Trump is an Alien

When it finally comes out that Trump is and always was an alien from outer space sent down to destroy humanity from within, we’re all gonna feel pretty stupid. I mean, the dude is bright orange for crying out loud! It’s gonna be quite the head slapper. We really should have seen that coming.

He’s not even that good a simulation of a human being, right? That simulation is flawed. They messed up the software. He’s clearly still in beta testing, but they rolled him out anyway and 44% of us fell for it.

Would you really be surprised if he was just what an alien thinks a human being is sort of like? “I don’t know. Humans talk about how great they are all the time don’t they? They aren’t capable of compassion are they? Because programming compassion would take a lot of time and 2016 is right around the corner… Tell you what, we’ll give him spite, vanity and vengeance as far as emotions go, but nothing complex. Tight skedj here!”

The fuckers didn’t even bother making him a NATURAL HUMAN COLOR! And we (well, 44% of we...) bought it.

And he’s working out perfectly for them. He’s warming up the planet to just the temperature they want. “It’s all a Venusian… I mean a Chinese hoax!” He’s got everyone mistrusting everyone by race, ethnicity, and population density. Divide and conquer. No way humanity is rising up Independence Day style. Nope. He ain’t no Bill Pullman. (I would totally swap Bill Pullman for him right now, no questions asked. Straight up trade today, no backsies.)

It is the perfect blueprint for taking over another planet, if we ever get to that level of advancement. (Which thanks to Trump and his fear of science, we likely never will now.) 5 easy steps:

1. Install a “leader” in the planet’s most powerful country.
2. Lie 18,000 times in 3 years.
3. Let him work his orange magic teaching that the only way forward is to hate, fear and divide.
4. Make sure he never wears a tan suit. Oh the scandal! The scandal!
5. Make Pluto Great Again!

We’ll have them drinking bleach in no time.