Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Super Dooper Toosday!!

OK. Since this is the first ever super DOOPER Tuesday primary, I thought I would give a running diary of how the evening is going, I don’t know how this is going to work. It’s gonna be a long night, and I plan on taking a lot of breaks.

Here we go.
4:37:45 PM
I’m going to start officially when the polls close a 5pm PST. (I’m on the west coast of western civilization here.) But I want to get some notes down on things that have gone on so far:

Huck won West Virginia, in a corrupt bargain that Henry Clay would be proud of. Romney nearly had the 50 percent of the caucus, but on the second round, the McCain cronies threw their votes to Huck and boned him. The Republican race was already pissy, now it just got unreal…

Obama won Georgia, and immediately someone chimed in that “it’s just because he’s black.” My god Is it any wonder that there hasn’t been a black president yet?” If you win, you had an advantage, if you lose, well, a black candidate can’t win can they? It’s maddening. They just keep unfairly moving the bar for this guy.

Oddly, we know that Obama will win with less than 2% of the precincts in.

5:28:24 PM
Well, I’m a bit late officially starting, but there haven’t been too many projections yet. Obama wins Illinois, duh, Hillary wins Oklahoma, (does anyone really win Oklahoma?) And let’s see, as I type this, with one second to go before Arkansas polls close, Hillary wins Arkansas. What if you were about to vote with 1 second left? Not very responsible CNN!

Huck wins Arkansas in a no-brainer. Huck’s having a good night. Might win Georgia, got West Virginia. Of course a good night for him is a bad night for Romney.

Romney did pick up that Republican bastion of Massachusetts.

5:32:39 PM
Wolf Blitzer projects Tennessee for Clinton. The graphic goes up in mid-sentence, and Wolf acts like he was choking on a sandwich.

5:34:21 PM
Bit of a lull now as David Gergen analyzes Hillary’s win in Tennessee, so I’ll tell you what I’m looking at right now.
I got two TV’s with CNN on one and MSNBC on the other. Will I watch some FOX as well tonight? We’ll see. It’s hard to work the remote and type at the same time and I do want to get information as opposed to radically biased, bought and paid for opinion. So we’ll be checking in on Fox infrequently.

I have to say, the amount of information in front of me is STAGGERING! Just one TV I think would be unreadable, and having two, which include the crawler at the bottom even during commercials, is completely overwhelming.

5:37:30 PM
Catching up here, I think McCain took Delaware He’s running the northeast with Connecticut too. Oh and New Jersey. Basically he’s winning states the Reps won’t get in the general election. Does that mean anything? I have no idea

5:39:38 PM
Wolf goes to a split screen with 15 pie charts at once. Aaaaaah! Too much! Plus every pie chart uses only shades of blue, or shades of red. I see an ADA lawsuit coming from colorblind people.

Also, in what has to be some kind of conspiracy, CNN has decided on light blue for Obama and dark blue for Clinton, while MSNBC has the exact opposite. This will be messing with my mind all night.

5:41:24 PM
Some predictions for the night: (I know, we may be halfway through, so predictions are a bit late, but since I’m likely to be wrong anyway, who cares? I’m not betting any real money. I promise)

McCain will just about lock it up tonight on the Republican side. It will be boring in every sense of the word there.

I’m boldly predicting Hillary to win more states, but Obama to win more delegates. With the Dems splitting the delegates in most states, it really is starting to look like they come down to the convention. Super delegates are going to be huge, and I’m worried that Clintons and the party money are going to get them all and it just may suck

5:45:40 PM
The handsome gray haired guy on CNN who I like and whose name I should damned well know does an analysis of Georgia votes using one of those county maps, that are unwatchable and pointless. Throw in that there are 4 candidates and they are only using one color and I have to change the channel

5:47:33 PM
CNN projects Delaware for McCain, way behind MSNBC.

5:48:09 PM
Double commercial on both channels as both networks draw their collective breath before polls close in the Midwest. POLLS ARE CLOSING IN THE MIDWEST PEOPLE! THIS IS THE ONE WE’VE BEEN TRAINING FOR! STATIONS PEOPLE! STATIONS!

5:49:37 PM
OK, I turned to FOX news just in time for a commercial break. So coordinated commercials on all channels. FOX has Britt Hume, who is a decrepit vampire who sold out his journalistic credibility long ago, and a very hot blond. Very Hot.
This calls to mind the persistent rumor that Fox exec watch audition tapes for new female anchors with the sound off. Yeah.

I refuse to watch commercials on FOX, so back to CNN where not one but Two US maps are up behind Wolf. USA! USA!!

5:53:21 PM
Swithed the sound over to MSNBC where Huck has won Alabama. They’re in the middle of an interview with Bill Richardson, who is sporting the “I just lost a political race” beard, and I have to say, it is smokin’! He should have had this all along. Currently sporting a goatee myself, (writer’s strike solidarity) I have to say I’m stunningly jealous. That is an awesome goatee. If Bill could lose 30 pounds and keep the goatee, Hillary would have no women’s vote. He looks gooooooood!

5:56:58 PM
Tim Russert says that there won’t be a definitive winner tonight. Duh

5:57:34 PM
MSNBC calls Massachusetts for Hill. Let’s celebrate with a commercial.

All right. Dinner’s ready, so time for my first long break of the night.
Wait, can’t break yet. Here come the closings and the projections…

6:00:35 PM
Hillary wins New York. No-brainer there. Give her another few years and she’ll have even more home states to win…

Huh, no other projections. Shows you that CNN doesn’t have any exit poll staff west of the Mississippi.

OK. Now dinner. Chicken patties and sweet potato fries if you’re curious. We’re on a modified South Beach diet. That’s how I live. Now you know.

6:27:36 PM
My daughter Moxie chimed in with some comments above, more insightful than mine. What’s been going on during dinner? My daughter drooled a lot, my son went down for a bath and John McCain took New York, Hillary took New Jersey, and Obama took Delaware.

I switched over to Fox, and the smokin’ hot blonde said, “explanation for Delaware going to Obama? The black vote.” Oh yeah? In frickin’ Delaware? Has there ever been a more racist network than FOX? It took all of 20 seconds for them to say something crass and stupid. I’m switching back.

6:32:13 PM
OK, I think I have an excuse for Chris Matthews. He’s drunk 24/7. He just runs his mouth and runs his mouth and if he ever sobered up he’d ask “What did I say?”
But here’s the thing. I LIKE CHRIS MATTHEWS. Weird. I didn’t think I’d hear myself say that, and it’s certainly not too chic to like him right now, but with everyone else being so measured, it’s nice to see someone who is just true to himself. He’s an ass, so he shows us his ass side. What more do people want? Go Chris. I can’t stop talking when I’m drunk either.
I think that’s why so many people hate him. So many people try so hard to put on the persona of a blustering wind-bag, when they see someone with a god-given natural talent for it like CM, they’re beside themselves with jealousy. Well I for one have decided I admire CM for being the chatty-cathy doll with a broken string that his creator intended him to be.

6:35:43 PM
Just heard a bunch of demographics that talk about what a good night Obama has, and yet he’s not really winning many states, so I’m confused.

6:37:27 PM
Pundit call of the night “Tie goes to Obama!” Thanks Joe Scarborough! Now I’m psyched for baseball season… Go Mariners!

6:38:55 PM
You know, at this point, I’m just going to quote pundits out of context.
CM: “Where is Romney Country?”

6:41:24 PM
We’re close to the always crucial poll closings in Idaho, North Dakota, and Utah. So all 5 voters in those states, best get out and vote now!
I’m really hoping that those three states break for Obama, and the pundits quickly accredit it to “the black vote”

6:44:15 PM
Howard Dean is on. Man, he has that Bush-F-ups-litany down pat now. He must give that 4 times a day to news agencies.

6:48:04 PM
CNN just called Massachusetts for Clinton. How long ago did MSNBC do that? 51 minutes ago that’s how long. I thought I remembered typing Massachusetts.
Now they project New Jersey. I think that’s at least a half hour late.

6:52:38 PM
Time to finally go to the Internet and check out polling. Why? Because I need even more information than two simultaneous cable news networks can give me. OK? Be right back.

7:00:14 PM
Shockeroo! Romney wins Utah! I’m pretty sure it’s because of the black vote…

Speaking of Romney, I flipped over to FOX again, to their dark and scary newsroom, and I am renaming the Fox news channel the “Mitt Romney Apologist Network.” Man, they aren’t just partisan; they are from a specific wing of that party.

It’s kind of an odd phenomenon. It’s kind of like there’s one network covering the Republicans and one covering Dems. Sad. That’s how divided this nation is.

7:03:40 PM
MSNBC calls North Dakota for Obama! Black vote really turned out for him!! (In North Dakota, the black vote’s name is "Dave…")
Here’s what’s hilarious. The polls closed iin North Dakota less than 4 minutes ago, and 89% of the precincts were reporting! I know I made the cheap shot joke about the 5 people, but man, they count those votes quick up there! (What else is there to do?)

7:05:59 PM
Utah for Obama! How many times can I use the Black Vote joke? Too many already? Should I have held out for Utah? Well, I made my point.

7:08:20 PM
Shhh! Huck is talking! He’s having a hell of a night! Can I say hell? He might get 4 or 5 states. He really has EVOLVED as a candidate. Get it? Evolved! (He doesn’t believe in it…)
If Huck runs against Hill in the general election, will we have “Arkansas Fatigue?” Don't we already?

7:11:06 PM
Time for a break while Huck spiels his hate-speech-inspired-by-God-himself.

7:18:31 PM
Kansas goes for Obama too. I’m trying to think of a different joke, but they all fall flat…
Groan… We’re still in for a long night.

There is now, according to MSNBC “A Huckabee Factor”
Good to know.

7:22:32 PM
Keith Olbermann just said “The Huckabee people.” Man, everything about his candidacy is funny. Oh, except his actual positions. Those are scary.

7:28:13 PM
So CNN actually beats MSNBC to a projection and calls Connecticut to Obama. I have no idea who is winning what or ahead or behind or anything right now.
CNN just called Alabama for Huck. Chris Matthews says it’s now 7 states to 6 for Obama over Clinton. I am just being inundated with way too much information right now.
Oh, thank goodness. Mitt Romney is speaking now. That will be a break from any information…

7:32:22 PM
CNN beats MSNBC again and gives Minnesota to Obama! Obama’s on a 6 state run or something.

7:45:17 PM
Arizona goes shockingly to McCain. How many days ago do you think CNN went ahead and made up that graphic? Did they even bother exit polling do you think?

7:47:42 PM
CM is interviewing Haley Barbour who has one redneck mother of a southern accent, and is asking him about Limbaugh who has been way involved in the Romney-McCain crap. Man, do I ever wish that Rush Limbaugh would run for something. Anything. Mr. Dish-it-out-but-can’t-take-it himself. Oh it’d be fun to watch him actually have to defend his hair-brained beliefs. But it will sadly never happen, because deep down Rush knows he's just a pathetic fat piece of crap.

7:50:59 PM
Hillary’s going to give her acceptance speech before the polls in California even close. I wonder why. She’s clearly been seeking wardrobe advice since her Senate run in NY. That yellow outfit is a good color for her. She has good speechwriters too. They know how to hit every vote-able issue and work them together in a 30 second sound byte span.

7:57:57 PM
Hillary sort of hits on her “They’ve been taking shots at me for 16 years, and I’m still here!” line. Is it just me, or does that fall sort of flat for anyone else? “Vote for me, I’ve been hated for a long time! Oh my god! The things they’ve dug up about me! There couldn’t possible be any MORE could there? Not after all that! Could there? So yeah, vote for me! They have to run out of mud eventually! Right?” Just not that inspiring.

8:00:59 PM
MSNBC seems to be projecting Idaho to Obama.

8:02:02 PM
The ticker reminds us that Alaska polls close in just an hour and 28 minutes. That’s what we’re all waiting for right? Right.

8:03:10 PM
Oh, yeah, polls just closed in California too.

8:12:16 PM
CNN Projects Mitt to win Minnesota. Again, one of the “proportional delegate” states for Mitt. He just seems to be getting outplayed at the game. When he wins, he doesn’t get much, but when McCain wins it’s for all the marbles. At 71 years old, John’s finally figuring out how politics is played. Now if only Ralph Nader would learn that lesson…

8:15:32 PM
MSNBC calls Arizona for Hill. Breaks Barack’s streak. By the way, if you’re wondering why I keep using “Obama” instead of “Barack” it’s because I’m totally not sure how to spell Barack and and that nervousness makes me go with the last name I can see in front of me. I also keep using “Hill” because it’s shorter and I’m lazy. (You won’t see this in the final copy, but I spelled Barack three different ways typing that paragraph just now and had to correct them all.)

8:39:56 PM
Haven’t made an entry in a while. I haven’t been taking a break, there really hasn’t been anything of interest. McCain is speaking now, so I’m gonna have some peanuts and watch him.

8:41:54 PM
Wait. No peanuts yet. This could be good. McCain is giving his speech, while Barack is entering to his people, and they have them on split screen. For a little bit, the intro music for Obama was bleeding over into the McCain speech and I honestly thought he was gonna lean through the split screen and say “You Whippersnappers Knock off that racket!!”
This (god-willing) will be one of many times Obama upstages McCain and blows him out of the water. Did the Obama Campaign time that purposely for contrast? Brilliant if they did! NOW it’s peanut time!

9:17:05 PM
Well, a lot happened during the peanuts. Obama inspired goose-bumps. McCain inspired a nap. The big news being that Romney won Montana! Romney won Montana!
Oh, and Hillary and McCain were each projected to win California...

And with Montana determined, that means it’s about time to wrap up. Looks my prediction was backwards. Obama took more states, but I think Hillary will get the delegate edge, though nobody in the world will attempt to do the math right now. McCain does seem like he’s just about locked it up, but he hasn’t quite yet, and there is still a great deal of dissention and bitterness in the republican party, which delights me to no end.

I'll end with a very pessimistic scenario all Democrats should be afraid of:
Obama and Clinton split delegates pretty much 50/50 all the way to the convention. Let's say Obama has a slight edge in the voted-in delegates. They go to the convention with it still in the air, then Hillary pulls off all the Superdelegates and is able to get the delegates from Florida and Michigan who aren't supposed to be official, since no other candidate contested those primaries. With these delegates, she pulls off the majority and takes the nomination. Does such a scenario not undo all the positive steps in the party over the last 2 years and lead to certain doom come November? I'm frightened of this. Very frightened.

Well anyway we'll see next up is my home state of Washington! I finally do get to cast a meaningful vote. And yes, it will be for Obama, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. When the nation is divided, we turn to an honest man from Illinois.

9:46:10 PM
Hey! Obama got Alaska! I stayed up late enough for that.

See you next week,

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