Saturday, May 31, 2008

Not as Think as you Drunk I am


Not as Think as you Drunk I am
By Winlar™ and GT
©2007
winlar@winlar.net

It’s been a wonderful party
And now things are windin’ down
But I can see what you’re up to gal
Yeah I’m a been who’s guyed around

You think I’m just a little slit boshed
And you can have your way with me!!
But I got a surprise for you there babe
As you shall soon see

(Chorus)

I’m not as think as you drunk I am
I ain’t beer that much had
I can still straight up tall and stand
No, I ain’t tooin’ do bad!
I’m still thinking bell as a clear
I’m just as tack as a sharp my dear.
So don’t you natronprize me there ma’am
I’m not as think as you drunk I am

(Bridge)
I’m not so confused
It’s all a clever ruse
And since I can’t seem to keys my place
Why don’t we make out?
You’ll see it’s just a fake-out
I ain’t even close to fit-shaced.

I know you’re getting all worked up
Listnin’ to my silophosie
You’re thinking, “man, he can hold his liquor
Gosh I wish he was holding me!”
How can a man put ‘em back like I do
And not get remotely ripped
I can drink all the booze I want
If I just take tiny sips

(Chorus)

(Bridge 2)
Oh, I may speak queerly
But I can see clearly
Through my whatsome intoxicated eyes
Please don’t demean this
I really really mean this
When I say I really love you guys.
No. No. I REALLY love you guys
NO! I REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS!

I’ve seen the way that I look at you
Your eyes literally shout it
You think that I’m in the state I’m in
And you might do someone adoubt it
You think I’m she treats to the wind
And tonight just might be your night
Well I got sad news for you there babe!
…you’re probably right…

(Yeah, you’re probably right…)

(Chorus)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I gotta few brain cells too many....

This week's song seems apropos, as a comment on Hillary's assault on mathematics. The Clinton campaign's "We've received more popular votes" nonsense is an affront to common sense and clear thinking everywhere. Hillary, you know we love you, but the fact is that Obama is ahead by half a million votes. Check out this very informative link:
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/2008/president/democratic_vote_count.html\
(Please forward that link to everyone you know in the interest in getting the unspun truth out.)

To keep repeating this obviously fraudulent claim goes well beyond spin and into blatant outright lie territory. Worse is that members of the mainstream media have picked up on it, and keep repeating this fabrication of logic. Shame shame shame.

As a Washingtonian, what galls me most is that with her slanted statistics Hillary not only throws out my state's unpublished caucus results, but also doesn't count our somewhat pointless but still official state primary! Obama beat her ass two times up here on the west coast of western civilization yet she chooses to ignore both in her anti-logic. She's ignoring the voters of my state TWICE!

Here's a thought. You say you're fit to be president? Well start ACTING PRESIDENTIAL for crying out loud. Presidents need to level with the public, shouldn't try to make lies true by repeating them, and can't change the laws of arithmetic when it's convenient. No wonder you're losing among the college educated and those who have the unfortunate habit of "paying attention."

So anyway, it hurts my educated brain. So here's a song about that:

Few Brain Cells Too Many
By Winlar + GT
2008
winlar@winlar.net

I’ve been trying to follow politics, and it just hurts my head
It fills me with confusion, migraines, angst and fear and dread

When I try to get my head around what's happenin' it hurts me
So I went to see a doctor, who came up with a remedy

He said what I got goin' wrong up there, what’s making me morose
Is unlike the average American, I'm followin' things too close
It’s not whatI don’t understand it’s that I understand too well
And that’s caused by these growths in my skull-ular region that the medicos call “brain cells”

So he gave me an easy prescription that I’m quite anxious to try
I got a few brain cells too many. I gotta make them go bye bye!

The doc could tell me right away, why politics make me hurl
I got an NPR type mind you see, and it’s an MTV type world
And that's why I'm not gettin' this thing called "Democracy"
It's being run by folks who watch reality TV

VH1 and C-SPAN both make more sense when you’re high
Got a few brain cells too many, gotta make them go bye-bye

Bridge

Now, The preferred way to kill brain cells is banging your head on the wall
Or just watch the State of the Union Address, and that should pretty much take care of them all
But I’ve got a plan that’s much more fun, and just might work a little quicker
Those brain cells think that they’re so smart, let’s see if they can handle their liquor!

Let’s see if they can stand up to the whiskey and the rye
Got a few brain cells too many.
Gotta make them go bye bye

And now I'm fittin' right in, I'm following everything to the letter
Sure the country and my liver may be going to hell, but my attitude couldn't be better
Now, me and the American public, we got but three brain cells between us
What else explains a land where Karl Rove is considered a genius?

It’s time for my medication, so here’s mud in yer’ eye
I got a few brain cells too many, I’m gonna make them go bye-bye!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Tater Tots



Girl you left me
Made me blue
I cried all the way through the drive-thru
And at the window
Destiny
A reminder how things could be
Golden brown
Cylindrical
Potato magic so wonderful
They came to me
Sizzling hot
Just like sex with you was not
(I had perspective on our relationship. And it goes something like this.)

(Chorus)
Girl you’re hot
I liked you quite a lot
But what you’re not
Is Tater tots
(Repeat)

Potato pieces
chopped up fine
And then rejoined a second time
Held together
By mystery
The way that love’s supposed to be
A magic bond
Thicker than blood
Between reconstituted spuds
Proof that our love
Was a lie
Inside a Taco time mexi-fry
(Girl, a fast-food side dish taught me more about love than you ever could)
(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Tater tots
From Taco time
Were once coated with spice and lime
But slowly as
Things came about
The spicy seasoning was fazed out
Much like immigrants
From Mexico
Often let their cultures go
In efforts to
Assimilate
Into these United States
(It’s very sad, this particular metaphor, but it is undeniable that tater tots and the American dream are quite delicious.)
(Chorus)

So girl we had
A lot of fun
But the tots tell me we’re done
They make feel
Comparatively great
When juxtaposed with our many dates
A simple tuber
Rightly fried
Can make me feel just as good inside
And here’s the really
Bitter part
I think they’re better for my heart
(Sorry Girl, the tots have spoken)

(Chorus)

What’s that girl? You want me back? Sorry girl, that ship has flown. Girl, you smell good. What’s that behind your back? Girl? Is that two large orders of TacoTime mexi-fries? One for you, and one for me? What? One and a half for me, and a half for you? Oh, you’re on a diet. Huh. Girl, I think I may just give you a second chance…

Girl I thought
I’d give you another shot
Because you brought
Some tater tots
(Repeat)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Nicotine Penis


Nicotine Penis
by Winlar & GT
©2000
winlar@winlar.net

I keep breaking up with you, boy
Can’t stand you one bit, but you’re so hard to quit
Each time we break up, yeah, it’s a safe bet
You’ll be back in my mouth like a cheap cigarette

Chorus:
Seems nothing can come between us
‘Cause you’ve got a nicotine penis
Each time I’m with you it leaves me so sad
Foul taste in my mouth and my breath it smells bad

But all of my plans to leave you Jack-o
They go up in smoke like so much tobacco
I try to stay away, I try to not date
But I get real, real cranky and gain lots of weight

(Chorus)

Bridge:
I’ve got to find another way

I’m into you three packs a day
This has gone way too far
After all a cigar is just a cigar
Just a cigar…

Even though you’re no great romancer
Your love eats away at my heart like a cancer
I’m like a victim in some sad fable
Love ought to come with a warning label

(Chorus)

So it’s no use, from good sense I’m evicted
Come to me, baby, I’m full on addicted
I’m all yours baby, please do not shun me
Take me away to flavor country

(Chorus)

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!
Contact Winlar