Monday, February 06, 2017

He's Not A Real Christian

I was born an evangelical
My family worships god
So this the last election,
Well I found it pretty odd
That so-called evangelicals
Gave whole-hearted support
To a man who acts so much more like
The devil than the lord
So I feel there’s something I must say
to evangelicals
About the guy they voted for
Come on guys, what the hell?
He’s not a real Christian
He’s not a real Christian
He’s not a real C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N
You were born yesterday
If you think he’s born again
He’s not Christian.
Never a Christian
Ya’ best wise up and wise up quick
He’s not a real Christian
He’s just a dick

I’ve listened to his speeches
They’re really all quite witless
No respect for God’s command
thou shalt not bear false witness
He stirs up hatred daily
and he whines like a boss
Clearly acting like HE was the
one up on the cross
No other gods before God?
Well, it could not be clearer
The only god he ever worships
He sees in the mirror.
He’s not a real Christian
He’s not a real Christian
He thinks enough arrogance and greed’ll
Get his camel through the eye of a needle
Not Christian
Such a fake Christian
He’s selfish immature, his soul is sick
He’s not a real Christian
He’s just a dick
He’s full of hate and vengeful
Jesus said turn the other cheek
He’s a freakin’ ego maniac
Blessed are the meek
He can’t get enough of torture
Jesus preached empathy
He’s trying to close our borders
Jesus was a refugee
Don’t you see?
He’s not a real Christian
He’s not a real Christian
His racist xenophobic Muslim ban
Our Lord and Savior would not be a fan
Not Christian
He’s such a fake Christian
His outlook’s positively Satan-ic
He’s not a real Christian,
He’s just a dick.
So come on evangelicals
Don’t tell me this liar
Is really who you’ve gone and picked
To be your new messiah
Or is this bogus holy talk
All just a clever ruse
To give your inner racist self
A biblical excuse?
If that’s the case, then I’m afraid
I’ve got one more refrain
And it goes out to you until you grow yourself a brain
You’re not a Christian
You’re not a Christian
Jesus said “Give unto Ceasar”
Not grab married women by the beaver
Fake Christian
Don’t be a fake Christian
Jump the heck off of his sinking ship
C’mon become real Christian
Don’t be a dick.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Inauguration Song

He’s gonna make America great again

He’s gonna do nothing but win, win, win

He’s drain the swamp and bring coal jobs back

He’s gonna end all future terrorist attacks

He’s gonna teach us the meaning of freedom.


And he likes to get peed on.


He’s unpresidented, there’s no disputin’

He’s ain’t no puppet of old Vlad Putin

He’ll bring to the office his logic and reason

He’ll lead us all without a hint of treason

Forget majority rule, let’s just speed on


And he likes to get peed on...


Oh the evangelicals love him so!

He’s friends with both Corinthians, you know!

They came and voted for him in reams

He must symbolize their Freudian dreams

He’s their new messiah, no dispute

What would Jesus do? With Russian prostitutes?

So bask in the warm stream of your vote

To put the USA into a leaky Russian boat

You can’t believe a word he’s ever said

But your in bed with him now, so try not to get wet

Wear your galoshes and just proceed on

would it really surprise you

If he also likes to eat poo?

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