Pointy-headed Intellectual

Since when did we decide in this brave land of the free
That to love our land we must be mired in imbecility?
The “love U.S. or leave it” crowd just keeps on talking tough
And as a proud college alumnus I’ve had much more than enough

I’m tired of so-called pundits telling me time and again
I’m less of an American ‘cause there’s more in my brain
A patriot is more than just a jingoistic dunce
We can win this war on terror using more than ignorance

So hear this once and hear it well you bloated balls of gas
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still Kick your ass

I’m tired of being told about how our shit isn’t stinky
By folks who think the Dixie Chicks are “just a bit too thinky”
My colors don’t run either and I love my Uncle Sammer
But when I write country songs I use PROPER GRAMMAR!

I can rock out with Bon Jovi yet appreciate smooth Jazz
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still kick your ass

Bridge
I can dance, I can sing I can play guitar
I can fact-check on the web like a superstar
I can beat you on the court, in the classroom or the bar
And the presets on my radio are tuned to NPR
(Don’t make me go all Nina Totenberg on your ass motherfucker! Cuz I will!)

I love people regardless of their gender, race or class
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
Public Radio member!
And I can still kick your ass
I'm not a snob, elitist or excessively refined
Just because I mock the hobgoblins of your wee puny mind
Did you not get that reference? I'll simplify a notch
I just zinged you quoting Emerson. Feel the burn bee-yatch!

I’m full of piss and vinegar, and wittily parsed sass
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still kick your ass!

Bridge 2
I pack a mighty wallop, so prepare to be out-flogged
And I got lots of free time so prepare to be out-blogged
I use Socratic logic, so prepare to be out-thunk
And I'm a Democrat, so you're gonna get out-drunk!
(C’mon, just you, me, and a cheeky Pinot Noir. What are you scared?)

I can quaff sip or chug it, just gimme the glass
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual
And I can still kick your ass!

So stop telling me that I should not influence this nation
Just because before espousing I look up my information
I got a love of country and a mind that's all my own
And that should trump a fat-ass and a radio microphone

Don't discriminate against me just because I'm good at math
I’m a pointy-headed intellectual…
Liberal!
Soccer player!
Community organizer!
And I can still kick your ass!