Thursday, February 28, 2008

Love, Politics, and Love...

Hey, sorry I haven't blogged lately, but here's why... A show! Next week!
Come out!
Winlar! Love, Politics… and Love
March 7th, 8th, 14th and 15th. 2008

In the heart of this political season, scene-stealing comic genius Winlar, former writer for Almost Live!, NPR's Rewind with Bill Radke and theater's Kazoo! sketch comedy group, skewers politics with his usual comic rants, hilarious songs and otherworldly strangeness. Come join him and special guests for an evening of fun, hilarity and permanently fixing American Politics as we know it.
Cover $: 10
The Jewel Box Theater in the Rendezvous Bar and Restaurant (21 and over only)
2322 2nd Ave
Belltown 441-5823

This will also serve as the long awaited DVD release party for the long-awaited DVD of Winlar's last show "Nothing Controversial: Just Religion, Politics and How to Raise Your Children." A steal at just 10 bucks!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Super Dooper Toosday!!

OK. Since this is the first ever super DOOPER Tuesday primary, I thought I would give a running diary of how the evening is going, I don’t know how this is going to work. It’s gonna be a long night, and I plan on taking a lot of breaks.

Here we go.
4:37:45 PM
I’m going to start officially when the polls close a 5pm PST. (I’m on the west coast of western civilization here.) But I want to get some notes down on things that have gone on so far:

Huck won West Virginia, in a corrupt bargain that Henry Clay would be proud of. Romney nearly had the 50 percent of the caucus, but on the second round, the McCain cronies threw their votes to Huck and boned him. The Republican race was already pissy, now it just got unreal…

Obama won Georgia, and immediately someone chimed in that “it’s just because he’s black.” My god Is it any wonder that there hasn’t been a black president yet?” If you win, you had an advantage, if you lose, well, a black candidate can’t win can they? It’s maddening. They just keep unfairly moving the bar for this guy.

Oddly, we know that Obama will win with less than 2% of the precincts in.

5:28:24 PM
Well, I’m a bit late officially starting, but there haven’t been too many projections yet. Obama wins Illinois, duh, Hillary wins Oklahoma, (does anyone really win Oklahoma?) And let’s see, as I type this, with one second to go before Arkansas polls close, Hillary wins Arkansas. What if you were about to vote with 1 second left? Not very responsible CNN!

Huck wins Arkansas in a no-brainer. Huck’s having a good night. Might win Georgia, got West Virginia. Of course a good night for him is a bad night for Romney.

Romney did pick up that Republican bastion of Massachusetts.

5:32:39 PM
Wolf Blitzer projects Tennessee for Clinton. The graphic goes up in mid-sentence, and Wolf acts like he was choking on a sandwich.

5:34:21 PM
Bit of a lull now as David Gergen analyzes Hillary’s win in Tennessee, so I’ll tell you what I’m looking at right now.
I got two TV’s with CNN on one and MSNBC on the other. Will I watch some FOX as well tonight? We’ll see. It’s hard to work the remote and type at the same time and I do want to get information as opposed to radically biased, bought and paid for opinion. So we’ll be checking in on Fox infrequently.

I have to say, the amount of information in front of me is STAGGERING! Just one TV I think would be unreadable, and having two, which include the crawler at the bottom even during commercials, is completely overwhelming.

5:37:30 PM
Catching up here, I think McCain took Delaware He’s running the northeast with Connecticut too. Oh and New Jersey. Basically he’s winning states the Reps won’t get in the general election. Does that mean anything? I have no idea

5:39:38 PM
Wolf goes to a split screen with 15 pie charts at once. Aaaaaah! Too much! Plus every pie chart uses only shades of blue, or shades of red. I see an ADA lawsuit coming from colorblind people.

Also, in what has to be some kind of conspiracy, CNN has decided on light blue for Obama and dark blue for Clinton, while MSNBC has the exact opposite. This will be messing with my mind all night.

5:41:24 PM
Some predictions for the night: (I know, we may be halfway through, so predictions are a bit late, but since I’m likely to be wrong anyway, who cares? I’m not betting any real money. I promise)

McCain will just about lock it up tonight on the Republican side. It will be boring in every sense of the word there.

I’m boldly predicting Hillary to win more states, but Obama to win more delegates. With the Dems splitting the delegates in most states, it really is starting to look like they come down to the convention. Super delegates are going to be huge, and I’m worried that Clintons and the party money are going to get them all and it just may suck

5:45:40 PM
The handsome gray haired guy on CNN who I like and whose name I should damned well know does an analysis of Georgia votes using one of those county maps, that are unwatchable and pointless. Throw in that there are 4 candidates and they are only using one color and I have to change the channel

5:47:33 PM
CNN projects Delaware for McCain, way behind MSNBC.

5:48:09 PM
Double commercial on both channels as both networks draw their collective breath before polls close in the Midwest. POLLS ARE CLOSING IN THE MIDWEST PEOPLE! THIS IS THE ONE WE’VE BEEN TRAINING FOR! STATIONS PEOPLE! STATIONS!

5:49:37 PM
OK, I turned to FOX news just in time for a commercial break. So coordinated commercials on all channels. FOX has Britt Hume, who is a decrepit vampire who sold out his journalistic credibility long ago, and a very hot blond. Very Hot.
This calls to mind the persistent rumor that Fox exec watch audition tapes for new female anchors with the sound off. Yeah.

I refuse to watch commercials on FOX, so back to CNN where not one but Two US maps are up behind Wolf. USA! USA!!

5:53:21 PM
Swithed the sound over to MSNBC where Huck has won Alabama. They’re in the middle of an interview with Bill Richardson, who is sporting the “I just lost a political race” beard, and I have to say, it is smokin’! He should have had this all along. Currently sporting a goatee myself, (writer’s strike solidarity) I have to say I’m stunningly jealous. That is an awesome goatee. If Bill could lose 30 pounds and keep the goatee, Hillary would have no women’s vote. He looks gooooooood!

5:56:58 PM
Tim Russert says that there won’t be a definitive winner tonight. Duh

5:57:34 PM
MSNBC calls Massachusetts for Hill. Let’s celebrate with a commercial.

All right. Dinner’s ready, so time for my first long break of the night.
Wait, can’t break yet. Here come the closings and the projections…

6:00:35 PM
Hillary wins New York. No-brainer there. Give her another few years and she’ll have even more home states to win…

Huh, no other projections. Shows you that CNN doesn’t have any exit poll staff west of the Mississippi.

OK. Now dinner. Chicken patties and sweet potato fries if you’re curious. We’re on a modified South Beach diet. That’s how I live. Now you know.

6:27:36 PM
My daughter Moxie chimed in with some comments above, more insightful than mine. What’s been going on during dinner? My daughter drooled a lot, my son went down for a bath and John McCain took New York, Hillary took New Jersey, and Obama took Delaware.

I switched over to Fox, and the smokin’ hot blonde said, “explanation for Delaware going to Obama? The black vote.” Oh yeah? In frickin’ Delaware? Has there ever been a more racist network than FOX? It took all of 20 seconds for them to say something crass and stupid. I’m switching back.

6:32:13 PM
OK, I think I have an excuse for Chris Matthews. He’s drunk 24/7. He just runs his mouth and runs his mouth and if he ever sobered up he’d ask “What did I say?”
But here’s the thing. I LIKE CHRIS MATTHEWS. Weird. I didn’t think I’d hear myself say that, and it’s certainly not too chic to like him right now, but with everyone else being so measured, it’s nice to see someone who is just true to himself. He’s an ass, so he shows us his ass side. What more do people want? Go Chris. I can’t stop talking when I’m drunk either.
I think that’s why so many people hate him. So many people try so hard to put on the persona of a blustering wind-bag, when they see someone with a god-given natural talent for it like CM, they’re beside themselves with jealousy. Well I for one have decided I admire CM for being the chatty-cathy doll with a broken string that his creator intended him to be.

6:35:43 PM
Just heard a bunch of demographics that talk about what a good night Obama has, and yet he’s not really winning many states, so I’m confused.

6:37:27 PM
Pundit call of the night “Tie goes to Obama!” Thanks Joe Scarborough! Now I’m psyched for baseball season… Go Mariners!

6:38:55 PM
You know, at this point, I’m just going to quote pundits out of context.
CM: “Where is Romney Country?”

6:41:24 PM
We’re close to the always crucial poll closings in Idaho, North Dakota, and Utah. So all 5 voters in those states, best get out and vote now!
I’m really hoping that those three states break for Obama, and the pundits quickly accredit it to “the black vote”

6:44:15 PM
Howard Dean is on. Man, he has that Bush-F-ups-litany down pat now. He must give that 4 times a day to news agencies.

6:48:04 PM
CNN just called Massachusetts for Clinton. How long ago did MSNBC do that? 51 minutes ago that’s how long. I thought I remembered typing Massachusetts.
Now they project New Jersey. I think that’s at least a half hour late.

6:52:38 PM
Time to finally go to the Internet and check out polling. Why? Because I need even more information than two simultaneous cable news networks can give me. OK? Be right back.

7:00:14 PM
Shockeroo! Romney wins Utah! I’m pretty sure it’s because of the black vote…

Speaking of Romney, I flipped over to FOX again, to their dark and scary newsroom, and I am renaming the Fox news channel the “Mitt Romney Apologist Network.” Man, they aren’t just partisan; they are from a specific wing of that party.

It’s kind of an odd phenomenon. It’s kind of like there’s one network covering the Republicans and one covering Dems. Sad. That’s how divided this nation is.

7:03:40 PM
MSNBC calls North Dakota for Obama! Black vote really turned out for him!! (In North Dakota, the black vote’s name is "Dave…")
Here’s what’s hilarious. The polls closed iin North Dakota less than 4 minutes ago, and 89% of the precincts were reporting! I know I made the cheap shot joke about the 5 people, but man, they count those votes quick up there! (What else is there to do?)

7:05:59 PM
Utah for Obama! How many times can I use the Black Vote joke? Too many already? Should I have held out for Utah? Well, I made my point.

7:08:20 PM
Shhh! Huck is talking! He’s having a hell of a night! Can I say hell? He might get 4 or 5 states. He really has EVOLVED as a candidate. Get it? Evolved! (He doesn’t believe in it…)
If Huck runs against Hill in the general election, will we have “Arkansas Fatigue?” Don't we already?

7:11:06 PM
Time for a break while Huck spiels his hate-speech-inspired-by-God-himself.

7:18:31 PM
Kansas goes for Obama too. I’m trying to think of a different joke, but they all fall flat…
Groan… We’re still in for a long night.

There is now, according to MSNBC “A Huckabee Factor”
Good to know.

7:22:32 PM
Keith Olbermann just said “The Huckabee people.” Man, everything about his candidacy is funny. Oh, except his actual positions. Those are scary.

7:28:13 PM
So CNN actually beats MSNBC to a projection and calls Connecticut to Obama. I have no idea who is winning what or ahead or behind or anything right now.
CNN just called Alabama for Huck. Chris Matthews says it’s now 7 states to 6 for Obama over Clinton. I am just being inundated with way too much information right now.
Oh, thank goodness. Mitt Romney is speaking now. That will be a break from any information…

7:32:22 PM
CNN beats MSNBC again and gives Minnesota to Obama! Obama’s on a 6 state run or something.

7:45:17 PM
Arizona goes shockingly to McCain. How many days ago do you think CNN went ahead and made up that graphic? Did they even bother exit polling do you think?

7:47:42 PM
CM is interviewing Haley Barbour who has one redneck mother of a southern accent, and is asking him about Limbaugh who has been way involved in the Romney-McCain crap. Man, do I ever wish that Rush Limbaugh would run for something. Anything. Mr. Dish-it-out-but-can’t-take-it himself. Oh it’d be fun to watch him actually have to defend his hair-brained beliefs. But it will sadly never happen, because deep down Rush knows he's just a pathetic fat piece of crap.

7:50:59 PM
Hillary’s going to give her acceptance speech before the polls in California even close. I wonder why. She’s clearly been seeking wardrobe advice since her Senate run in NY. That yellow outfit is a good color for her. She has good speechwriters too. They know how to hit every vote-able issue and work them together in a 30 second sound byte span.

7:57:57 PM
Hillary sort of hits on her “They’ve been taking shots at me for 16 years, and I’m still here!” line. Is it just me, or does that fall sort of flat for anyone else? “Vote for me, I’ve been hated for a long time! Oh my god! The things they’ve dug up about me! There couldn’t possible be any MORE could there? Not after all that! Could there? So yeah, vote for me! They have to run out of mud eventually! Right?” Just not that inspiring.

8:00:59 PM
MSNBC seems to be projecting Idaho to Obama.

8:02:02 PM
The ticker reminds us that Alaska polls close in just an hour and 28 minutes. That’s what we’re all waiting for right? Right.

8:03:10 PM
Oh, yeah, polls just closed in California too.

8:12:16 PM
CNN Projects Mitt to win Minnesota. Again, one of the “proportional delegate” states for Mitt. He just seems to be getting outplayed at the game. When he wins, he doesn’t get much, but when McCain wins it’s for all the marbles. At 71 years old, John’s finally figuring out how politics is played. Now if only Ralph Nader would learn that lesson…

8:15:32 PM
MSNBC calls Arizona for Hill. Breaks Barack’s streak. By the way, if you’re wondering why I keep using “Obama” instead of “Barack” it’s because I’m totally not sure how to spell Barack and and that nervousness makes me go with the last name I can see in front of me. I also keep using “Hill” because it’s shorter and I’m lazy. (You won’t see this in the final copy, but I spelled Barack three different ways typing that paragraph just now and had to correct them all.)

8:39:56 PM
Haven’t made an entry in a while. I haven’t been taking a break, there really hasn’t been anything of interest. McCain is speaking now, so I’m gonna have some peanuts and watch him.

8:41:54 PM
Wait. No peanuts yet. This could be good. McCain is giving his speech, while Barack is entering to his people, and they have them on split screen. For a little bit, the intro music for Obama was bleeding over into the McCain speech and I honestly thought he was gonna lean through the split screen and say “You Whippersnappers Knock off that racket!!”
This (god-willing) will be one of many times Obama upstages McCain and blows him out of the water. Did the Obama Campaign time that purposely for contrast? Brilliant if they did! NOW it’s peanut time!

9:17:05 PM
Well, a lot happened during the peanuts. Obama inspired goose-bumps. McCain inspired a nap. The big news being that Romney won Montana! Romney won Montana!
Oh, and Hillary and McCain were each projected to win California...

And with Montana determined, that means it’s about time to wrap up. Looks my prediction was backwards. Obama took more states, but I think Hillary will get the delegate edge, though nobody in the world will attempt to do the math right now. McCain does seem like he’s just about locked it up, but he hasn’t quite yet, and there is still a great deal of dissention and bitterness in the republican party, which delights me to no end.

I'll end with a very pessimistic scenario all Democrats should be afraid of:
Obama and Clinton split delegates pretty much 50/50 all the way to the convention. Let's say Obama has a slight edge in the voted-in delegates. They go to the convention with it still in the air, then Hillary pulls off all the Superdelegates and is able to get the delegates from Florida and Michigan who aren't supposed to be official, since no other candidate contested those primaries. With these delegates, she pulls off the majority and takes the nomination. Does such a scenario not undo all the positive steps in the party over the last 2 years and lead to certain doom come November? I'm frightened of this. Very frightened.

Well anyway we'll see next up is my home state of Washington! I finally do get to cast a meaningful vote. And yes, it will be for Obama, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. When the nation is divided, we turn to an honest man from Illinois.

9:46:10 PM
Hey! Obama got Alaska! I stayed up late enough for that.

See you next week,

Friday, February 01, 2008


Another debate (this one the GOP Supertuesday debate from California) and another running diary. Just what you need! My thoughts and opinions of the whole debacle as they went down.
Let's see how it went! Enjoy!

OK. Let’s fire this thing up. Yes, I’m doing this running diary very non-live and a day late, but I think that’s fitting for this current batch of Republican candidates, so what the heck?
I have it on the Comcast DVR (SUCKS!) so let’s hope it recorded.

Notes before we begin: You may ask, why am I picking on the Republicans, and not doing the Democrats this week? Well, I figured that with 4 candidates, and all of them just a little unhinged, I thought the Republicans would be more interesting and comical and after watching the Democratic debate just now, I’m thinking that was a good call.

Giuliani is out of the race, which makes me sad, because I always root for the lisping guys, but it gladdens me that I won’t have to spell his last name any more. Too bad Rudy, but I’m sure the other candidates will pick up the slack and mention Ronald Reagan and 9-11 way too often for you.

(A note on Rudy’s exit. Stupid pundits keep pointing to the “Florida Strategy” for how Rudy went from polling 1st a year ago to 3rd today, and I haven’t heard anyone say the real truth, which is that he was just slammed hard from both sides in the party. You might have a chance fighting one tiger, but when there are tigers on the left, right, religious right and religious left of you, slowly picking you apart, the results are grizzly. By the way, I erred when I predicted, “the slow dismantling of Rudy Giuliani.” It was WAY more rapid than I expected.)

Speaking of last names, I’m going to use the first or nicknames for all the Republicans, because Mitt, Huck, are fun to say, and Ron Paul has two first names anyway. However, I just can’t bring myself to call McCain “John.” Can you? I’m thinking even his wife calls him Senator McCain. I think this is a problem for him. Look at the last presidents, W, Bill, George, and Ronnie. We like to elect guys we’re on a first name basis with.

This debate is taking place in the Ronald Reagan Library. So here’s my plan. Instead of just counting every reference to Ron, I’m going to chime in with a factoid about the Reagan tenure of office.

OK. Well, I’m sick as a dog tonight and may pass out at any moment, but what the heck? Let’s do this thing!

9:08 PM
Let’s start things off with Nancy Reagan. Why not? She still is hanging in there. What was she 50 years younger than Ron?

Oh God, they’re actually going to debate in front of Air Force One. Good god, how tacky. From the seating, it looks like some people actually have a wing obstructing their view. That can’t be fun.

9:11 PM
OK. The moderators are introduced, and they’ll be reading questions submitted by the great unwashed across cyberspace. But not really. They’ve been heavily filtered by CNN and so don’t worry.

9:13 PM
First question. “Are you better off now than you were 8 years ago…” Let the dodging begin!

Mitt talks about how great Massachusetts is. Not a good strategy for Republicans. Might as well talk about the nice furniture in hell.
Mitt gets into it with Anderson Cooper who says smarmily “Are you running for Governor. Or President?” What are the odds that one of these guys smacks Anderson tonight?

9:16 PM
McCain goes with “Straight Talk.” Unfortunately, my daughter has a toy that makes a revving noise that is exactly the same timbre and vocal tone as his drone, so I’m missing most of this.
Anderson interrupts him too. He is going to get really grating. I like Anderson Cooper, but I wonder if he’s going to interrupt every single answer in mid-sentence.

McCain makes the first Ron reference of the night about controlling spending.
Reagan Factoid: Reagan never submitted a balanced budget to congress! The Democratic Congress cut items out of his budgets, and they still had record deficits.

Huck: We’re not better off. He makes his populist appeal. He hasn’t learned that the first rule of Republican politics is NEVER MENTION THE POOR!

9:23 PM
Ron Paul makes it unanimous. Unless you live in Massachusetts, things are worse for you now. Oh, and apparently Ron thinks our whole system is messed up. Huh.

9:24 PM
New question to Mitt: Is McCain really “liberal?”
Mitt just lays on the attack. He’s rehearsed this diatribe. It’s right out of a Repub focus group. Oh, and he rips on the New York Times. My god! Why do these guys insist on trashing the most prestigious paper in the world? Oh, because most of their constituency are bitter about the fact that they can’t understand it.

McCain rebuts with that cold, quiet “Oh shut up you, I’m a war hero” tone. He sullies right back. I love that they go to the two shot, so we just see Mitt smiling and nodding as McCain rips on him. It has this whole feel of “He’s so right, I do suck.” It’s weird, but if he scowls, or god forbid, sighs, people will talk about what a grump he is.

Mitt fires back smiling while berating McCain and essentially calling him an incompetent liar.
Side note about Mitt: Have you seen that the Colbert Report portrays him as Guy Smiley from Sesame Street? It’s spot on, hilarious and brings back tons of nostalgia for me.
(Guy Smiley is the name of the game show host Muppet btw)

9:36 PM
Mitt’s still wrapping up refuting the assertion that, god forbid, his health care plan cost money. Apparently, it did not.

9:38 PM
Huck is asked about a Rush Limbaugh quote slamming him. Huck claims to love Rush Limbaugh. He just lost my vote, and the vote of anyone capable of reason. That and evolution, and well, being crazy takes him out of the reason vote. He does seem like a nice guy. I wouldn’t mind him being the designated driver for me after a drinking binge. But I get to pick the radio station.

9:40 PM
Mitt’s asked about raising “fees.” Man I’m tired of “Fees.” What a non-issue.

9:42 PM
McCain’s asked about greenhouse gasses and Schwarzenegger’s environmental policy. (Arnold in the house! Only Hollywood type there) He makes the obvious “Oh, he might beat me up” joke. Even Arnold is tired of that one. Huck made a similar joke once about Chuck Norris. Is it too much to want a president like Harrison Ford in Air Force One? (Bad movie btw.) Hillary could kick Chuck Norris’ ass, why can’t these guys show some backbone?
Oh, and McCain gives a reasoned answer about greenhouse gasses but the camera is too obsessed with shots of Arnold to notice.

9:46 PM
Same question to Mitt: So far, there’s a clear bias in moderation. These two guys (Mitt and McCain) each get the same question like they’re the only ones there. It’s totally media manipulation. CNN sucks.

Mitt reminds us that it’s “Global warming” not “America Warming” Thanks Mitt!

Huck has to interrupt to chime in about federalism.

Ron Paul is allowed to speak. Not sure why. But then Anderson Cooper cuts him off. We have heard 12 seconds of Ron Paul in this debate. I was starting to wonder if he was still there.

9:50 PM
Huck comes out against the tax rebates, further killing his chances at winning.
He’s right about infrastructure, sort of, but it’s hard to pay attention because while he is speaking, Mitt makes a smarmy little aside comment to McCain to the effect of “who is this guy, and what’s he doing in our debate with each other.” That’s probably not what he really said, but it seemed very rude. Are you not happy getting 90 percent of the debate time Mitt? Got to talk during other guy’s time too? Manners!

9:53 PM
Mitt chimes in on infrastructure with big dig news. He basically laughs at Huck’s plan.

Ron Paul somehow connects all of this to foreign policy and why we shouldn’t have one. He’s a tad predictable don’t you think?

9:55 PM
New topic: Foreclosures

McCain’s answer to most questions I just realized goes like this, “well I think we’re doing a pretty good job, but I think there’s still a long way to go.” Iraq, the economy, sub-prime mortgages... Sadly, I think this is how he truly feels about everything.

10:07 PM
I took a break to make some soup. I’m really really sick and doing this diary now is a bad idea. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sit through much more of this economic squabbling. Ugh

Reagan Reference! Factoid: When Reagan took office, the USA was the world’s biggest creditor nation. When he left, we were the biggest debtor nation! USA! USA!!

10:10 PM
I’m going to enjoy my soup now. I’m only going to comment if someone punches somebody.

10:12 PM
We’re onto immigration. All the real immigration nuts are out of the race now, so I’m expecting a hate-off to see who gets the Latino-hating vote.

Mitt says he’ll allow immigrant children in schools to finish the school year they’re enrolled in because somewhere deep down, Mitt has a teeny bit of a soul. See it? It’s way down there under the… Oh, that’s some mustard from lunch… But the soul’s in there. Trust me.

McCain is accused of treating illegals humanely. He counters. “Oh no, we’re gonna build us a wall they’d kill for in the old Soviet Union! Woo hoo!” I hate that these guys are turning our nation into exactly what we hated about the Soviets in 1980. We’re in Afghanistan, we’re building walls, monitoring our own citizens…

10:18 PM
Ah Abortion’s the new topic! Here we go.

Huck talks of the “Sanctity of Human Life.” Man, am I ever tired of that buzzword. Especially since it's almost always used by someone who has imposed the death penalty or started a war.

10:22 PM
Ron Paul is literally cut off in mid-sentence again. Anderson Cooper treats him like an annoyance.

Mitt uses the secret code “Strict Constitutionalist” which means, pro-life judges only. Um… Weird, but I’m pretty sure but Abortion isn’t mentioned in the Constitution anywhere…

Here’s where I sometimes get politically incorrect on abortion. Sometimes A part of me wishes that just one state would ban it. (Not mine of course) How long before the unmitigated disaster that would play out caused them to reverse that decision on a national level? How many kids running across the border from Arkansas to another state (or Mexico) for a procedure they should have gotten at home would set off a national outrage? As soon as one young girl died, or one doctor was sent to jail, this country would send in the National Guard just to rightfully slap that stupid state around. Have these guys never played out this scenario in their heads?
Abortion is a classic “Then What?” issue. (A term coined by ME! Winlar!) As in, “So we outlaw abortion in Texas… Then what?” Or: So we invade Iraq and get rid of Sadaam Hussein… Then what?” I guess what I’m looking for in these candidates is foresight.

10:30 PM
OK, we’re back from commercial break, and… we go to another commercial break.

10:31 PM
Peggy Noonan is quoted, ripping on Bush for killing the Republican Party. A big part of me despises Peggy Noonan, and I continue to do so. Yeah, the bad thing about Bush is he ruined the Republican Party. Never mind that he F-ed up the COUNTRY. No the party is his biggest crime. Peggy’s a mercenary plain and simple.

Mitt stands up for Bush. Why does he keep doing that? Cut bait and run Mitt.
Anyway, Mitt gets a smattering of applause for saying that Bush kept us safe. A pathetic smattering.
Then he talks about Iraq and says, “The Democrats say it’s more important to get out than to WIN. I want to WIN” What a great attitude… if you’re playing in the Super Bowl. But IRAQ ISN’T A GAME! We’re talking about millions of lives, displacing populaces, monumental fear and bloodshed. You don’t win these things Mitt. War is war. You don’t win you just survive. Idiot.

Reagan reference! “The house that Reagan built.” Factoid: Reagan gave guns to Osama Bin Laden and Sadaam Hussein!

10:37 PM
Now to Iraq. Question goes to Mitt. Mitt has gotten to talk more than all the other candidates combined tonight. What gives with that? Is he just long-winded? It’s morbidly unfair. Is no one keeping track of this?
Mitt makes a Reagan Reference! Factoid: National debt when Reagan took office: 914 billion dollars. (With a B) When he left? 2.6 trillion dollars! (With a T!)

10:42 PM
McCain looks like a hurt puppy after Mitt accused him of “Dirty tricks Reagan would have been disgusted by.” They’re haggling over timetables for leaving Iraq, because the enemy will just “Lie in the weeds until we leave.” Boy, wouldn’t it be awful if our troops didn’t get shot at until the date they left? Wouldn’t that just be awful? Yeah that would be terrible because… our… troops… wouldn’t… get… shot at… huh?

10:45 PM
The McCain-Mitt bickering has gone on so long that I’m wondering if Huck and Paul are still even there. Boy, do these guys ever look presidential right now I must say with dripping sarcasm.

10:48 PM
God! More Mitt! I’m almost ready to elect him president if he’ll JUST SHUT UP!
(I think I’ve hit the wall. Oh wait, I hit the wall a long time ago.)

Note: The Republican Candidates have officially changed the name of the New York Times to “Even the New York Times” as in, “Even the New York times said you lied.” Be sure to go out and subscribe to Even the New York Times today!

10:50 PM
Wait, what’s happening? I don’t understand… Oh! Ron Paul is being asked a question! Hasn’t happened in so long I forgot that was allowed.
The question of course is, “Do you agree with John McCain?” Natch.
Poor Ron feels like he has to talk so fast that he seems a bit doddering. Still, he makes amazing points on Iraq. He scores more in one minute than McMitt did in the last 40 minutes they were allowed to carry on.
It’s sad when an anarchist is the voice of reason for your party…

10:54 PM
Huck chimes in about a 100 year involvement…. In this debate! (Rim shot please. That was my joke, not his.)

10:56 PM
Here’s a fun game! When McMittHuck talk about “It’s not about how long we’re in Iraq, it’s about winning” substitute the word Viet Nam for Iraq. OK, it's more of a poignant game, but it's a game. Unlike war.

10:58 PM
We’re promised “A barrage of questions” for Huck. Let’s see if by barrage they mean more than one.

Huck’s asked about Vladimir Putin and comes across as an intellectual lightweight.

Reagan Reference! Factoid: Reagan allowed his wife’s astrologer to influence policy!

Um, the barrage of questions was… one. Nice hearing from you Huck! See you after the debate.

My God. Mitt’s amping up hatred for Putin, China, and foreigners in general to build back the coalition of hate. He makes no sense.
Man, I lived through a world where we feared Russia. Let’s never go back there.

11:03 PM
We’re back to asking economy questions to McMitt again. This is the worst moderated debate I’ve ever seen. It has the organization and flow of a damaged CD.

Man am I hating Mitt Romney. Since when did being a rich asshole make you presidential material? Sure, presidents tend to be rich assholes, but that’s not what qualifies them for the job. You’re backwards there Mitt.

11:07 PM
Again a question for Romney! What the hell? OK, he doesn’t have military experience. Most rich assholes don’t. Why ask him about that?

11:09 PM
Now McCain is asked whether Mitt is ready to be commander in chief. When did we enter this Mitt-centric universe?

McCain looks tired. Not as tired as me, but tired.

Ron Paul gets to talk about the economy, and he’s on crappy footing here. All he can say is how he’s going to do things by doing nothing. Bashing our current economic system isn’t going to play when it’s made us so frickin’ rich. Well, some of us…

11:13 PM
Huck makes a good joke about the earlier “Barrage of questions” lie. Well, he did have a lot of time to think of one… I’m waiting for him to do a Glenn Close Fatal Attraction “I will not be IGNORED, Anderson!”
Uh oh. He mentioned the poor again. Millions of Republicans tuned out… (Such a cheap shot, but I’m proud of it.)

11:16 PM
Ok, the last question (I hope) is “Why would Ronald Reagan endorse you.”
There will obviously be a ton of Reagan mentions here so I won’t bother to put factoids to them. But let me just say something to you kids out there. I lived through the Reagan Presidency. I voted for the bastard. (Stop gasping. It’s a deep dark secret. I was 18 and stupid.) And let me just say unequivocally that Ronald Reagan was a HORRIBLE president. We lived 8 years in abject fear of nuclear war, homeless people were everywhere, the world hated us, and he bankrupted two nations, one of them our own. The only thing he did well was look good in a suit. So don’t let anyone convince you of his sainthood. The only reason that Republicans are slurping him so much is that Bush is somehow worse, and if they don’t sanctify Reagan they have to go all the way back to Eisenhower.

That being said, let’s hear why Ronnie Ray-gun would have loved Mitt Romney!

Wow, apparently Reagan had opinions on a lot of stuff that didn’t happen until after he died! And they all agree with Mitt’s positions! What a visionary!

Did Ron Paul just come out for the Gold Standard? What is this 1920? We must be very near the end now… (Of the debate, or the world, I’m not sure which)

And we’re out! Damn. Well, I’m glad we got the entire country's problems fixed with that 90-minute discussion. Who knew that Mitt and McCain calling each other liars would make the country a better place?

Tune in next week for my running diary of Super Tuesday. It should be up on Wednesday, and it should be… well… Just tune in damnit!

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