1
I talked to Jesus the other day and he wanted to get things straight
He’d been quiet a long time and he was kind of irate
He didn’t want to be too crass did not want to be rude
But he’d held his tongue for 2000 years,and that messes with a dude
What made him break his silence, the straw that broke his back
Was a book come out written by an old political hack
A book entitled unironically “So Help Me God”
Authored by Mike Pence, which put JC at odds
And reading drafts of it, well it made J want to vomit
And he broke his big millennials-long silence just to comment
And he told me in no uncertain words, bold and intense
“I didn’t die on the cross for motherfuckers like Mike Pence!”
2
If you never met Jesus, well, you really outta
He’s the only guy I’ve ever met can get drunk drinkin’ water
We sat down at the restaurant and ordered the bread and fishes
The waiter said they were out, but somehow rustled up some dishes
Then we sat down with 11 other friends and dined
And Jesus quite profanely and beatifically opined
He said “I said love immigrants!” and Pence’s policies
All hate on immigrants. Immigrants like… me!!!
This guy, he abetted putting imm’grant kids in cages
For him to claim he’s on my side, well that is just outrageous
You can’t be pro Jesus Christ and anti-immigrants
I didn’t die on the cross for motherfuckers like Mike Pence
3
I didn’t spill blood on the cross hour after painful hour
All for rich white plutocrats to justify their power
I do not like this asshole, I do not like this dude
Who uses me to justify his corporate-suck-itude
He uses my name in vain and says he’s the chosen one
But he has a Pontius Pilate vibe if ever there was one
The way he separates Moms from children at the borders
And ducks behind excuses like “I vaz just following orders!”
You might be surprised that I’m bein’ so blunt, but blimey
If some folks get upset,well, what they gon’ do? Crucify me?
It’s time for the real Christians to come out and talk some sense
I didn’t die on the cross for motherfuckers like Mike Pence
