and the 10th guy are all the same guy. They get to set the bar hours, decide what drinks are served, set the prices, gut the environment and go to war with other bars. Now the metaphor rings closer to reality...

-In a real bar, the bartender doesn't collect the bar tab, then turn around and give most of the money back to one of the guys. Lord knows I have waited for this to happen. But government (the bartender) does exactly that and most of the money goes to that tenth guy. (And when government borrows, it borrows from that tenth guy too. It then pays interest to that tenth guy.)

-No tip? We're such a cheap country...

-When angry bikers attack the bar, it's always the first four guys who put their asses on the line to defend the bar, while the 9th and 10th guy cower under a bar stool.
(This wasn't always the case, even as far as just a generation ago. All four famous Kennedy sons served in the military, none of the 30 Kennedy cousins have.) Is the blood of soldiers not negotiable currency in this bar?

-Don't forget that half the tab goes to paying the bouncer. That's what we're putting into defense. He keeps the guys from other bars from coming in and taking all the 10 guys' money. Hmm. Who benefits most from this?

-So, they beat up the 10th guy, then they can't pay the tab when he doesn't show? The flaw doesn't seem to be that they beat the guy up, but that they forgot to take his wallet. Easily corrected. (I mean, if they're going to equate an equitable tax structure with socialism, get it right!)

-America is spending too much time and money in the stinkin' bar. Liberals are just saying that it's time we spend more of both at home with the kids.

So there you have it. The nation's problems once again solved.

Yours truly,
Henry Kissinger


PS: Some links and thanks:
www.askquestions.org/articles/taxes/
www.ctj.org/html/whopays.htm
www.therationalradical.com/dsep/wealth-distribution.htm

Thanks to everyone from these websites.
Keep fighting the good fight.
See you next week.
--Winlar

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Hillary, yeah, well...

So Hillary claims that her official campaign song is "You and I" by Celine Dion? Nonsense. I've come up with a better one that speaks more to the enthusiasm she brings to us an a candidate. Enjoy.

Hillary, Yeah, I Guess She’s OK

By Winlar™
©2007
winlar@winlar.net

A little poem about our front-runner and the enthusiasm she generates.

1.
Winning in O-eight will surely not be hard
It’s like we Dems have a “Get out of jail free card!
(Or to be more precise, if you’re asking me
The card says, “Get out of Guantanamo free”)

The Repubs they seem screwed. Man, they really are reeling
So how should we capitalize on that feeling?
We could choose any candidate! Short, stout or gaunt
You name it! We’ll have any prez that we want!

So whom are we choosing? Who’s in the lead?
Who is the savior we all want and need?
Who is the one with the style and appeal, he’s
Her? That one? No kidding? Oh really?

She’s the frontrunner? The one we’ll salute?
The nasally voiced gal in the pantsuit?
The right-leaning one? The one so maligned?
She is the one we shall all get behind?

Well, not who I’d choose, but ya’ know, what the hey…
Hillary, Yeah, well I guess she’s OK.

2.
She’s not one for whom y’all might flip your lid
She does not ignite passion like Monica did
She’s not one to rally the troops with her style
Or make a crowd cheer, or chest-thump, or, well, smile

With Hillary it’s more about “why not” than “why”
And hey, she is married to that other guy
And she’s also a woman, so that’s something new
She’s no Barbara Boxer, but yeah, well, she’ll do

And folks know her name, so that holds some cache
Hillary. Yeah. Well. I guess she’s OK

3.
She can act nearly human and can act sort of smart
She served in the Senate and board of Wal-Mart
(A store that says “unions? No need for them!"
What a natural fit for all of us Dems!)

She’s so nearly watch-able and so nearly funny
And her perfume’s the sweet smell of big corporate money
And that money doth more than make up for her flaws
Despite running afoul of a few finance laws…

And that pro-corporate finance gives her the heft
To represent all of us folks on the LEFT?
It’s not what you do folks, it’s what you can pay
Hillary, Yeah, well I guess she’s OK.

4.
So what if her votes on Iraq need some fixin’?
And she’s slightly less liberal than Richard M. Nixon?
And she hasn’t accomplished too much on the hill?
And seeing her face makes us scream out for Bill?

And she’s such a big target for all right-wing spin?
And by far the least likely of all Dems to win?
And half the land's citizens already hate her?
We just have to elect her; we don’t have to date her!

So we’ll nominate her. We’ll do the dance
Who needs someone folks like or who’s got half a chance?
We’re democrats. Losing’s not just a cliché
Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK.

6.
I think that she’ll be quite a… yeah… nominee
She’ll battle hard with President Huckabee
Or Romney or Thompson, whoever is sent
To beat her and serve as our next president

Yes, I’m sure we’ll be glad we gave her our support
When the last of the lefties has left the Supreme Court
And they gleefully go and replace old Ruth Bader
With a cross between Pat Robertson, and Darth Vader

Who cares if the country might go straight to hell?
Hillary! Hillary! Yeah. Um. Oh well.

7.
So let’s take the chance. Come on, what’s the harm?
She’s got all of Bill’s baggage, and none of his charm
The most pol’rizing figure in U.S. History
How she'll heal our poor, fractured nation’s a mystery

There are those both more liberal and less divisive,
Those with names heard with words not so derisive
Those who aren’t everyone’s favorite pincushion
But those aren’t the products we’re soon to be pushin?

We’re pushin’ Hillary! Without a doubt
She’s good as… someone we’re excited about
We can’t wait to put her fine name on the roster
And spending 4 more years discussing Vince Foster…

She fits our party like one bad toupee
Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

OK, now everybody chant!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

Louder!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

Beltway insiders in the house! Let me hear ya!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

One more time! With passionate apathy!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…
Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

CURTAIN

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Rapture Song!

video

The Rapture Song
By Winlar
2007
winlar@winlar.net

D
The world is going all to heck
G
Right before our eyes
D
But if you’ve read your bible
A
It’s not much of a surprise

D
The universe unraveling
G
Just like we prophesied
D
You might try to save it
A
But I’m not going to try

D
A horrific time is coming
G
For all humanity
D
And I pray to God it’s something
A
That I’ll be alive to see

D
Wars will start and crops will fail
G
And heads will soon be severed
D
The tribulation’s on its way
A
And it’s the best thing ever!

Chorus:
G
It’s the end of the world
......................D
And I can’t wait!
A
It’s coming very soon
So don’t forget to mark the date
D..................................G
Bloodshed, smiting, it will be
D.............................A
Something to celebrate
G..............................A
It’s the end of the world
......................D
And I can’t wait
D,Dsus,D

Bridge
........................Gm...............Dm
There’ll be a nuclear conflagration
Gm......................Dm
Between us and Iran
Gm..............................Dm
It’ll kill millions of people
Gm........................Dm
And I say bring it on
Gm.......................Dm
A big religious ho-down
Gm.............................Dm
What ever could be smarter?
Gm..............................Dm
Everybody wins you know
A
When everyone’s a martyr!

It’s the end of the world
And I can’t wait
Think about that ‘fore y’all go out and fornicate
Best get behind our president before it gets too late
It’s the end of the world
And I can’t wait

Satan and his evil
Will finally be captured
You may have heard about it
It’s this thing we call the rapture

After which comes famine, plague
And all sorts of diseases
But who cares ‘bout human suffering
If I get to meet Jesus?

Chorus:
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
Time to tear down that old wall
Between the church and state
God will take out his revenge on all the folks I hate
It’s the end of the world
And I can’t wait

Bridge 2
Gm........................Dm
Global Warming Mr. Gore
I think it’s really neat
It shows God isn’t happy
And he’s turning up the heat

So don’t look to your science
To explain the rising water
Get used to high temperatures
Cause hell’s a whole lot hotter!

Chorus:
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
Oh the joy when this all goes, I know you can relate
It gets me so excited I wish I could masturbate
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait

For 7 years, Christ won’t be here
On earth, which might seem odd
At such a time of crisis
He’d get the heck out of Dodge

But he’s taking all good Christians
Up to heaven in a bucket
And without all our compassion
All you folks down here can suck it!

Chorus:
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
So glad I only ever had sex just to procreate
God will save the righteous
So you’d better hope you’re straight!
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
Oh yeah
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait!

CURTAIN

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I Like Beer More

video

I Like Beer More 3.1
By Winlar + GT
2006
winlar@winlar.net

D...........................................................................G.........................D
1. Babe, you’ve often asked me if there’s someone else I’m seein’
D.........................................................A
Looks like I’m cold busted, so I’d best come clean
D....................................................G...........................D
When it comes to lovin’, well I have this other thing
D........................................................................A
And perhaps that is one reason why you never got that ring
D.........................................G
I have another lover, to whom I often run
D..........................................................A
Tall and brown and gorgeous, and lots and lots of fun
D.........................................G............................
Sharp and effervescent, smooth and oh so bold
D..................................................A
At times downright bubbly, at other times, quite cold

Chorus
G.............................................................D
You asked me not keep my feelings secret anymore
G.........................................................D
But there are feelings in me I can no longer ignore
G.........................................................D
Baby, you’re my angel, whom I worship and adore.
A
You know I love you baby…
Tacit
But I like beer more

DDD, GGG,DDD, AAA, DDD, GGG, D, A, DDD

(Same as above but faster)
2. As humans go, you’re wonderful
Thoughtful and sublime
But compared to a tall cold frosty one
Well beer wins every time
Yeah hon, You come in second
To lager, stout and ale
Does that make me a jerk? Hell no,
It only makes me MALE

You asked me not to keep my feelings secret anymore
You know I love you baby…
But I like beer more

Bridge1
G
You’re a better nurturer
D
You’re a better giver
G
You’re better for my heart
D
And much better for my liver
G
I know you really love me
D
And I know you really care
A
Yet I still put beer above you…
Well, who said that life was fair!

3. Babe, to show I love you
Baby just you watch
I’ll give up wine I'll give up rum
I’ll even give up scotch
But I’ll still fool around with beer
Hell, I’m a man
She’s been there when I needed her
And she’s got a gorgeous can

Chorus
I'm at a point in my life where I still want to explore
You know I love you baby…
But I like beer more

Bridge 2
You’re both darned attractive,
especially with your tops off
But beer is easier to take
when it decides to pop off
Oh darlin’ don’t you know how much
I love your sexy ways
But beer goes down more easily
When comes the end of day

4. So babe you know there's room
In our relationship for two
Let's spend the weekend together
Just you and me and brew
You’ll find this “open” relationship
Gives us both a lotta leeway
So how 'bout it? You me, St. Pauli Girl
Let’s have ourselves a three-way!

Chorus:
Hon this ain’t a contest, Though, yes I am keeping score
You get the silver medal, so you really can't be sore
We'll talk about it later, but right now, why don't you pour?

You know I love you baby.
But I like beer more

CURTAIN

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Creationist

In honor of Republican candidates Huckabee, Tancredo and Brownback, a little song about the Earth's origins. At least the way they believe them.
video
Creationist

By Winlar
2007
winlar@winlar.net

F....Fsus..........F
I once met a man
Fsus.............F
Got me so pissed
Cm7 Bflat F
Creationist
F....Fsus..........F
He inspired this song
Fsus.............F
Pratting along
...................Cm7.......Bflat F
'Bout how Darwin was wrong
Fm.............................................Cm Fm......Cm Fm....Gm
He argued against Darwin’s treatise the Origin of Species
Fm.............................................Cm Fm......Cm Fm..................Bflat
With ad-homonyms tantamount to chimps throwing their feces
F...............Fsus...........F
But I had nothing to do
Fsus..............F
So I listened to
Fsus...........F
His verbal poo

2.
God’s word to my ears
He said the earth’s age
Was 6 thousand years

So said the apostles
And he trusted them
More than he trusted fossils

He said radioactive dating was not fit to mention
And dinosaur bones were God’s trick to see if we were paying attention
And Carbon 14
Just a smoke screen
From the secular spin machine

3.
I took up the fight
I said that can’t be right
What about the speed of light?

There’d be too much delay
Light from stars far away
Couldn’t get here by today

He laughed at my argument and he had just the debunker
"Don't you know light traveled faster back when it was younger?"
I practically drooled
They want this shit
Taught in our schools?

I was unaware
That our little talk
Could go downhill from there

But he went on and on
Floods and the tower
Of Babylon

I asked who was he to be spewing this crap like a geyser?
He said “Nice to meet you, I’m Bush’s new science adviser.”
That’s when I resigned
There’s no intelligence
In this design

You just cannot win
With them and their kin
Original spin

Why must they exist?
Man I’m so pissed
Creationist

CURTAIN


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dance Babies Dance!

Some fun this week. I let my wife choose what video to blog, and she of course chose this clip of the Kazoo! babies, Wily, Izzy and a cameo by Moxie. Enjoy!
video

Thursday, September 20, 2007

January 20th, 2009

OK. I must be getting good, because I got text and video in the same blog! I decided to post this song as it (mercifully) has an expiration date. FYI, the lyric as of today should read 488 days.


video

January 20th 2009

By Winlar + GT
2007
winlar@winlar.net
Intro
D
When things are grey
G
There is a day
D............................A
That I so dream about
D
It is a date
G
Which looms so great
.........D.........A..........D
That I just want to shout
D
I know it’s strange
G
What can time change?
D.....................A
The future is uncertain
D
But I do know
G
Of a really bad show
...................D................A...............D
On which, soon we’ll draw the curtain

G................C...............G.....................D
January twentieth, two-thousand nine
G.......................................C...............G.....................D
Don’t know what I’ll be doing, but I’ll be doing fine
Em..................C................D................G
Can’t wait to wake up Jan twenty-first
Em..............................C...............................D................G
Things may not get better, but they can’t get much worse
Em..................C................D................G
Oh for that day, how I yearn and I pine
G.............C........................D...............G
January twentieth, two-thousand nine

Bridge
D......................................................................G
For eight year’s we've been trapped in a circus
D................................................................................G
Wondering which way next these goons would jerk us
D....................................................................G
And now the whole big tent is counting down
C.................................................................Csus..............C
‘Til we finally see the last of all these scary, scary clowns

January twentieth, two-thousand and nine
Oh boy howdy, I’ll be having a good time
We’ll all be partying in all sorts of ways
In just Five-hundred and ninety-one days
Hope the world is still around by that time
January 20th 2009

Bridge 2
It’s like a sports event that isn’t any fun
But win or lose, at least it will be done
Our team is now just running out the clock
Because it’s win win win once we’re rid of this c*ck!

January twentieth, two-thousand nine
We’ll climb back this side of the sanity line
Neither of them can ever come back
It’s like a pre-planned impeachment combo heart attack
An exit strategy set up by God divine
January twentieth, two-thousand nine

Bridge 3
We’ll finally have an end to all the scandal
The extent of which, we still don’t have a handle
After eight years of cover-ups and vises
I’ll gladly welcome a blow-job as the nation’s greatest crisis!

January twentieth, two-thousand and nine
Though if they’d like to leave a little sooner that’d be fine
I’m sure we’ll handle the transition with class
On the way out, don’t let the door hit your ass!
Hope they’ve finally learned how to pull out on time
January 20th, 2009

Won’t it be great not to deal with these swine?
It would be nice if they’d just up and resign
Dear God I hope we choose much better next time
January 20th 2009!


video

Monday, September 10, 2007

Turn up your hearing aid

In case you haven't noticed, I'm updating the blog every Thursday now, hopefully with some video as well as creative wordigy. So check in each Thursday for something new.
This week, here's a song from my last show. Try to guess who it's written about!
--w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zserVTDINc

Jesus Needs to Talk Louder

By Winlar + GT
2007
winlar@winlar.net

Intro chords Dm, Dm7, Dm, Dm7

Dm
You say you bounce all your decisions off God
Yet the results strike everybody as odd
Gm
You say the lord chose you
Am..............................Dm
And you couldn’t be prouder
But all these things the big guy tells you to do
Don’t make much sense so I think that you need to
Gm
Either turn up your hearing aid
Am..................................Dm
Or Jesus needs to talk louder
Gm
You need to turn up your hearing aid
Am...................................Dm
Or Jesus needs to talk louder

Dm,Dm7,Dm, Dm7 etc..
Dm
I think it’s strange that the advice that God’s giving
Ends up with multitudes no longer living
..............Gm
Yet you stand by your plan
Am...............................Dm
And you couldn’t be stouter
Invasions, shock and awe and troop increases
Jesus said “peace” dickhead, not “left in pieces”
Gm
Either turn up your hearing aid
Am..................................Dm
Or Jesus needs to talk louder

BridgeGm
He blessed the peacemakers and blessed the meek
Dm
Gave unto Caesar, turned the other cheek
Gm
Of loving all mankind he’d boldly speak
A
Did you miss Sunday school that fuckin’ week?

Dm
He said to heal the sick and help the poor
Not send them off to fight a senseless war
Gm...........................................Am
And now I think he’s tellin’ you
....................Dm
To take a powder
Listen more closely and you’ll hear God saying
"Try a little more thinking and a little less praying"
Gm
Turn up your hearing aid
Am...................................Dm
Or Jesus needs to talk louder
Gm
You need to turn up your hearing aid
Am.....................................Dm
Or Jesus needs to talk louder


Dm, Dm7, Dm, Dm7 to end....
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