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Hillary, yeah, well...

So Hillary claims that her official campaign song is "You and I" by Celine Dion? Nonsense. I've come up with a better one that speaks more to the enthusiasm she brings to us an a candidate. Enjoy.

Hillary, Yeah, I Guess She’s OK
By Winlar™
©2007
winlar@winlar.net

A little poem about our front-runner and the enthusiasm she generates.

1.
Winning in O-eight will surely not be hard
It’s like we Dems have a “Get out of jail free card!
(Or to be more precise, if you’re asking me
The card says, “Get out of Guantanamo free”)

The Repubs they seem screwed. Man, they really are reeling
So how should we capitalize on that feeling?
We could choose any candidate! Short, stout or gaunt
You name it! We’ll have any prez that we want!

So whom are we choosing? Who’s in the lead?
Who is the savior we all want and need?
Who is the one with the style and appeal, he’s
Her? That one? No kidding? Oh really?

She’s the frontrunner? The one we’ll salute?
The nasally voiced gal in the pantsuit?
The right-leaning one? The one so maligned?
She is the one we shall all get behind?

Well, not who I’d choose, but ya’ know, what the hey…
Hillary, Yeah, well I guess she’s OK.

2.
She’s not one for whom y’all might flip your lid
She does not ignite passion like Monica did
She’s not one to rally the troops with her style
Or make a crowd cheer, or chest-thump, or, well, smile

With Hillary it’s more about “why not” than “why”
And hey, she is married to that other guy
And she’s also a woman, so that’s something new
She’s no Barbara Boxer, but yeah, well, she’ll do

And folks know her name, so that holds some cache
Hillary. Yeah. Well. I guess she’s OK

3.
She can act nearly human and can act sort of smart
She served in the Senate and board of Wal-Mart
(A store that says “unions? No need for them!"
What a natural fit for all of us Dems!)

She’s so nearly watch-able and so nearly funny
And her perfume’s the sweet smell of big corporate money
And that money doth more than make up for her flaws
Despite running afoul of a few finance laws…

And that pro-corporate finance gives her the heft
To represent all of us folks on the LEFT?
It’s not what you do folks, it’s what you can pay
Hillary, Yeah, well I guess she’s OK.

4.
So what if her votes on Iraq need some fixin’?
And she’s slightly less liberal than Richard M. Nixon?
And she hasn’t accomplished too much on the hill?
And seeing her face makes us scream out for Bill?

And she’s such a big target for all right-wing spin?
And by far the least likely of all Dems to win?
And half the land's citizens already hate her?
We just have to elect her; we don’t have to date her!

So we’ll nominate her. We’ll do the dance
Who needs someone folks like or who’s got half a chance?
We’re democrats. Losing’s not just a cliché
Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK.

6.
I think that she’ll be quite a… yeah… nominee
She’ll battle hard with President Huckabee
Or Romney or Thompson, whoever is sent
To beat her and serve as our next president

Yes, I’m sure we’ll be glad we gave her our support
When the last of the lefties has left the Supreme Court
And they gleefully go and replace old Ruth Bader
With a cross between Pat Robertson, and Darth Vader

Who cares if the country might go straight to hell?
Hillary! Hillary! Yeah. Um. Oh well.

7.
So let’s take the chance. Come on, what’s the harm?
She’s got all of Bill’s baggage, and none of his charm
The most pol’rizing figure in U.S. History
How she'll heal our poor, fractured nation’s a mystery

There are those both more liberal and less divisive,
Those with names heard with words not so derisive
Those who aren’t everyone’s favorite pincushion
But those aren’t the products we’re soon to be pushin?

We’re pushin’ Hillary! Without a doubt
She’s good as… someone we’re excited about
We can’t wait to put her fine name on the roster
And spending 4 more years discussing Vince Foster…

She fits our party like one bad toupee
Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

OK, now everybody chant!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

Louder!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

Beltway insiders in the house! Let me hear ya!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

One more time! With passionate apathy!

Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…
Hillary. Yeah. Well, I guess she’s OK…

CURTAIN

The Rapture Song!

The Rapture Song
By Winlar
2007
winlar@winlar.net

D
The world is going all to heck
G
Right before our eyes
D
But if you’ve read your bible
A
It’s not much of a surprise

D
The universe unraveling
G
Just like we prophesied
D
You might try to save it
A
But I’m not going to try

D
A horrific time is coming
G
For all humanity
D
And I pray to God it’s something
A
That I’ll be alive to see

D
Wars will start and crops will fail
G
And heads will soon be severed
D
The tribulation’s on its way
A
And it’s the best thing ever!

Chorus:
G
It’s the end of the world
......................D
And I can’t wait!
A
It’s coming very soon
So don’t forget to mark the date
D..................................G
Bloodshed, smiting, it will be
D.............................A
Something to celebrate
G..............................A
It’s the end of the world
......................D
And I can’t wait
D,Dsus,D

Bridge
........................Gm...............Dm
There’ll be a nuclear conflagration
Gm......................Dm
Between us and Iran
Gm..............................Dm
It’ll kill millions of people
Gm........................Dm
And I say bring it on
Gm.......................Dm
A big religious ho-down
Gm.............................Dm
What ever could be smarter?
Gm..............................Dm
Everybody wins you know
A
When everyone’s a martyr!

It’s the end of the world
And I can’t wait
Think about that ‘fore y’all go out and fornicate
Best get behind our president before it gets too late
It’s the end of the world
And I can’t wait

Satan and his evil
Will finally be captured
You may have heard about it
It’s this thing we call the rapture

After which comes famine, plague
And all sorts of diseases
But who cares ‘bout human suffering
If I get to meet Jesus?

Chorus:
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
Time to tear down that old wall
Between the church and state
God will take out his revenge on all the folks I hate
It’s the end of the world
And I can’t wait

Bridge 2
Gm........................Dm
Global Warming Mr. Gore
I think it’s really neat
It shows God isn’t happy
And he’s turning up the heat

So don’t look to your science
To explain the rising water
Get used to high temperatures
Cause hell’s a whole lot hotter!

Chorus:
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
Oh the joy when this all goes, I know you can relate
It gets me so excited I wish I could masturbate
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait

For 7 years, Christ won’t be here
On earth, which might seem odd
At such a time of crisis
He’d get the heck out of Dodge

But he’s taking all good Christians
Up to heaven in a bucket
And without all our compassion
All you folks down here can suck it!

Chorus:
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
So glad I only ever had sex just to procreate
God will save the righteous
So you’d better hope you’re straight!
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait
Oh yeah
It’s the end of the world and I can’t wait!

CURTAIN

I Like Beer More

I Like Beer More 3.1

By Winlar + GT
2006
winlar@winlar.net

D...........................................................................G.........................D
1. Babe, you’ve often asked me if there’s someone else I’m seein’
D.........................................................A
Looks like I’m cold busted, so I’d best come clean
D....................................................G...........................D
When it comes to lovin’, well I have this other thing
D........................................................................A
And perhaps that is one reason why you never got that ring
D.........................................G
I have another lover, to whom I often run
D..........................................................A
Tall and brown and gorgeous, and lots and lots of fun
D.........................................G............................
Sharp and effervescent, smooth and oh so bold
D..................................................A
At times downright bubbly, at other times, quite cold

Chorus
G.............................................................D
You asked me not keep my feelings secret anymore
G.........................................................D
But there are feelings in me I can no longer ignore
G.........................................................D
Baby, you’re my angel, whom I worship and adore.
A
You know I love you baby…
Tacit
But I like beer more

DDD, GGG,DDD, AAA, DDD, GGG, D, A, DDD

(Same as above but faster)
2. As humans go, you’re wonderful
Thoughtful and sublime
But compared to a tall cold frosty one
Well beer wins every time
Yeah hon, You come in second
To lager, stout and ale
Does that make me a jerk? Hell no,
It only makes me MALE

You asked me not to keep my feelings secret anymore
You know I love you baby…
But I like beer more

Bridge1
G
You’re a better nurturer
D
You’re a better giver
G
You’re better for my heart
D
And much better for my liver
G
I know you really love me
D
And I know you really care
A
Yet I still put beer above you…
Well, who said that life was fair!

3. Babe, to show I love you
Baby just you watch
I’ll give up wine I'll give up rum
I’ll even give up scotch
But I’ll still fool around with beer
Hell, I’m a man
She’s been there when I needed her
And she’s got a gorgeous can

Chorus
I'm at a point in my life where I still want to explore
You know I love you baby…
But I like beer more

Bridge 2
You’re both darned attractive,
especially with your tops off
But beer is easier to take
when it decides to pop off
Oh darlin’ don’t you know how much
I love your sexy ways
But beer goes down more easily
When comes the end of day

4. So babe you know there's room
In our relationship for two
Let's spend the weekend together
Just you and me and brew
You’ll find this “open” relationship
Gives us both a lotta leeway
So how 'bout it? You me, St. Pauli Girl
Let’s have ourselves a three-way!

Chorus:
Hon this ain’t a contest, Though, yes I am keeping score
You get the silver medal, so you really can't be sore
We'll talk about it later, but right now, why don't you pour?

You know I love you baby.
But I like beer more

CURTAIN

Creationist

In honor of Republican candidates Huckabee, Tancredo and Brownback, a little song about the Earth's origins. At least the way they believe them.

Creationist
By Winlar
2007
winlar@winlar.net

F....Fsus..........F
I once met a man
Fsus.............F
Got me so pissed
Cm7 Bflat F
Creationist
F....Fsus..........F
He inspired this song
Fsus.............F
Pratting along
...................Cm7.......Bflat F
'Bout how Darwin was wrong
Fm.............................................Cm Fm......Cm Fm....Gm
He argued against Darwin’s treatise the Origin of Species
Fm.............................................Cm Fm......Cm Fm..................Bflat
With ad-homonyms tantamount to chimps throwing their feces
F...............Fsus...........F
But I had nothing to do
Fsus..............F
So I listened to
Fsus...........F
His verbal poo

2.
God’s word to my ears
He said the earth’s age
Was 6 thousand years

So said the apostles
And he trusted them
More than he trusted fossils

He said radioactive dating was not fit to mention
And dinosaur bones were God’s trick to see if we were paying attention
And Carbon 14
Just a smoke screen
From the secular spin machine

3.
I took up the fight
I said that can’t be right
What about the speed of light?

There’d be too much delay
Light from stars far away
Couldn’t get here by today

He laughed at my argument and he had just the debunker
"Don't you know light traveled faster back when it was younger?"
I practically drooled
They want this shit
Taught in our schools?

I was unaware
That our little talk
Could go downhill from there

But he went on and on
Floods and the tower
Of Babylon

I asked who was he to be spewing this crap like a geyser?
He said “Nice to meet you, I’m Bush’s new science adviser.”
That’s when I resigned
There’s no intelligence
In this design

You just cannot win
With them and their kin
Original spin

Why must they exist?
Man I’m so pissed
Creationist

CURTAIN