OK,
So I got another one of those annoying email messages that seem to circulate. You know the ones. They start off with a slightly humorous point, or an attempt to be cute, and then slowly morph into a right-wing, not-so-well-disguised fascist point of view. All of them seem to have the theme of "Oh, isn't the world just going to H-E-double hockey sticks, and isn't it great that folks like us who mindlessly forward pithy, poorly researched emails are keeping the rest of society above water?"
Well, rather than send my comments about this particular insipid mailing around the world in email form further perpetuating the problem, I've decided just to blog them. I won't make you read the original email (An Obituary for Common Sense) in its entirety this time. I've just inserted it in black font and my own smarmy comments in purple.
Enjoy,
--winlar
An Obituary for Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
-Hospital record keeping, to be fair, has been responsible for tracking diseases and evaluating care methods to improve them. It’s also very important in our system in making sure that Doctors and Nurses get paid. But it is red tape and confuses some of us, so Common Sense dictates that we dispense with it.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
-Ben Franklin didn’t know when to come in out of the rain and today we have electricity. Worms can be attained any time, day or night (It's called a bait shop), and life is fair in that the same laws of physics apply to everyone and death awaits us all. Writing this was someone’s fault, and that clearly remains so to this day but seeing that this email was unsigned, that lesson was not learned by the author.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).
-Every home owner, except those few who pay cash, has spent more than they earn. It’s called banking and it’s fundamental to our society. Was Common Sense against home ownership?
Children are not allowed to vote, thus are not in charge. Perhaps we’ll give them the right to vote once they learn to beat themselves, bomb other countries and give upper class tax cuts.
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
-His? Common Sense is male? Oh, of course. Men are responsible for all that is good and right! Women are incapable of logic and reason…
Darn those regulations! If only we were more like China! Common Sense was always a fan of putting lead paint and date rape drugs in kid’s toys!
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition
-He was also disparaged by apocryphal stories. People who found 3 instances occurring in a country of 300 million people and determined them to be the norm rather than the exception.
I heard a story of a guy who strapped rockets to his car and crashed into a cliff. Why do all people do that? It doesn’t matter that the story isn’t true either. It might have happened once, so clearly it happens all the time. If only Common Sense were still around everyone would know this.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
-Yes! I so wish that teachers were allowed to beat the crap out of other people’s children. I love it when people who are relative strangers beat up and abuse other people’s children. Good thing it’s NEVER EVER my own children who are “unruly,” because if anyone ever harmed them, I would unleash an unholy vengeance upon the teacher who laid a finger on them. Of course, this makes me a terrible parent.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
-Yes! Since something as harmless as a PEANUT can kill a child, Common Sense always dictated that a school nurse should be allowed to pump whatever medications she wants into a kid without really knowing any kind of medical history.
And of course Common Sense dictated that a teenaged girl needs parental guidance to opt for an abortion, but not to raise a child by herself. (By the way, I know of no law keeping a teacher from telling parents any information about their student. They often don’t since this is a major betrayal of trust and really isn’t part of a teacher’s business or job, but freedom of speech lets you do what you want.)
Oh, and sticky plaster? What is this 1912?
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
-Yes. Common Sense required that we must put 3000 year old superstitious dictates (the definitive word on “Neighbor’s ass coveting”) on classroom walls, so that we can stop adhering to Jefferson’s Separation of Church and State and start being more like the Taliban, Northern Ireland and Iran.
churches became businesses;
-OK, I’m going to agree there. If Jesus came back today and saw these mega-churches, he wouldn’t just overturn the money-lender’s tables, he’d have to tear down the whole church, starting with the gift shop. Hey, I bet they could sell you a really nice poster of the Ten Commandments to put up in your school...
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
-Really? Really? OK, sure victims always get it bad, they are victims after all, but the alternative is to treat innocent people worse than victims along with the criminals. Is that really what common sense dictated? Our legal system is surely flawed, but show me a better on.
By the way, Common Sense really DICTATED a lot. Perhaps people would have been nicer to him if he asked please once in a while. Given the tone and general hatred for our elected government in this obituary, Common Sense was no fan of democracy.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.
-Um, you can still defend your home. Here’s something Common Sense knew about: Math. If a burglar sues one time out of 1000, one time out of 10,000 or whatever it works out to, it is still a virtual statistical impossibility that you’ll get sued for protecting your house. Common Sense says don’t get hysterical when improbable things happen. (And yes, such suits exist, but almost invariably either get thrown out or lose, so shut the fuck up.)
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
-McDonalds was selling coffee at a temperature of 190 degrees, a temperature which can give third degree burns if in contact with human skin for less than three seconds! (Your home coffee machine is probably set around 135 degrees.) McDonalds had been warned 700 times about it and had already paid half a million dollars in settlements from previous incidents. They were fined punitively a mere two day’s coffee sales, which was immediately reduced 4/5ths by the court. And the lack of common sense is on the part of the legal system?
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers;
-Common Sense had stepbrothers? This implies that Truth or Trust either had children out of wedlock or remarried. Which one? I’m betting it was Trust. Whore.
I Know my Rights,
-Yes. Don’t know your rights. Common Sense dictated ignorance.
Someone Else is to Blame,
-Um, so you’re blaming yourself for Common Sense’s demise? I didn’t get that from your tone. But I guess you’re a murderer.
and I'm a Victim.
-Um, I thought victims had it worse than criminals, so why would anyone want to be one?
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
-Funny how Common Sense made it through witch burnings, the Spanish Inquisition, and several World Wars, only to be killed off by a couple of random hiccups by American institutions. If only more people circulated trite emails, then he just may have been able to hold on for one more millennium.
Author unknown
-but a blameless victim who knows his/her rights just the same…
Common Sense would have wanted you to send this to at least 11 people! If you do, good luck and prosperity will come your way!
--Winlar
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
High Fructose Corn Syrup
If you made it through my mammoth Double Debate Running Diary, then here's your reward. A nice sweet little tune. And if you didn't read my Debate Diary, well, just read it now, and the video will be waiting.
Oh, and there's a Fox News debate this Thursday. If you think I'm blogging that, you're crazy.
--Winlar
Oh, and there's a Fox News debate this Thursday. If you think I'm blogging that, you're crazy.
--Winlar
Monday, January 07, 2008
Double Debate Running Diary!
All right! This is going to be a long one. Two debates! One night! Back to back rhetorical action. Time for a long running diary.
(In case you’re wondering, it’s an idea I’m stealing from Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy. He does it usually for sports events and NBA drafts etc, but I've chosen to do one to political debates, watching the debate and noting my feelings and observations as I go.)
Tonight! ABC news presents two presidential debates back to back! (Broadcast Saturday evening January 5th.) Three plus hours of political fun! So let's get to it shall we?
Here we go!
6:34:34 PM
Waiting for this thing to begin. The Stupid Comcast DVR said it would be on at 6pm PST, but of course it lied. News first that I’m not really watching. Well, at least this debate won’t be tape delayed on C-SPAN 2. It’s on an actual network. Let’s just hope ABC doesn’t kick it to the Disney Channel. (Man I hate media consolidation. Prediction, no one will be asked about media consolidation tonight.)
While I’m waiting here’s a better idea than this double header format, which is on opposite playoff football, and the Huskies-Cougars Basketball game to ensure top viewership. Why not just put all the candidates up there at once? Get everyone up there. No holds barred. No stinking moderator for cripes sake. Just toss a coin or something to determine who gets to throw out the first asinine comment, and go from there. Wouldn’t that be way cooler? Then perhaps when Fred Thompson says something like “40% of Americans pay no income tax” somebody from the other side of the aisle would punch him, or at least correct him. But maybe they’d punch him. That’d be great.
6:44:08 PM
I’m taking this unexpected delay to figure out how to use the date and time function in Microsoft word. Is there a way to do that without using the pull-down menu? Somebody help me out here. I also have a really bad feeling that when I cut and paste this into my blog none of them will show up. I used to be so computer literate. What happened?
6:47:19 PM
So just a heads up: Since the Washington-Washington State game is on at the same time, I’ll be watching both events simultaneously. Yes, I have two TV’s sitting next to each other and I’m watching both at once. People make fun of me for this, but totally out of jealousy.
Anyway, if I type something like “Hillary Clinton drains a three pointer,” I hope you understand. Go Huskies!
7:00:20 PM
OK! Here we go! Charlie Gibson in the house! Big montage at the open which tries to make politics look exciting, and... we’re LIVE, er, no… recorded earlier. Oh well. Such is life on the West Coast of Western Civilization.
7:01:54 PM
Repubs win the coin toss and go first.
7:02:48 PM
Facebook is a sponsor this time. Must every debate be sponsored by an annoying web site?
7:03:52 PM
Diane Sawyer and George Steffi-Grafalis are trying to hype this like a sports event. Dudes, that’s my job.
7:04:45 PM
What? Wyoming had a caucus today? Really? Damn! I follow politics closely, yet nobody mentioned this. Man, you gotta feel like chopped liver if you’re a Wyomian right now. Iowa gets all day all night coverage and Wyoming gets an “oh by the way.” (Mitt Romney won, so perhaps they are chopped liver…)
7:06:48 PM
OK, off to a prerecorded montage of a bunch of white people and what they want discussed. We only have 90 minutes to get to know 6 candidates, why are we killing time with this?
7:08:16 PM
Uh Oh. My wife just opened a bottle of wine. This could get ugly. Let me know if I’m slurring. (New Year’s resolution to not drink lasts… 5 days.)
7:09:32 PM
Hey they let the candidates sit! I thought to be a good president you have to stand. Sorry FDR!
7:10:29 PM
Uh oh. First question mentions W Bush. Didn’t ABC get the RNC memo? Ixnay on the Esidentpray!
7:11:19 PM
Huckabee says “When I said bad things about foreign policy, that’s when I was just some crackpot from Arkansas. Now that I’m a frontrunner, I’ll tow the party line.” He then piles on to Rumsfeld. Late hit penalty!
Fred Thompson actually pauses between September and 11 “September… uh eleven…”You will not catch Giuliani making that mistake.
And as if on cue, Rudy chimes in and says, “Hey, I was mayor on 9-11!”
I have to say that a part of me roots for Rudy because he lisps. If I didn’t have so much hair I could almost work up an impersonation of him.
7:16:27 PM
The new question is “Can we invade any country preemptively whenever we feel like?"
McCain gives props to Bush and piles onto Rumsfeld for another 15-yard penalty. What’s with the sucking up to W? Trying to get those 3 voters who still like him?
Ron Paul chimes in on preemptive war. When Libertarians are your voice of reason, your party is in big trouble. Tonight I think Ron Paul will be the only person taking a contrary position on any issue. It’s sort of like 5 on one.
Mitt (Wyoming’s big winner) wins the suck up to Bush voters contest. He got a haircut since Iowa. I notice these things. He “casually” mentions the Prime Minister of Spain. Namedropper!
Thompson jumps on the preemption bandwagon. Is there any country these guys wouldn’t invade?
Rudy helps drum up the fear. What’s the over-under on the number of times he says Islamic Terrorism?” He’s already at 3.
Mitt interrupts Ron Paul and a bit of a catfight begins. Mitt name-drops a terrorist’s name. Clearly his strategy is to sound smart by pronouncing names correctly.
Huckabee is finally forced to speak by the moderator. He’s savvy. He knows that in the land of crazy talk, he who talks least looks the sanest.
Great catfight going on now about whether or not Mitt can read.
Oh man! It’s getting good now! Huck and Mitt are going toe to toe! There’s real bitterness there.
Rudy chimes in with two more “Islamic Terrorist” mentions. Ron Paul is getting gang-banged just for suggesting that our foreign policy isn’t on the up and up.
7:31:14 PM
Charlie Gibson admits that he made promises to not do certain things to the RNC. But he dares to defy them by… showing a video clip? Nice backbone Chuck.
He asks, or rather has President Bush sort of ask via some old press conference, if candidates should care about opinion polls.
Here’s a fun debate drinking game that McCain reminded me of. Drink whenever you hear a candidate say “The Greatest country on the face of the earth.” As the voice of the American People, let me say sir that I know you’re blowing smoke up my ass, but it is nice and warm, so please continue….
Anyway, he was asked about opinion polls, and I have no idea what question he answered.
Mitt also decides to give his stump speech when asked about opinion polls.
Mitt hits a three! No wait, that was the Huskies. 15-10 dogs!
Rudy mentions his book, and Ronald Reagan in the same sentence. “I’m smart and a pseudo-cowboy!” Um, what about opinion polls? Opinion polls? Flip flopping anyone? YOU WERE ASKED A DAMNED QUESTION!
7:39:32 PM
Charlie points out that no one answered the question then puts together an impromptu attack ad on each candidate and does remarkably well.
Two more Reagan mentions for Giuliani.
Huck is going for and will get the Bush voter. Here’s what he just did. He quoted the constitution and gave a little (skewed) history lesson, AS IF EVERYONE SHOULDN”T ALREADY KNOW ALL THAT CRAP. This is how Bush does it. He explains every little thing as if nobody ever took a civics or American history class. “It’s my job as president, to approve or…'veto' bills after congress passes them…heh heh." This guarantees the votes of those 25 percent of Americans who have never taken high school prerequisites, and it’s a sure way to win the Republican nomination.
“Gee, thanks for reading the Constitution for me Huck! I’d read it myself, but it’s like sooooooo long!” We’re doomed.
Second wife shot of the night. Huck’s wife looks fittingly like Aunt Bee. Terrible outfit there. Do we really want Minnie Pearl to be first lady?
Ron Paul is looking bad here. This isn’t his format. He’s saying stuff to try to get applause and it ain’t coming. He looks frazzled.
7:49:38 PM
And we’re on to health care. An ABC news taped report asks the question because, um, I guess Charlie Gibson needed a break half an hour in?
Huskies up three at the half.
Rudy says we have the best health care system in the world, meaning of course that HE has the best health care system in the world.
Uh oh. Charlie Gibson is doing MATH! Not fair. He ripped apart tax cuts for health care suggested by the candidates. Is it just me, or is Charlie Gibson totally winning this debate?
McCain just took a cheap shot at Canada. Honestly, Canada? Gonna go after widows and orphans next?
Mitt takes the first cheap shot at Hillary. That Bitch! She wants us to be insured!
Ron Paul suggests that we outsource the health care crisis to India. Or something like that. OK, idealistic college kids. He wants to end the war and that’s great, but let’s not forget that he’s crazy OK?
Fred says if we insure everyone, we’ll also sacrifice care. OK, if you’re getting NO care, how can that be sacrificed again? Fred’s a freakin’ ass.
Mitt is the whipping boy for everyone’s jokes tonight. “Listen to the crazy man talk about the cost of health care.”
Mitt just put the smack down on Fred for pretending to know more about Massachusetts Health care than he does. Most presidential he’s looked.
Um, gentlemen, the word you’re avoiding is POOR! Some people are too POOR to get health care insurance. Next time you want to say Ronald Reagan, try saying “poor.” Expand your vocabulary a little.
Huck’s health care plan, “Don’t get sick.” As president, he will keep everyone from getting sick.
8:03:21 PM
Thought we were moving on, but Charlie Gibson decided to score more points on his opponents on health care. He’s getting my vote. He clearly knows more about this issue than any of the candidates and he can do the math. I see a groundswell of support for him. He just might win this thing.
McCain finally gets onto solid footing here talking about the pharmaceutical companies and reform. He needs to learn to always make his answers about reform and he’d get somewhere.
Never afraid to stand up for the big guy, Mitt comes to the defense of the pharmaceutical companies.
8:06:58 PM
First commercial break. Why would you advertise during this? Who the heck do you think is watching? There are sports on for cripes sake. You’d be better off sponsoring this blog. (And that could be made to happen easily… Let’s talk…)
8:08:37 PM
And we’re back.
McCain’s asked about immigration. Ah, Republicans on immigration! Let the hate fest begin. McCain actually refers to undocumented aliens as “God’s Children.” That’s as close as a Republican will ever get to calling someone a “Human Being.”
Mitt piles on the hate fest. “You gave up your humanity by not waiting in line for entry to this country!”
Rudy tries to do his best Duncan Hunter impersonation. Or was that Tancredo? I’m still confused.
You know, a lot of effort has been put forth here talking about how these candidates change their positions on the issues and nobody points out that the real problem is that they almost invariably change their positions to WORSE positions.
Here’s something I love about debates. Mitt just used the word “Senator” with that tone that makes it an insult. “You know that, Senator!” That’s one good thing about being a comedian. How stupid would someone sound saying “And you should know that, Comedian!”
Catfight on immigration! “You actually LIKE these people!” “No I don’t!” “Why don’t you kiss illegal aliens if you love them so much…” My god, Huck is so smart to just let these guys rip each other wide open on this issue of paramount importance to New Hampshire…
Rudy chimes in with two more Ronald Reagans. Is Rudy running, or just campaigning for Ron? Oh, and two more Double R’s for RG. He is totally winning the RR mention-off.
OK, bad drinking game. When Fred says um, uh, or uuuuuuuhm, take a drink. You’d pass out in two minutes and miss the rest of this debate. Oh wait, that makes it a GOOD drinking game…
8:22:13 PM
The immigration catfight continues. Each person trying to show that their policy wasn’t as reasonable or workable as others might make it out to be.
Charlie Gibson is SMART! He picked up on Huck’s silence and forced him into the fray.
Huck almost steals the issue with a brief, coherent answer, but…. nope. He killed it.
Ron Paul reminds us that in our rush to be paranoid about illegal immigration, we’re forgetting to be paranoid about national ID cards. Thanks Ron. You’re no Alan Keyes, but you’re keeping me awake.
8:27:33 PM
New question: Hey, you guys hate Hillary, but you might have to hate Barak Obama! Do you have any hatred left over?
Mitt: Sure do! And I want to debate him on change! Oh, good strategy for the ruling party…
Fred: I don’t know what Obama’s positions are, but I’m sure they’re very liberal…. uh…um…uh… But what the country really needs uh, um is my stump speech…um… uh.
McCain rips on Mitt the way I just did.
Damn. There have been like 6 straight three pointers in the UW/WSU game. All knotted up. Oh, yeah, I’m supposed to listen to John McCain rip on Barak Obama...
See, why is Rudy Giuliani allowed to rip on someone who isn’t there to defend himself? My idea at the outset of having them all grouped together is way better than this format. Of course, Charlie Gibson would win….
8:36:24 PM
OK. Here we go. New Topic: Gas prices. Please tell us in less than two minutes how the free market is not responsible for high gas prices, and how the free market will somehow bring them down again.
Ron Paul makes a great point of how the Iraq war has quadrupled the price of oil. The problem with being a conspiracy theorist is that when you do talk sense, nobody listens.
McCain didn’t really answer the question but sounded sane, so points there.
Fred is a prick. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about and covers that up by being mean. Uh… ramble ramble. Dick. Remember when it was a mystery that this guy didn’t lead all the polls as soon as he declared? Mystery solved.
Rudy sounded sane on alternative fuels. Actually, these guys all are talking about oil independence. The industry that bankrolls them has coached them well. (Wow, that was a cheap shot worthy of Fred Thompson!)
And we’re done! Now Charlie Gibson, in the most presidential act of the night, asks all the candidates, Republican and Democrat to join on the stage and play nice. Sort of like my idea, only silent. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the winner of tonight’s debate and next president of the United States of America, Charles Gibson!
Time for a break as we wait for the audience to be reshuffled. God forbid Republicans hear Democrat’s ideas, or vice-versa. But they all shook hands! God bless America. We’re screwed.
All right. Had to take a break and pause the action, so the times won’t really match up anymore, but now my daughter’s in bed, my wife’s in the tub, my son is… well I’m sure he’s fending for himself somewhere, and the Huskies game is sadly over. A heck of a game but a Husky loss. It hurts, but I’ll go on. Let’s get back to the carnage.
9:21:57 PM
Great. We get coverage of the Spin Room. What possible good is served by this? Everyone agrees that no good ever comes out of these paid consultants telling journalists who won a debate that we just saw, so why this lameness? I’m going to skip it out of principal.
I mean, do the locker room interviews after football games change the outcome? Shame on you ABC news and all the other media outlets for forcing this crap down our throats.
My DVR says this will go until 10pm. It’s already 9pm and we don’t have the Dems started.
9:27:32 PM
George and Diane have to make sure to give us the poll numbers going in. Thanks guys. Don’t be afraid to take time away from listening to the candidates to tell us who is going to win.
Good gossip though about Hill being mad at Richardson for throwing support to Obama to stay in the race. Why don’t they give us more nuggets like that, and not the silly numbers?
9:30:01 PM
We’re off.
Charlie talks about how he’s going to stay out of the way of the candidates. No! You already won one debate tonight Charlie! Go for two!
9:31:13 PM
We start the Dems with NUCLEAR Terrorism. The implication here is that Dems are soft on nuclear terrorism. Who isn’t?
Obama gets asked, “Will you invade Pakistan?” Who dreams up these questions? No wonder we’re in two wars at once. The media is obsessed!
Obama replies, "sure, why not?"
Man, he has NO voice left. Maybe he was at today’s Seahawk game.
To his credit, he’s not talking about invading Pakistan, just going in and getting Bin Laden.
Now Edwards says he’d find Bin Laden and get him. What, do these guys think that will play favorably with Democrats? Don’t democrats LOVE bin Laden? Bad political strategy IMO.
(Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, I was being SARCASTIC!)
Richardson goes before Hillary? Man, how the mighty have fallen…
Bill (I’m gonna start using first names now. It’s easier to type) looks like he’s lost a little weight and either got some tanning done in Iowa or New Hampshire, or has some pancake makeup on. Judging that his face doesn’t move when he does, I’m thinkin’ make up.
Is it me, or were Republicans asked about real things and Dems are being asked hypotheticals? I guess I shouldn’t judge one question in. Hey folks, I’m trying to be unbiased, but it’s hard…
Hillary does better sitting down. It’s like she’s on a talk show, which she’s done a billion times. I think this format may help her a lot.
Hill scores some points by mentioning the fragility of the India situation vis a vis Pakistan. Sounding wonkish is good strategy with Dems.
Richardson’s making some great points now, but since he has no chance to win, I’m wondering what to put on my second TV. This is a problem after 9pm or so when all the sports events are over. I need something that I can mute so as not to distract, but will still give me eye candy when bored. Usually go with SportsCenter here.
9:45:11 PM
OK. I get to be the paranoid guy now.
The question is “After a nuclear bomb goes off in America, what will you wish you had done, and what will you do?” Thanks liberal media! The implication here being that, if there’s a democrat in office, of course we’ll have to deal with this kind of thing. If a Democrat’s in office, everybody will be nuking us! Second hypothetical question of the debate. Are we ever gonna talk about REAL things, and stop debating episodes of “24?”
The answers here go something to the effect of “If we were hit we will have wished we would have had would have done something we then would not have had done and had we done what I wished we had done, then we will have would have done something I would have and will have done.” Can we have a whole debate on a subjective level? This is like a Marvel “What if” comic.
Next question: “What if Superman and Spiderman had a fight? Who would win?” (Sad personal note here. I totally had that comic book as a kid, and it would be worth the GDP of a small country today, but it got ripped and my Mom threw it away. Bummer.)
Oh, oops, there’s a debate on!
9:52:43 PM
Wait wait wait. I gotta pause the DVR Here. ABC goes to all this effort to show a tape of a story and question about Social Security and Medicare and America’s aging, then Charlie just says, “Good stuff and I hope we get to it, but I want to ask Hillary what dirt she thinks might get dug up about Obama.” What the hell? Are you just trying to start a catfight Charlie? Not very presidential of you….
So now Hillary winds into an attack on Obama for flip flopping on single-payer health care. Who gives a hairy rat about flip-flopping? Honestly? Do we, the American people ever get mad at a candidate for listening to us? God, it’s a democracy! Shouldn’t leaders listen to the American people once in a while? Doesn’t democracy give the masses some credit for having half a brain? Man, I’m tired of this.
10:05:20 PM
We’re still talking about who did and didn’t flip-flop and Edwards hasn’t spoken yet. Ug.
Edwards is taking notes from Huckabee and staying out, then coming in as the nice guy. God, if he and Huck both win, it will be such a warm fuzzy general campaign perhaps we’ll all start coughing up fur balls.
OK, this may sound risqué, but it’s shaping up to be 2 on 1 and Hillary is... OK, that’s too risqué. But Edwards did a nice job of smiling while digging Hillary to make the B-word side really come out of her. These candidates are tired, and there might be some actual emotions coming through in this thing.
Bill makes a joke about hostage negotiations being more civil than this debate. Good laugh and a nice icebreaker, but things really weren’t that bad. Leave the comedy to the viable candidates Bill.
Yeah, It’s Edwards and Obama against Hillary. Smart triangulation. This is what makes the primaries fascinating. The scheming and alliances.
10:14:00 PM
And now on to Iraq. Finally something real to talk about. Oh wait. They said that the surge is working and everything is hunky dory now. We’re still in fantasyland.
Bill’s talking, so I’ll give my own personal solution to Iraq. Easy. Let the Iraqi people vote on whether US forces stay or leave! Whatever they say, we do! Why can’t it just be that simple? I mean, do we believe in democracy or don’t we? What, they might not vote the way we want them to? I know I’m an idealist, but won’t we gain some respect worldwide for actually believing in something if we do that? Oh well. Let’s hear the “real” solutions…
Bill scores some points by saying he’d pull the troops out fastest. But does he really think that he’s going to get all that anti-war under-25 first-time voter vote? I love this about American politics. The guys who are getting out-polled by margin of error and still think they have a chance.
10:25:33 PM
We’re back from commercial and into the “last half” of the 4 debate halves.
And now some questions from the guy who asked questions earlier, and nobody still knows who he is. He’s bald.
He asks the inside-baseball question to Hillary about why people don’t like her. Good god.
She comes back nicely with a joke. Well played. Then she very subtly reminds us that we liked Bush too. Nice crafty politics.
Then she gets silly saying “Just being a woman means I’m all about change.” She gets applause for that. Come on people. Obama’s not saying to vote for him because he’s black. Someone should call her on that.
Obama makes a great joke about “Flipping back and forth between the Republican debate and football.” This guy’s a natural. Makes a joke, gets out the male vote, and rips the Reps.
Bill is asked about “Executive experience” and goes on his tiresome diatribe about “Standing down the North Koreans” and blah blah blah. You’re governor of Freakin’ New Mexico for Chrissakes! Get over yourself! What, did Communists try to take over the Taos music festival? Put a sock in it Bill. If you are doing "hostage negotiations" as Governor of New Mexico, well... You should not be doing hostage negotiations as Governor of New Mexico...
Edwards gets to talk and gives his lobbyist/my Dad worked in the mill speech. I like this guy a lot, but I’m getting tired of hearing about his Dad’s miserable job.
Quick cutaway to the audience of Edwards (John’s) wife. Hey, where’s Papa Clinton btw? Not in the house tonight?
All right. It’s time to pick a candidate already. Charlie just pointed out a loophole in the last lobby reform bill that allows a congressman to be bought a dinner if he stands up to eat it. Really? Is that true? And how did Charlie Gibson find that out? Policy wog and a half our Charlie Gibson! Anyway, we've truly devolved into the minutia if that's really what we're going to spend the next 5 minutes on.
Hillary just asked for a “Reality check.” About an hour late Hill. Then she called Obama a lobbyist.
10:49:22 PM
Man, I really don’t like Charlie Gibson’s vice presidential candidate the bald guy. He’s just kind of a jerk. He works in radio. Go figure.
Charlie’s tired. He just made cynical comments about how “Washington is set up to resist change.” Yeah sure Charlie. It’s exactly the same as it was 200 years ago. You still have my vote Chuck, but let’s keep it upbeat.
Oh, don’t bring cynicism into Obama’s strike zone… Man, he just turned that right around, knocked it out of the park and made us all sing along. He even used the term “cynical” in his response. He’s saying what I’m thinking. That’ll probably hurt him.
Bill’s up. Why is the fat man still talking?
Man, if it winds up McCain vs. Edwards, who will the lobbyists back? That would be a win-win for America. It will of course never be allowed to happen.
10:58:58 PM
I’m flagging now. I’ll confess I was just zoning out and watching SportsCenter. Looks like that Jags game was pretty awesome, too bad I missed it to watch and blog this. How does that apply to the carbon tax, (which is the thing that’s never going to happen that the candidates are talking about now)? Well, it’s all about sacrifice. I sacrificed a Saturday night and half of an NFL playoff game to blog this debate, and I think that entitles me to drive an SUV. Anyway, let’s get back to this.
11:02:01 PM
What the heck is the next question? Housing crisis, Energy and jobs? Actually I don’t think there is a question. Man, the topics chosen for these debates don’t make sense to me when I’m awake and alert. How am I supposed to decipher this after watching a mind-numbing 2 and a half hours?
Anyway, Charlie Gibson loses the college professor vote at this college by wildly exaggerating their salaries, proving that perhaps he’s not quite so in touch with the American people as we might think. Big boos, then laughs.
11:03:29PM
Finally a real issue with real math is asked that real candidates can talk about. They now get two minutes to explain and fix income disparity in America.
Edwards mentions college kids, and they cut away to the most bored looking sophomores I’ve ever seen. Wake up people! You owe 9 trillion freakin’ dollars, not to mention your student loans. Did I mention that we’re doomed?
SportsCenter is talking about College football now, so let me just take this chance to say that the BCS is a joke and I won’t be watching the national championship game.
Oh yeah, debate.
11:11:06 PM
The bald VP candidate guy is going to spread more of his dirt, this time on Richardson. More hypotheticals about IF small business owners HAPPEN to fit the upper bracket AND they lay people off… If if if. It’s a stupid question, and Bill doesn’t answer it.
11:13:28 PM
Last question: Is there anything you’ve said in one of the 642 debates that you wish you hadn’t said? (Anyone who says yes will quickly be labeled a flip-flopper)
Another audience cutaway. Hey! Chelsea in the house! (In other words, Bill C.’s not there.)
Bill R can actually think of something. Apparently he said he admired a judge who was against Roe v. Wade. And you’re polling at 2 percent why Bill?
John apologizes for insulting Hillary’s jacket in a previous debate. Finally a weary nation can move on!
Barak gets the last line of the debate and just tries to remind America in his subtle way that all the Republican candidates are total dipwads.
And we’re out! I made it! Now they’re rehashing everything and I’m sure we’re going to take a stroll through the spin room. If you think I’m sticking around and blogging that, you’re crazy.
Wow. 12 pages. If you stayed through and read this whole thing, you have even more stamina than me.
Go America!
(PS: We’re doomed.)
Next week, I'll upload a nice non-political song. Promise.
--winlar
(In case you’re wondering, it’s an idea I’m stealing from Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy. He does it usually for sports events and NBA drafts etc, but I've chosen to do one to political debates, watching the debate and noting my feelings and observations as I go.)
Tonight! ABC news presents two presidential debates back to back! (Broadcast Saturday evening January 5th.) Three plus hours of political fun! So let's get to it shall we?
Here we go!
6:34:34 PM
Waiting for this thing to begin. The Stupid Comcast DVR said it would be on at 6pm PST, but of course it lied. News first that I’m not really watching. Well, at least this debate won’t be tape delayed on C-SPAN 2. It’s on an actual network. Let’s just hope ABC doesn’t kick it to the Disney Channel. (Man I hate media consolidation. Prediction, no one will be asked about media consolidation tonight.)
While I’m waiting here’s a better idea than this double header format, which is on opposite playoff football, and the Huskies-Cougars Basketball game to ensure top viewership. Why not just put all the candidates up there at once? Get everyone up there. No holds barred. No stinking moderator for cripes sake. Just toss a coin or something to determine who gets to throw out the first asinine comment, and go from there. Wouldn’t that be way cooler? Then perhaps when Fred Thompson says something like “40% of Americans pay no income tax” somebody from the other side of the aisle would punch him, or at least correct him. But maybe they’d punch him. That’d be great.
6:44:08 PM
I’m taking this unexpected delay to figure out how to use the date and time function in Microsoft word. Is there a way to do that without using the pull-down menu? Somebody help me out here. I also have a really bad feeling that when I cut and paste this into my blog none of them will show up. I used to be so computer literate. What happened?
6:47:19 PM
So just a heads up: Since the Washington-Washington State game is on at the same time, I’ll be watching both events simultaneously. Yes, I have two TV’s sitting next to each other and I’m watching both at once. People make fun of me for this, but totally out of jealousy.
Anyway, if I type something like “Hillary Clinton drains a three pointer,” I hope you understand. Go Huskies!
7:00:20 PM
OK! Here we go! Charlie Gibson in the house! Big montage at the open which tries to make politics look exciting, and... we’re LIVE, er, no… recorded earlier. Oh well. Such is life on the West Coast of Western Civilization.
7:01:54 PM
Repubs win the coin toss and go first.
7:02:48 PM
Facebook is a sponsor this time. Must every debate be sponsored by an annoying web site?
7:03:52 PM
Diane Sawyer and George Steffi-Grafalis are trying to hype this like a sports event. Dudes, that’s my job.
7:04:45 PM
What? Wyoming had a caucus today? Really? Damn! I follow politics closely, yet nobody mentioned this. Man, you gotta feel like chopped liver if you’re a Wyomian right now. Iowa gets all day all night coverage and Wyoming gets an “oh by the way.” (Mitt Romney won, so perhaps they are chopped liver…)
7:06:48 PM
OK, off to a prerecorded montage of a bunch of white people and what they want discussed. We only have 90 minutes to get to know 6 candidates, why are we killing time with this?
7:08:16 PM
Uh Oh. My wife just opened a bottle of wine. This could get ugly. Let me know if I’m slurring. (New Year’s resolution to not drink lasts… 5 days.)
7:09:32 PM
Hey they let the candidates sit! I thought to be a good president you have to stand. Sorry FDR!
7:10:29 PM
Uh oh. First question mentions W Bush. Didn’t ABC get the RNC memo? Ixnay on the Esidentpray!
7:11:19 PM
Huckabee says “When I said bad things about foreign policy, that’s when I was just some crackpot from Arkansas. Now that I’m a frontrunner, I’ll tow the party line.” He then piles on to Rumsfeld. Late hit penalty!
Fred Thompson actually pauses between September and 11 “September… uh eleven…”You will not catch Giuliani making that mistake.
And as if on cue, Rudy chimes in and says, “Hey, I was mayor on 9-11!”
I have to say that a part of me roots for Rudy because he lisps. If I didn’t have so much hair I could almost work up an impersonation of him.
7:16:27 PM
The new question is “Can we invade any country preemptively whenever we feel like?"
McCain gives props to Bush and piles onto Rumsfeld for another 15-yard penalty. What’s with the sucking up to W? Trying to get those 3 voters who still like him?
Ron Paul chimes in on preemptive war. When Libertarians are your voice of reason, your party is in big trouble. Tonight I think Ron Paul will be the only person taking a contrary position on any issue. It’s sort of like 5 on one.
Mitt (Wyoming’s big winner) wins the suck up to Bush voters contest. He got a haircut since Iowa. I notice these things. He “casually” mentions the Prime Minister of Spain. Namedropper!
Thompson jumps on the preemption bandwagon. Is there any country these guys wouldn’t invade?
Rudy helps drum up the fear. What’s the over-under on the number of times he says Islamic Terrorism?” He’s already at 3.
Mitt interrupts Ron Paul and a bit of a catfight begins. Mitt name-drops a terrorist’s name. Clearly his strategy is to sound smart by pronouncing names correctly.
Huckabee is finally forced to speak by the moderator. He’s savvy. He knows that in the land of crazy talk, he who talks least looks the sanest.
Great catfight going on now about whether or not Mitt can read.
Oh man! It’s getting good now! Huck and Mitt are going toe to toe! There’s real bitterness there.
Rudy chimes in with two more “Islamic Terrorist” mentions. Ron Paul is getting gang-banged just for suggesting that our foreign policy isn’t on the up and up.
7:31:14 PM
Charlie Gibson admits that he made promises to not do certain things to the RNC. But he dares to defy them by… showing a video clip? Nice backbone Chuck.
He asks, or rather has President Bush sort of ask via some old press conference, if candidates should care about opinion polls.
Here’s a fun debate drinking game that McCain reminded me of. Drink whenever you hear a candidate say “The Greatest country on the face of the earth.” As the voice of the American People, let me say sir that I know you’re blowing smoke up my ass, but it is nice and warm, so please continue….
Anyway, he was asked about opinion polls, and I have no idea what question he answered.
Mitt also decides to give his stump speech when asked about opinion polls.
Mitt hits a three! No wait, that was the Huskies. 15-10 dogs!
Rudy mentions his book, and Ronald Reagan in the same sentence. “I’m smart and a pseudo-cowboy!” Um, what about opinion polls? Opinion polls? Flip flopping anyone? YOU WERE ASKED A DAMNED QUESTION!
7:39:32 PM
Charlie points out that no one answered the question then puts together an impromptu attack ad on each candidate and does remarkably well.
Two more Reagan mentions for Giuliani.
Huck is going for and will get the Bush voter. Here’s what he just did. He quoted the constitution and gave a little (skewed) history lesson, AS IF EVERYONE SHOULDN”T ALREADY KNOW ALL THAT CRAP. This is how Bush does it. He explains every little thing as if nobody ever took a civics or American history class. “It’s my job as president, to approve or…'veto' bills after congress passes them…heh heh." This guarantees the votes of those 25 percent of Americans who have never taken high school prerequisites, and it’s a sure way to win the Republican nomination.
“Gee, thanks for reading the Constitution for me Huck! I’d read it myself, but it’s like sooooooo long!” We’re doomed.
Second wife shot of the night. Huck’s wife looks fittingly like Aunt Bee. Terrible outfit there. Do we really want Minnie Pearl to be first lady?
Ron Paul is looking bad here. This isn’t his format. He’s saying stuff to try to get applause and it ain’t coming. He looks frazzled.
7:49:38 PM
And we’re on to health care. An ABC news taped report asks the question because, um, I guess Charlie Gibson needed a break half an hour in?
Huskies up three at the half.
Rudy says we have the best health care system in the world, meaning of course that HE has the best health care system in the world.
Uh oh. Charlie Gibson is doing MATH! Not fair. He ripped apart tax cuts for health care suggested by the candidates. Is it just me, or is Charlie Gibson totally winning this debate?
McCain just took a cheap shot at Canada. Honestly, Canada? Gonna go after widows and orphans next?
Mitt takes the first cheap shot at Hillary. That Bitch! She wants us to be insured!
Ron Paul suggests that we outsource the health care crisis to India. Or something like that. OK, idealistic college kids. He wants to end the war and that’s great, but let’s not forget that he’s crazy OK?
Fred says if we insure everyone, we’ll also sacrifice care. OK, if you’re getting NO care, how can that be sacrificed again? Fred’s a freakin’ ass.
Mitt is the whipping boy for everyone’s jokes tonight. “Listen to the crazy man talk about the cost of health care.”
Mitt just put the smack down on Fred for pretending to know more about Massachusetts Health care than he does. Most presidential he’s looked.
Um, gentlemen, the word you’re avoiding is POOR! Some people are too POOR to get health care insurance. Next time you want to say Ronald Reagan, try saying “poor.” Expand your vocabulary a little.
Huck’s health care plan, “Don’t get sick.” As president, he will keep everyone from getting sick.
8:03:21 PM
Thought we were moving on, but Charlie Gibson decided to score more points on his opponents on health care. He’s getting my vote. He clearly knows more about this issue than any of the candidates and he can do the math. I see a groundswell of support for him. He just might win this thing.
McCain finally gets onto solid footing here talking about the pharmaceutical companies and reform. He needs to learn to always make his answers about reform and he’d get somewhere.
Never afraid to stand up for the big guy, Mitt comes to the defense of the pharmaceutical companies.
8:06:58 PM
First commercial break. Why would you advertise during this? Who the heck do you think is watching? There are sports on for cripes sake. You’d be better off sponsoring this blog. (And that could be made to happen easily… Let’s talk…)
8:08:37 PM
And we’re back.
McCain’s asked about immigration. Ah, Republicans on immigration! Let the hate fest begin. McCain actually refers to undocumented aliens as “God’s Children.” That’s as close as a Republican will ever get to calling someone a “Human Being.”
Mitt piles on the hate fest. “You gave up your humanity by not waiting in line for entry to this country!”
Rudy tries to do his best Duncan Hunter impersonation. Or was that Tancredo? I’m still confused.
You know, a lot of effort has been put forth here talking about how these candidates change their positions on the issues and nobody points out that the real problem is that they almost invariably change their positions to WORSE positions.
Here’s something I love about debates. Mitt just used the word “Senator” with that tone that makes it an insult. “You know that, Senator!” That’s one good thing about being a comedian. How stupid would someone sound saying “And you should know that, Comedian!”
Catfight on immigration! “You actually LIKE these people!” “No I don’t!” “Why don’t you kiss illegal aliens if you love them so much…” My god, Huck is so smart to just let these guys rip each other wide open on this issue of paramount importance to New Hampshire…
Rudy chimes in with two more Ronald Reagans. Is Rudy running, or just campaigning for Ron? Oh, and two more Double R’s for RG. He is totally winning the RR mention-off.
OK, bad drinking game. When Fred says um, uh, or uuuuuuuhm, take a drink. You’d pass out in two minutes and miss the rest of this debate. Oh wait, that makes it a GOOD drinking game…
8:22:13 PM
The immigration catfight continues. Each person trying to show that their policy wasn’t as reasonable or workable as others might make it out to be.
Charlie Gibson is SMART! He picked up on Huck’s silence and forced him into the fray.
Huck almost steals the issue with a brief, coherent answer, but…. nope. He killed it.
Ron Paul reminds us that in our rush to be paranoid about illegal immigration, we’re forgetting to be paranoid about national ID cards. Thanks Ron. You’re no Alan Keyes, but you’re keeping me awake.
8:27:33 PM
New question: Hey, you guys hate Hillary, but you might have to hate Barak Obama! Do you have any hatred left over?
Mitt: Sure do! And I want to debate him on change! Oh, good strategy for the ruling party…
Fred: I don’t know what Obama’s positions are, but I’m sure they’re very liberal…. uh…um…uh… But what the country really needs uh, um is my stump speech…um… uh.
McCain rips on Mitt the way I just did.
Damn. There have been like 6 straight three pointers in the UW/WSU game. All knotted up. Oh, yeah, I’m supposed to listen to John McCain rip on Barak Obama...
See, why is Rudy Giuliani allowed to rip on someone who isn’t there to defend himself? My idea at the outset of having them all grouped together is way better than this format. Of course, Charlie Gibson would win….
8:36:24 PM
OK. Here we go. New Topic: Gas prices. Please tell us in less than two minutes how the free market is not responsible for high gas prices, and how the free market will somehow bring them down again.
Ron Paul makes a great point of how the Iraq war has quadrupled the price of oil. The problem with being a conspiracy theorist is that when you do talk sense, nobody listens.
McCain didn’t really answer the question but sounded sane, so points there.
Fred is a prick. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about and covers that up by being mean. Uh… ramble ramble. Dick. Remember when it was a mystery that this guy didn’t lead all the polls as soon as he declared? Mystery solved.
Rudy sounded sane on alternative fuels. Actually, these guys all are talking about oil independence. The industry that bankrolls them has coached them well. (Wow, that was a cheap shot worthy of Fred Thompson!)
And we’re done! Now Charlie Gibson, in the most presidential act of the night, asks all the candidates, Republican and Democrat to join on the stage and play nice. Sort of like my idea, only silent. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the winner of tonight’s debate and next president of the United States of America, Charles Gibson!
Time for a break as we wait for the audience to be reshuffled. God forbid Republicans hear Democrat’s ideas, or vice-versa. But they all shook hands! God bless America. We’re screwed.
All right. Had to take a break and pause the action, so the times won’t really match up anymore, but now my daughter’s in bed, my wife’s in the tub, my son is… well I’m sure he’s fending for himself somewhere, and the Huskies game is sadly over. A heck of a game but a Husky loss. It hurts, but I’ll go on. Let’s get back to the carnage.
9:21:57 PM
Great. We get coverage of the Spin Room. What possible good is served by this? Everyone agrees that no good ever comes out of these paid consultants telling journalists who won a debate that we just saw, so why this lameness? I’m going to skip it out of principal.
I mean, do the locker room interviews after football games change the outcome? Shame on you ABC news and all the other media outlets for forcing this crap down our throats.
My DVR says this will go until 10pm. It’s already 9pm and we don’t have the Dems started.
9:27:32 PM
George and Diane have to make sure to give us the poll numbers going in. Thanks guys. Don’t be afraid to take time away from listening to the candidates to tell us who is going to win.
Good gossip though about Hill being mad at Richardson for throwing support to Obama to stay in the race. Why don’t they give us more nuggets like that, and not the silly numbers?
9:30:01 PM
We’re off.
Charlie talks about how he’s going to stay out of the way of the candidates. No! You already won one debate tonight Charlie! Go for two!
9:31:13 PM
We start the Dems with NUCLEAR Terrorism. The implication here is that Dems are soft on nuclear terrorism. Who isn’t?
Obama gets asked, “Will you invade Pakistan?” Who dreams up these questions? No wonder we’re in two wars at once. The media is obsessed!
Obama replies, "sure, why not?"
Man, he has NO voice left. Maybe he was at today’s Seahawk game.
To his credit, he’s not talking about invading Pakistan, just going in and getting Bin Laden.
Now Edwards says he’d find Bin Laden and get him. What, do these guys think that will play favorably with Democrats? Don’t democrats LOVE bin Laden? Bad political strategy IMO.
(Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, I was being SARCASTIC!)
Richardson goes before Hillary? Man, how the mighty have fallen…
Bill (I’m gonna start using first names now. It’s easier to type) looks like he’s lost a little weight and either got some tanning done in Iowa or New Hampshire, or has some pancake makeup on. Judging that his face doesn’t move when he does, I’m thinkin’ make up.
Is it me, or were Republicans asked about real things and Dems are being asked hypotheticals? I guess I shouldn’t judge one question in. Hey folks, I’m trying to be unbiased, but it’s hard…
Hillary does better sitting down. It’s like she’s on a talk show, which she’s done a billion times. I think this format may help her a lot.
Hill scores some points by mentioning the fragility of the India situation vis a vis Pakistan. Sounding wonkish is good strategy with Dems.
Richardson’s making some great points now, but since he has no chance to win, I’m wondering what to put on my second TV. This is a problem after 9pm or so when all the sports events are over. I need something that I can mute so as not to distract, but will still give me eye candy when bored. Usually go with SportsCenter here.
9:45:11 PM
OK. I get to be the paranoid guy now.
The question is “After a nuclear bomb goes off in America, what will you wish you had done, and what will you do?” Thanks liberal media! The implication here being that, if there’s a democrat in office, of course we’ll have to deal with this kind of thing. If a Democrat’s in office, everybody will be nuking us! Second hypothetical question of the debate. Are we ever gonna talk about REAL things, and stop debating episodes of “24?”
The answers here go something to the effect of “If we were hit we will have wished we would have had would have done something we then would not have had done and had we done what I wished we had done, then we will have would have done something I would have and will have done.” Can we have a whole debate on a subjective level? This is like a Marvel “What if” comic.
Next question: “What if Superman and Spiderman had a fight? Who would win?” (Sad personal note here. I totally had that comic book as a kid, and it would be worth the GDP of a small country today, but it got ripped and my Mom threw it away. Bummer.)
Oh, oops, there’s a debate on!
9:52:43 PM
Wait wait wait. I gotta pause the DVR Here. ABC goes to all this effort to show a tape of a story and question about Social Security and Medicare and America’s aging, then Charlie just says, “Good stuff and I hope we get to it, but I want to ask Hillary what dirt she thinks might get dug up about Obama.” What the hell? Are you just trying to start a catfight Charlie? Not very presidential of you….
So now Hillary winds into an attack on Obama for flip flopping on single-payer health care. Who gives a hairy rat about flip-flopping? Honestly? Do we, the American people ever get mad at a candidate for listening to us? God, it’s a democracy! Shouldn’t leaders listen to the American people once in a while? Doesn’t democracy give the masses some credit for having half a brain? Man, I’m tired of this.
10:05:20 PM
We’re still talking about who did and didn’t flip-flop and Edwards hasn’t spoken yet. Ug.
Edwards is taking notes from Huckabee and staying out, then coming in as the nice guy. God, if he and Huck both win, it will be such a warm fuzzy general campaign perhaps we’ll all start coughing up fur balls.
OK, this may sound risqué, but it’s shaping up to be 2 on 1 and Hillary is... OK, that’s too risqué. But Edwards did a nice job of smiling while digging Hillary to make the B-word side really come out of her. These candidates are tired, and there might be some actual emotions coming through in this thing.
Bill makes a joke about hostage negotiations being more civil than this debate. Good laugh and a nice icebreaker, but things really weren’t that bad. Leave the comedy to the viable candidates Bill.
Yeah, It’s Edwards and Obama against Hillary. Smart triangulation. This is what makes the primaries fascinating. The scheming and alliances.
10:14:00 PM
And now on to Iraq. Finally something real to talk about. Oh wait. They said that the surge is working and everything is hunky dory now. We’re still in fantasyland.
Bill’s talking, so I’ll give my own personal solution to Iraq. Easy. Let the Iraqi people vote on whether US forces stay or leave! Whatever they say, we do! Why can’t it just be that simple? I mean, do we believe in democracy or don’t we? What, they might not vote the way we want them to? I know I’m an idealist, but won’t we gain some respect worldwide for actually believing in something if we do that? Oh well. Let’s hear the “real” solutions…
Bill scores some points by saying he’d pull the troops out fastest. But does he really think that he’s going to get all that anti-war under-25 first-time voter vote? I love this about American politics. The guys who are getting out-polled by margin of error and still think they have a chance.
10:25:33 PM
We’re back from commercial and into the “last half” of the 4 debate halves.
And now some questions from the guy who asked questions earlier, and nobody still knows who he is. He’s bald.
He asks the inside-baseball question to Hillary about why people don’t like her. Good god.
She comes back nicely with a joke. Well played. Then she very subtly reminds us that we liked Bush too. Nice crafty politics.
Then she gets silly saying “Just being a woman means I’m all about change.” She gets applause for that. Come on people. Obama’s not saying to vote for him because he’s black. Someone should call her on that.
Obama makes a great joke about “Flipping back and forth between the Republican debate and football.” This guy’s a natural. Makes a joke, gets out the male vote, and rips the Reps.
Bill is asked about “Executive experience” and goes on his tiresome diatribe about “Standing down the North Koreans” and blah blah blah. You’re governor of Freakin’ New Mexico for Chrissakes! Get over yourself! What, did Communists try to take over the Taos music festival? Put a sock in it Bill. If you are doing "hostage negotiations" as Governor of New Mexico, well... You should not be doing hostage negotiations as Governor of New Mexico...
Edwards gets to talk and gives his lobbyist/my Dad worked in the mill speech. I like this guy a lot, but I’m getting tired of hearing about his Dad’s miserable job.
Quick cutaway to the audience of Edwards (John’s) wife. Hey, where’s Papa Clinton btw? Not in the house tonight?
All right. It’s time to pick a candidate already. Charlie just pointed out a loophole in the last lobby reform bill that allows a congressman to be bought a dinner if he stands up to eat it. Really? Is that true? And how did Charlie Gibson find that out? Policy wog and a half our Charlie Gibson! Anyway, we've truly devolved into the minutia if that's really what we're going to spend the next 5 minutes on.
Hillary just asked for a “Reality check.” About an hour late Hill. Then she called Obama a lobbyist.
10:49:22 PM
Man, I really don’t like Charlie Gibson’s vice presidential candidate the bald guy. He’s just kind of a jerk. He works in radio. Go figure.
Charlie’s tired. He just made cynical comments about how “Washington is set up to resist change.” Yeah sure Charlie. It’s exactly the same as it was 200 years ago. You still have my vote Chuck, but let’s keep it upbeat.
Oh, don’t bring cynicism into Obama’s strike zone… Man, he just turned that right around, knocked it out of the park and made us all sing along. He even used the term “cynical” in his response. He’s saying what I’m thinking. That’ll probably hurt him.
Bill’s up. Why is the fat man still talking?
Man, if it winds up McCain vs. Edwards, who will the lobbyists back? That would be a win-win for America. It will of course never be allowed to happen.
10:58:58 PM
I’m flagging now. I’ll confess I was just zoning out and watching SportsCenter. Looks like that Jags game was pretty awesome, too bad I missed it to watch and blog this. How does that apply to the carbon tax, (which is the thing that’s never going to happen that the candidates are talking about now)? Well, it’s all about sacrifice. I sacrificed a Saturday night and half of an NFL playoff game to blog this debate, and I think that entitles me to drive an SUV. Anyway, let’s get back to this.
11:02:01 PM
What the heck is the next question? Housing crisis, Energy and jobs? Actually I don’t think there is a question. Man, the topics chosen for these debates don’t make sense to me when I’m awake and alert. How am I supposed to decipher this after watching a mind-numbing 2 and a half hours?
Anyway, Charlie Gibson loses the college professor vote at this college by wildly exaggerating their salaries, proving that perhaps he’s not quite so in touch with the American people as we might think. Big boos, then laughs.
11:03:29PM
Finally a real issue with real math is asked that real candidates can talk about. They now get two minutes to explain and fix income disparity in America.
Edwards mentions college kids, and they cut away to the most bored looking sophomores I’ve ever seen. Wake up people! You owe 9 trillion freakin’ dollars, not to mention your student loans. Did I mention that we’re doomed?
SportsCenter is talking about College football now, so let me just take this chance to say that the BCS is a joke and I won’t be watching the national championship game.
Oh yeah, debate.
11:11:06 PM
The bald VP candidate guy is going to spread more of his dirt, this time on Richardson. More hypotheticals about IF small business owners HAPPEN to fit the upper bracket AND they lay people off… If if if. It’s a stupid question, and Bill doesn’t answer it.
11:13:28 PM
Last question: Is there anything you’ve said in one of the 642 debates that you wish you hadn’t said? (Anyone who says yes will quickly be labeled a flip-flopper)
Another audience cutaway. Hey! Chelsea in the house! (In other words, Bill C.’s not there.)
Bill R can actually think of something. Apparently he said he admired a judge who was against Roe v. Wade. And you’re polling at 2 percent why Bill?
John apologizes for insulting Hillary’s jacket in a previous debate. Finally a weary nation can move on!
Barak gets the last line of the debate and just tries to remind America in his subtle way that all the Republican candidates are total dipwads.
And we’re out! I made it! Now they’re rehashing everything and I’m sure we’re going to take a stroll through the spin room. If you think I’m sticking around and blogging that, you’re crazy.
Wow. 12 pages. If you stayed through and read this whole thing, you have even more stamina than me.
Go America!
(PS: We’re doomed.)
Next week, I'll upload a nice non-political song. Promise.
--winlar
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Christmas Eve
Just had the notion that, in the spirit of the season, I'd share a little poem I wrote for my family a while ago. Enjoy, and may you have peace in the coming New Year.
Christmas Eve
by Winlar
©2005
Christmas Eve’s a moment which transcends both time and space
When everything you love in this whole world is in one place
A timelessness, which reaches the whole world with joy and truth
On Christmas Eve your whole entire world’s under one roof
The magic of the holiday is strongest on this night
The longest darkness of the year concealing reindeer flight
When everything in this life that you in your heart do keep
Is all so very near you, safe and warm and fast asleep
Peace on Earth is possible, we all know and believe
We see it happen every year, in the dark of Christmas Eve
There is a moment when the season always turns sublime
When shopping and the preparations have run out of time
And the world in darkness sighs a wonderful relief
And we switch the lights all off and try to sleep on Christmas Eve
The bikes are put together
All the toys have batteries
The lights are strung and functioning
Upon the Christmas trees
The children are conked out
And in the house there’s not a stir
The whirlwind of the last month
Now a gentle quiet blur
And a touch of relaxation can be finally achieved
Drinking milk and eating cookies, late at night on Christmas Eve
Finally Santa’s been and gone back home upon his sleigh
And the troubles of the season for one moment seem at bay
Everyone is sleeping, Mom and Dad, aunts, uncles, child
And you can catch a few hours sleep before it goes hog wild
And with all home and safe you wish no one would ever leave
Such is the magic of the night you get on Christmas Eve
Merry Christmas to all,
--winlar
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Perhaps Seattle will land the Knicks!
With all the talk of the Sonics potentially leaving town, I found this interesting article about the Knicks being unexpectantly sold. Thought that I'd post it.
--w
The New York Knicks, a fixture in New York, and Madison Square Garden have been sold for an undisclosed sum to Seattle multi-billionaire Jay Stennett. Stennett, an arms dealer and direct email marketer is also CEO of the Basketball Club of Seattle Who Will Bring an NBA Team to Seattle. (BCSWWBNBATS)” Stennett immediately downplayed speculation that the Knicks would be moving.
“The Knicks have a great fan base and a rich tradition here in New York. Move the team from New York to Seattle? That would make about as much sense as moving a Seattle team to, I dunno, some smaller town in the Southwest or something.” Said Stennett.
Where it does make sense that the team would stay in the nation’s largest and most influential market, Seattle is an interesting proposition, since the Key Arena, renovated just 12 years ago, is newer and thus more appealing than the historic, but old Madison Square Garden. “We’re going to need a brand-new facility, funded entirely by tax-payers, but we’re all very optimistic that we can make this work. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m very bullish on New York,” Remarked Stennett. Stennett then went on to say that if a workable solution was not fully in place by 3pm next Tuesday he would have no other choice but to “look for other options.”
Stennett who consistently referred to the team as the “Seattle, er, sorry, New York Knicks” raised his fortune selling armor piercing bullets to the military, and had his net worth greatly upgraded by the current political situation in the Middle East. He has spent the last 20 years of his life trying to bring a basketball team to Seattle area, despite the fact that Seattle already has a basketball team, and has for 40 years. In high school he was voted “Most likely to relocate an NBA basketball franchise to Seattle. Next month he is to be inducted into the Seattle hall of fame. “We’re excited to enter the New York market!” Stennett went on. “Have you built me that stadium yet? No? Come on people, time’s a tickin’. I got a plane to catch and a big salmon dinner waiting.”
NBA Commissioner David Stern expressed “nearly genuine sadness” for New York’s loyal fan base, but claimed that the NBA was powerless to block the deal, or any proposed move. He also said he was “disheartened” by New York’s clear lack of support for the 8 and 17 Knicks, exemplified by booing in Madison Square Garden. “The booing, empty seats, and reluctance of politicians to spend half a billion dollars at a time when our nation is at war is a vivid example of how the Big Apple refuses to support professional basketball.” When hundreds of fans sent Stern harsh emails and phone calls in response to these remarks he cited them as “another show of how New Yorkers are hostile to the NBA.” He went on to say that “The relocation of the team is entirely the fault of New Yorkers, who left a nice man like Jay Stennett no choice.” He then rushed off to speak at Stennett’s Seattle Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
Now-former Knicks owner James Dolan said he was “extremely optimistic” about the team’s future in New York. “In my opinion, selling to a Seattle businessman with no ties to the city, and who has utter contempt for its fan base and citizenry is the best chance to keep the team in New York,” claimed Dolan, world-class idiot. “We’re sorry to sell the team, but we lost 42 million dollars last year, and only some of that due to sexual harassment lawsuits! Another 10 or 11 years of those kind of losses, and we no longer would have been able to sell the team for a gigantic profit!” He added, “I do hope they keep Isaiah though. My love for him knows no bounds.”
The future of embattled General Manager Isaiah Thomas remains in doubt. Most likely he’ll be fired, forced to retire or “simply made to disappear,” according to one source close to the group. Thomas expressed his personal confidence that he would stay with the Knicks and likely be promoted.
Knicks fans, who eventually will have absolutely no say on the matter, had mixed emotions on the pending sale and subsequent demand for a new stadium. “I love the Knicks!” said one fan. “This is a sad day! If only we had done a better job of supporting a team that hasn’t made the playoffs in half a decade and hasn’t won a championship since the Nixon administration.”
Others were more critical. “NBA players come from a social class below mine and are now in a class far above mine. I won’t support this kind of rampant social mobility with my tax dollars. Tax money should only go to paying for police, prisons, and developing technologically superior smart bombs,” chimed in someone with no friends.
“The team’s leaving? Bummer. But it’s worth it to get rid of Dolan and Isaiah! Go Giants!” said most people.
Perhaps as a good-will gesture, Stennett hired former Knicks great and fan favorite Walt Frazier as president of basketball operations. He then fired him five minutes later.
--w
New York Knicks sold to Seattle-based ownership group
Group downplays possibility of relocating team, but likely will
Group downplays possibility of relocating team, but likely will
The New York Knicks, a fixture in New York, and Madison Square Garden have been sold for an undisclosed sum to Seattle multi-billionaire Jay Stennett. Stennett, an arms dealer and direct email marketer is also CEO of the Basketball Club of Seattle Who Will Bring an NBA Team to Seattle. (BCSWWBNBATS)” Stennett immediately downplayed speculation that the Knicks would be moving.
“The Knicks have a great fan base and a rich tradition here in New York. Move the team from New York to Seattle? That would make about as much sense as moving a Seattle team to, I dunno, some smaller town in the Southwest or something.” Said Stennett.
Where it does make sense that the team would stay in the nation’s largest and most influential market, Seattle is an interesting proposition, since the Key Arena, renovated just 12 years ago, is newer and thus more appealing than the historic, but old Madison Square Garden. “We’re going to need a brand-new facility, funded entirely by tax-payers, but we’re all very optimistic that we can make this work. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m very bullish on New York,” Remarked Stennett. Stennett then went on to say that if a workable solution was not fully in place by 3pm next Tuesday he would have no other choice but to “look for other options.”
Stennett who consistently referred to the team as the “Seattle, er, sorry, New York Knicks” raised his fortune selling armor piercing bullets to the military, and had his net worth greatly upgraded by the current political situation in the Middle East. He has spent the last 20 years of his life trying to bring a basketball team to Seattle area, despite the fact that Seattle already has a basketball team, and has for 40 years. In high school he was voted “Most likely to relocate an NBA basketball franchise to Seattle. Next month he is to be inducted into the Seattle hall of fame. “We’re excited to enter the New York market!” Stennett went on. “Have you built me that stadium yet? No? Come on people, time’s a tickin’. I got a plane to catch and a big salmon dinner waiting.”
NBA Commissioner David Stern expressed “nearly genuine sadness” for New York’s loyal fan base, but claimed that the NBA was powerless to block the deal, or any proposed move. He also said he was “disheartened” by New York’s clear lack of support for the 8 and 17 Knicks, exemplified by booing in Madison Square Garden. “The booing, empty seats, and reluctance of politicians to spend half a billion dollars at a time when our nation is at war is a vivid example of how the Big Apple refuses to support professional basketball.” When hundreds of fans sent Stern harsh emails and phone calls in response to these remarks he cited them as “another show of how New Yorkers are hostile to the NBA.” He went on to say that “The relocation of the team is entirely the fault of New Yorkers, who left a nice man like Jay Stennett no choice.” He then rushed off to speak at Stennett’s Seattle Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
Now-former Knicks owner James Dolan said he was “extremely optimistic” about the team’s future in New York. “In my opinion, selling to a Seattle businessman with no ties to the city, and who has utter contempt for its fan base and citizenry is the best chance to keep the team in New York,” claimed Dolan, world-class idiot. “We’re sorry to sell the team, but we lost 42 million dollars last year, and only some of that due to sexual harassment lawsuits! Another 10 or 11 years of those kind of losses, and we no longer would have been able to sell the team for a gigantic profit!” He added, “I do hope they keep Isaiah though. My love for him knows no bounds.”
The future of embattled General Manager Isaiah Thomas remains in doubt. Most likely he’ll be fired, forced to retire or “simply made to disappear,” according to one source close to the group. Thomas expressed his personal confidence that he would stay with the Knicks and likely be promoted.
Knicks fans, who eventually will have absolutely no say on the matter, had mixed emotions on the pending sale and subsequent demand for a new stadium. “I love the Knicks!” said one fan. “This is a sad day! If only we had done a better job of supporting a team that hasn’t made the playoffs in half a decade and hasn’t won a championship since the Nixon administration.”
Others were more critical. “NBA players come from a social class below mine and are now in a class far above mine. I won’t support this kind of rampant social mobility with my tax dollars. Tax money should only go to paying for police, prisons, and developing technologically superior smart bombs,” chimed in someone with no friends.
“The team’s leaving? Bummer. But it’s worth it to get rid of Dolan and Isaiah! Go Giants!” said most people.
Perhaps as a good-will gesture, Stennett hired former Knicks great and fan favorite Walt Frazier as president of basketball operations. He then fired him five minutes later.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Running Diary of the Republican Debate
OK. Tip of the hat to Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, who does signature “Running Diaries” of his reactions to sports events. I’m not as good as he is, nor will ever be, but I thought someone should do that for politics, so I’ve tried to. I’ve jotted down my reactions to various events of the evening of Dec. 12th when the Republicans debated somewhere in Iowa, sponsored by the Des Moines Register. (Is there any paper with a duller name than “Register?” That’s right there behind the Ames Glossary and the Iowa City List of Things.)
So anyway, here we go.
I’ve never really had the experience of setting my DVR to record something on CSPAN. Is there anything more geeky than that?
OK, turns out that this will be a re-air of the debate. Yes, the joke is, “Don’t tell me how it turned out!” But that’s really not funny because what does CSPAN start it’s coverage with? The guy calls a journalist on the phone asking, “So what’s the headline for this debate?” Hello? How about a spoiler alert warning? I fast forward through this part.
(On a side note, I’d just like to call this typical example of the media self-aggrandizing and making their coverage of the story more important than the story.)
All right! 6:30 PM and they’ve promised to solve all the nation’s problems in 90 minutes, so let’s ride!
6:30pm PST
Thanks Des Moines Register for splurging on the graphics!
6:31pm PST
Carolyn Washburn editor of the Des Moines Register… Let’s just say she has a good face for the newspaper business, and move on…
6:32pm PST
Carolyn informs us that 6 in 10 Iowa Republicans can still be swayed away from their candidate! You know, by another candidate, or shiny object.
Carolyn also informs that there will be no discussion of Iraq or Immigration in this debate. Or any other issues beginning with the letter I.
My daughter Moxie is climbing all over me during the introductions, and I’m so blinded by Giulianni’s cornball smile so I miss them. But let me just say that, not only are all these guys white males, but they’re REALLY white. It’s called the sun people! Get some! All except….
Alan Keyes in the House!! What up dog!! Well, this is gonna be a party after all!
6:33pm PST
Rules Rules rules. Carolyn, you had us at Alan Keyes….
Single biggest issue in Iowa is Finances and national debt.
Rudy agrees with the people in Iowa! Shockeroo! I’m betting McCain starts us off by saying “Oh, you Iowa boneheads. Wrong wrong wrong!”
Rudy says we have to cut corporate taxes to bring down the debt. Isn’t that like quitting your job to pay off your credit cards? Is there anyone who will have the courage to say, “It’s harder to pay off debts when you take in less money?”
Oh, Yes or no questions. Let’s keep track of the number of times yes or no answers are asked for versus how many are given. 1-0 right now.
6:34pm PST
Duncan Hunter blames China and foreigners for our debt. When he loses the election, will he blame illegal immigrants for that too?
Time warning #1`
Ron Paul blames too much govt. Shockeroo.
6:35pm PST
Tancredo is still in the race? Where’s he been? He only shows up when Alan Keyes does. Are they Siamese twins or something?
Fred Thompson reads you the notes on the subject he read earlier this week.
Mitt blarneys it up.
The Huckster says we have to feed and fuel and fight for ourselves. Nice alliteration Mikee!
6:38pm PST
McCain keeps up the scare campaign. We’ll be oil independent.
6:39pm PST
Alan Keyes just said that “National Security is Securing the Blessings of liberty.” Al, we know you’ve read the constitution. Now answer the question!
I had to replay what Keyes said twice. I hope this doesn’t happen every time he talks.
Al says abolish income taxes and we’ll have no debt. Yeah, and if I were homeless, I’d have no worries…
6:40pm PST
The question is, what sacrifices must American people make to pay off the national debt. Over/under line on actual sacrifices offered by these candidates is… zero.
Rudy says Government must sacrifice itself. But that won’t hurt anyone. In fact, the American people will get MORE!!
Paul Ron says it’s unnecessary to sacrifice. I set the over/under too high…
Huck says, no, we’ll just do things differently. Still at zero sacrifice
Next question “Is there a program you’d run a deficit to pay for?” I’m betting… no…
Got to say, much as I love YouTube, the questions are way better when a newspaper is doing the moderating. The moderator doesn’t jump in ad nauseum like the CNN or FOX talking heads to get her airtime, and there’s a bare bones attitude that really moves this thing along. Say it once, I’ll say it a million times, people who read are smart. People who watch TV are me.
Mitt says, well, a lot of stuff. Basically no. He’d cut everything. Says we need to run the country like a business. Oh. Start by laying off a lot of citizens…
My 2 year old son just came in past his bed time. Hard not to watch him since he’s both more entertaining, and would make a better president than anyone on my TV right now…
The Tank (Tancredo) says, no. Follow the Constitution and there’s no problem. You know, I couldn’t tell him apart from Duncan Hunter if I saw them both in a police line-up. Judging by the polls, the American people can’t seem to tell him apart from “Margin of Error.”
Fred says Military, infrastructure. And “Takes a big risk and tells the truth to the American people.” The risk? He’s probably lying…
Next question for everyone, and a good one that they won’t answer. “Who in this country is paying more than their fair share in taxes?” I’m guessing the smart answer you’ll hear is “Republicans.” The answers allowed are upper, middle or lower class.
Al- Essay answer to a multiple choice question. Time warning given.
McCain- Essay. Doesn’t know.
Huckster- 80% of people. Kudos that you didn’t give an essay answer. Too bad your answer wasn’t one of the choices.
Mitt- Middle Class! Actually one of the choices! Mitt here done been to college!
Fred Frankenberry- Takes a cheap shot at Mitt, saying he don’t pay no taxes, chuckle chuckle. Mitt jokes back something just to break Fred’s concentration, which works. Fred jokes that Mitt’s getting to be a better actor, Chuckle chuckle. Rare moment of honesty in there. I seriously doubt that anyone on this stage pays any taxes at all.
Fred also says that 40% of all Americans pay no taxes at all. That is such an outrageous lie that I don’t know where to begin…
Duncan or Tom, oh Tom… selects. I dunno.
Ron Paul says middle class suffers most and that’s EVIL!
Duncan says it’s that other class, the IRS
Rudy shows that they’ve all forgotten the question, but says E, all of the above. My “Republicans” answer was better. These guys should hire me! (Under the table of course… Got a little tax problem…)
And now, each candidate gets 30 free seconds! I hate this! The YouTube debates did the same thing. This isn’t ad time! Put your little canned statement on the Internet like anyone else! If any candidate yields this time, or uses it for “A quick shout out to my homies,” he’s immediately got my vote…
McCain reminds us he’s a vet, has experience, and isn’t very popular.
Duncan Hunter- “Dee-hunt” is also a veteran, and so is his son. Oh, by the way, he’s also a Mexican hating bigot.
Carolyn Washburn looks bored already.
The question is how to keep foreign markets open while blah blah, making sure we’re still richer than God.
Ron Paul gets angry
Mitt understands. Mentions education for the first time tonight.
Huckster blames taxes and regulations hurting industry. Yes… if only we were more like China…
Next question: Should we trade with… what again? Oh. Human rights. Should we give a rat about human rights while making money?
McCain. Sure we should, but no we won’t. Free Trade all the way.
Next question, and now I guess we’re at the annoying point where only one guy answers a question that everyone maybe should, so some guys completely don’t have to answer and some get trapped and there’s no rhyme or reason to the whole thing. Anyway we get to hear what Rudy thinks about NAFTA
6:57pm PST
Rudy doubted it, but now he loves it! Here’s what bugs me most about Rudy. Why does nobody ever mention that he SUCKED when he guest hosted SNL? SUCKED! He gets a free pass for that just for being mayor on 9-11. Sorry pal. Not with me. Worst… Host … EVER!!!
Fred gives a nearly unintelligible answer about NAFTA. “It’s a long complex document” says he in a long convoluted response. Jeezes, this guy is a lightweight.
Tancredo gives Duncan Hunter’s answer. Or is that… Man, this is confusing
Now DeeHunt jumps in and extends my confusion. It’s like giving one guy an extra thirty seconds. Freaky. But together, the two of them can hate twice as many foreigners.
7:00pm PST
Free statement time now for Paul and Frankenberry.
Paul- Liberty is good
Fred’ “What was the question again?”
By the way, did anyone see how he mailed in his performance in “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World?” He had like 5 lines and he still didn’t seem to bother to memorize them. Not Albert Brooks best movie btw, and I’m a fan. However, it’s worth it just for Al’s fake improv schtick. Such a funny bit…
7:01pm
Show of hands time!!
Who believes in Climate change? Wait…
Fred won’t do the hand show! Apparantly there aren’t stage directions in the script. This is a more confrontational moment than when someone says “build a fence along Mexico.” Some idiot in the audience applauds Fred for his courageous stance on this issue.
A few hands go up and everyone talks at once. Well it really isn’t fair. To understand the concept of raising your hand requires at least a kindergarten education…
Rudy and McCain (The Science Posse) say GW is a problem. (GW here refers to Global Warming. The other GW won’t be mentioned much tonight…)
Mitt looks really presidential by begging “Hey give us all a chance to talk… please? My turn! My turn!”
He gets his presidential stature and republican street-cred back in one fell swoop however by blaming foreigners for global warming in his answer.
Alan Keyes uses the global warming question to go on the greatest tangent I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t mention anything about climate, global warming, anything. He talks so crazily that even Fred Thompson is able to zing him by saying “Well there’s Alan Keyes position on global warming…”
By the way, if Bill Clinton is a bit oily, then Mitt Romney is eight gallons of salad dressing.
Huckster jokes “Global Warming? It’s cold outside here in Iowa! Crickets are heard in the auditorium. Oh, and by the way, our govt is responsible for global warming.
7:08pm PST
Duncan Tancredo says something.
Tom Hunter chimes in. Having these two clones chime in back to back on everything really does a disservice to your readers Des Moines Register…
btw Des Moines “Shout out to my homies!” Now there’s a name for a paper!
7:09pm PST
Free time for tacredohuckalopolis.
Tom- Immigrants suck. Shockeroo!
Huck- Founding fathers rool. I wanna be prez, because I like it when ordinary shmoes boss me around. Oh, and I used to be poor.
7:10pm PST
New Topic! Education! (Moderator notes that Iowans say it hasn’t been talked about enough. Iowans know about education? OK, that was a cheap shot…)
We suck at science. What gives?
McCain- More choice and more competition. Charter Schools may fail, but at least then we can blame the students for making bad CHOICES!
Rudy- “Parents should choose the school their child goes to. Colleges are good, because they’re expensive! Get it?”
Duncan Hunter- “Jaime Escalante is a guy I saw in a movie once. If we let people who are uncredentialed teach in our classrooms, some of them might be like him…”
New question: Does the fed gov need to set standards? (For education I’m guessing)
Mitt asks what the rules are. 30 seconds? 60? Real presidential Mitt.
Huckster: the federal govt. can personalize the curriculum for these kids. Um… Wha?
“Unleash weapons of mass Instruction!” He said that. After hearing him say that, many high-schoolers recognized that education is not that important.
The Keyes-ster interrupts to point out, perhaps rightly so, that he hasn’t been asked a question since his diatribe about anything but global warming. The moderator then gives him 30 seconds where everyone else was getting a minute.
This, my friends, is the Republican party in a nutshell. “Katrina? You want us to respond to Katrina? We can ignore a black man who is on stage next to us in a presidential debate! You think we’re gonna respond to some for a lousy hurricane?”
On the other hand, Keyes platform of “Vote for me because nobody wants to give me the time of day” has never been much of a proven winner…
Keyes then goes on for over a minute blaming our education crisis on judges taking God out of the classroom and the fact that kids don’t know “our national creed.” He is impassioned about this. Cricket chirping ensues. The moderator then goes right back to asking Ron Paul the question he’d interrupted, as if Keyes were Mr. Cellophane. Very surreal.
Ron Paul: The problem with education is probably the federal government.
Man, if it weren’t for foreigners, and our government, we’d be in the Garden of Eden right now.
Fred “What was the question again?”
He then blames the NEA. Lousy teachers. Which makes me realize that I left Unions off my list of Republican scape goats.
Tancrunter: “Get rid of the dept. of education.” Yeah that will improve… education.... He says that they cut 80% of the people in the dept, and nobody noticed. Really? The people who got fired didn’t notice? You did make sure they weren’t still showing up for work right? What an ass. Whichever one he is. He then takes a cheap shot at Huckster for wanting art and science taught in school. Dick.
(Yes, I realize that purposely mispronouncing the names of the candidates in this debate is immature much like the way FOX news commentators purposely mispronounce “Achmadinijad”
I apologize for this, and from here on in promise to only refer to Tom Tancredo as “Achmadinijad”)
7:23pm PST
New Question. “What can you accomplish in your first year?”
Rudy: Secure against Islamic terrorism! Are you here tonight Rud, or is that one of those cardboard cutouts with a little voice recorder in it?
Drunken Hunger. Make the military bigger, and get that border fence up!
Ron Paul: End the war. Amen Ron. Too bad you’re batshit insane. (Even a clock that’s broken is right how often?)
Achmininididijad: “Free somebody nobody’s ever heard of. Secure our borders. Kill Islamic people.”
Frankenberry: “Tell people the truth.” (Yeah, that’ll take a year.) Man, this guy knows absolutely nothing.
Mitt: Reign in entitlements and Muslims. Bunch of other stuff he won’t get done.
Huckster: Bring the Country back together. (I assume this involves annexing British Columbia and building a bridge to Hawaii.) But he does finally play his “Hey I’m the only one up here who isn’t a hate-filled bastard card.” Of course he doesn’t believe in evolution…
McCain: Make America safe. BTW, you aren’t safe. Did you know that?
Oh, and restore trust and confidence in your govt. again. Hey, isn’t that what the guy who beat you the last time you ran said HE was going to do?
Big Al. Hey guys! What debate have you been to tonight? I went to one! I think I won! Now I’m going to talk about killing things in the womb and a bunch of crazy nonsense! I’m Alan Keyes ladies and gentlemen! What the hell am I even doing here?
7:30pm PST
Lastly final words. (In other words, we’re Iowa, you need to kiss our asses just one… more… time…)
Mitt: Thanks Iowa! Gosh you people are so nice!
Keyes: Iowa, you suck. You aren’t gonna vote for me. Everything wrong with America is your fault. You’re all going straight to hell! Oh, and Vote for Me!
(A side note. Caucuses are awkward social gatherings, where nobody knows anyone and then has to argue politics with them. They really are difficult, so here’s an ice-breaker Iowans. Go in, and when they ask you who you’re backing, say “Alan Keyes” with as straight a face as possible. Then wait for the awkward moment of silence, then for everyone to bust out laughing. In this way he brings us all together.)
Rudy: (OK, I didn’t want to make the joke in this blog that Rudy only talks about 9-11 and does so ad nauseum, and for the most part I haven’t. I don’t like to go on such overdone comic territory, but with Rudy’s last words he just has to remind us…. I WAS MAYOR ON 9-11!!! Jack-ass. Did I mention that he sucked on SNL?
7:34pm PST
Wait, now we go to some video thing? This debate confuses me. Shouldn’t the last words be the last words? This is surreal and stupid.
Wait, now there’s more? Oh! I had to rewind and figure out what was going on. She didn’t say last words, she said “Last candidate statements.” I guess that refers to the free ad time the candidates get. (See I told you this was a bad idea.) I guess I just wanted it to be over. Wishful thinking on my part….
And last but least, stuff about character:
Rudy: I am not a crook. My awkward laugh should prove that I’m not on the take from mobsters in Dubai…
Keyes: “Be authentic about who you are.” Yes. If you’re crazy, let everyone know.
Oh, and he brings up abortion because even republicans in Iowa don’t seem to care much about it any more. Keyes is the first person to question another candidate about it. I find that interesting.
Mitt: Keyes just said something about me, and I don’t care.
Mitt finally invokes the name of both Reagan and GW Bush. Only took an hour and a half.
It’s here that my DVR quits. They went over. Shockeroo. Fortunetely, I had the wherewithal to record the post-debate wrap up.
Freddy Thompson: Should we nuke Iran? Do you believe the intel that you’ll get as president? Freddy blames bureaucrats. I’m tired.
More video now. I’m not gonna comment on them. They’re monumentally stupid.
At this point I’m officially fast forwarding through to see exactly how long this goes on. Ah Jeezes. 12 more minutes. I’m gonna go dream about this a little and come back to this tomorrow… Man, do I not want to dream about Mitt Romney. Let’s hope my sleep is Tancredo-lishus!
OK. I’m awake and have recovered enough energy to watch the rest of the debate. I looked for any coverage that might bother to point out that Fred Thompson was talking out of his butt when he said that 40% of Americans pay no taxes, and instead found USA Today reporting that he won the debate! Way to go McPaper! A big hand for our free and watchful media everybody!
OK. I’m back now for the final twelve minutes. Thank God for DVR’s. I never would have made it in one sitting…
Huckster gets asked about his faith and how it changes his policies. He sounds like a hybrid breeding project between Jesus and Thomas Jefferson as he avoids the question.
Mitt is asked whether it’s more important to be fiscally or socially conservative and answers with a question that only he laughs at. Life just seems like an inside joke to him.
He then goes on to defray issues about his religion by saying that his official religion is “Conservatism.” (No, nobody really said that, but somebody should…)
Thunkin’ Dunter is asked the same question and is caught either sleeping or thinking about someone else. He’s so dull except for variations of his name. Hunkin’ Thunder is what I’d go by if I were him…
7:40-something. I’ve stopped caring. All times are unofficial from this point
Last pointless video. Mittster repeats the litany that Judges shouldn’t be allowed to judge. Thompson rails against consumerism and sets off irony alarms everywhere.
Achmadinijihad goes into a clash of civilization diatribe about Iraq. He was asked why his website only says five sentences about Iraq. He is given thirty seconds to explain this. Honest.
7:42
Ron Paul is called a “revolutionary” by the moderator. Look lady, just because someone’s ideas won’t work, doesn’t make them new.
McCain talks about Compromise and how he just looked up what the word meant.
7:44
Biggest laugh of the night comes when Carolyn asks the candidates to give new year’s resolutions to other candidates. We start with Alan Keyes… this should be good.
Alan resolves to keep repeating the same sentence he’s spouted all night.
McCain: “Lets resolve not to accuse each other of a lack of patriotism.” Why are new year’s resolutions so hard to keep?
Huckster: Responds to the wrong question. Covers with a “Joke-toid” A word I just made up for something that really isn’t a joke, but political candidates will laugh at nonetheless.
Mitttster resolves to slander democrats.
Fred also answers the wrong question
Achminidinijihad tries a bit late to ask Huckster a question. “Whoops! I forgot I’m polling at zero percent, and that I should attack the new front-runner. Mulligan!”
He can’t even get the question into his 15-second time frame, let alone the answer. We just move on.
“Just move on” is an accurate theme for the evening. It’s almost like everyone has just agreed that nobody is watching this debate (except poor me!) and let’s just get it over with. It’s amazing how many times rebuttals were just skipped, time was called and uncomfortable silences were just ignored and the next question asked. Even the paper sponsoring the debate really didn’t give any coverage to it the day after. They’d just moved on to the Democrats. So sad.
Ron Paul resolves to read the Constitution.
Thunk Dunk resolves to buy American.
Rudy resolves to not be pessimistic and reminds us about 9-11.
And thank God we’re out! Why in hell did I ever agree to do this! Never again! This is… Oh crap, I promised to do the Democrats tomorrow. Nuts.
Oh, and as for post-show spin CSPAN-2 actually wasn’t bad. They showed some of the FOX post-show spin and pointed out the errors Fox made. Not that it will make a difference.
See you next week with a belated Democrat’s debate diary.
So anyway, here we go.
I’ve never really had the experience of setting my DVR to record something on CSPAN. Is there anything more geeky than that?
OK, turns out that this will be a re-air of the debate. Yes, the joke is, “Don’t tell me how it turned out!” But that’s really not funny because what does CSPAN start it’s coverage with? The guy calls a journalist on the phone asking, “So what’s the headline for this debate?” Hello? How about a spoiler alert warning? I fast forward through this part.
(On a side note, I’d just like to call this typical example of the media self-aggrandizing and making their coverage of the story more important than the story.)
All right! 6:30 PM and they’ve promised to solve all the nation’s problems in 90 minutes, so let’s ride!
6:30pm PST
Thanks Des Moines Register for splurging on the graphics!
6:31pm PST
Carolyn Washburn editor of the Des Moines Register… Let’s just say she has a good face for the newspaper business, and move on…
6:32pm PST
Carolyn informs us that 6 in 10 Iowa Republicans can still be swayed away from their candidate! You know, by another candidate, or shiny object.
Carolyn also informs that there will be no discussion of Iraq or Immigration in this debate. Or any other issues beginning with the letter I.
My daughter Moxie is climbing all over me during the introductions, and I’m so blinded by Giulianni’s cornball smile so I miss them. But let me just say that, not only are all these guys white males, but they’re REALLY white. It’s called the sun people! Get some! All except….
Alan Keyes in the House!! What up dog!! Well, this is gonna be a party after all!
6:33pm PST
Rules Rules rules. Carolyn, you had us at Alan Keyes….
Single biggest issue in Iowa is Finances and national debt.
Rudy agrees with the people in Iowa! Shockeroo! I’m betting McCain starts us off by saying “Oh, you Iowa boneheads. Wrong wrong wrong!”
Rudy says we have to cut corporate taxes to bring down the debt. Isn’t that like quitting your job to pay off your credit cards? Is there anyone who will have the courage to say, “It’s harder to pay off debts when you take in less money?”
Oh, Yes or no questions. Let’s keep track of the number of times yes or no answers are asked for versus how many are given. 1-0 right now.
6:34pm PST
Duncan Hunter blames China and foreigners for our debt. When he loses the election, will he blame illegal immigrants for that too?
Time warning #1`
Ron Paul blames too much govt. Shockeroo.
6:35pm PST
Tancredo is still in the race? Where’s he been? He only shows up when Alan Keyes does. Are they Siamese twins or something?
Fred Thompson reads you the notes on the subject he read earlier this week.
Mitt blarneys it up.
The Huckster says we have to feed and fuel and fight for ourselves. Nice alliteration Mikee!
6:38pm PST
McCain keeps up the scare campaign. We’ll be oil independent.
6:39pm PST
Alan Keyes just said that “National Security is Securing the Blessings of liberty.” Al, we know you’ve read the constitution. Now answer the question!
I had to replay what Keyes said twice. I hope this doesn’t happen every time he talks.
Al says abolish income taxes and we’ll have no debt. Yeah, and if I were homeless, I’d have no worries…
6:40pm PST
The question is, what sacrifices must American people make to pay off the national debt. Over/under line on actual sacrifices offered by these candidates is… zero.
Rudy says Government must sacrifice itself. But that won’t hurt anyone. In fact, the American people will get MORE!!
Paul Ron says it’s unnecessary to sacrifice. I set the over/under too high…
Huck says, no, we’ll just do things differently. Still at zero sacrifice
Next question “Is there a program you’d run a deficit to pay for?” I’m betting… no…
Got to say, much as I love YouTube, the questions are way better when a newspaper is doing the moderating. The moderator doesn’t jump in ad nauseum like the CNN or FOX talking heads to get her airtime, and there’s a bare bones attitude that really moves this thing along. Say it once, I’ll say it a million times, people who read are smart. People who watch TV are me.
Mitt says, well, a lot of stuff. Basically no. He’d cut everything. Says we need to run the country like a business. Oh. Start by laying off a lot of citizens…
My 2 year old son just came in past his bed time. Hard not to watch him since he’s both more entertaining, and would make a better president than anyone on my TV right now…
The Tank (Tancredo) says, no. Follow the Constitution and there’s no problem. You know, I couldn’t tell him apart from Duncan Hunter if I saw them both in a police line-up. Judging by the polls, the American people can’t seem to tell him apart from “Margin of Error.”
Fred says Military, infrastructure. And “Takes a big risk and tells the truth to the American people.” The risk? He’s probably lying…
Next question for everyone, and a good one that they won’t answer. “Who in this country is paying more than their fair share in taxes?” I’m guessing the smart answer you’ll hear is “Republicans.” The answers allowed are upper, middle or lower class.
Al- Essay answer to a multiple choice question. Time warning given.
McCain- Essay. Doesn’t know.
Huckster- 80% of people. Kudos that you didn’t give an essay answer. Too bad your answer wasn’t one of the choices.
Mitt- Middle Class! Actually one of the choices! Mitt here done been to college!
Fred Frankenberry- Takes a cheap shot at Mitt, saying he don’t pay no taxes, chuckle chuckle. Mitt jokes back something just to break Fred’s concentration, which works. Fred jokes that Mitt’s getting to be a better actor, Chuckle chuckle. Rare moment of honesty in there. I seriously doubt that anyone on this stage pays any taxes at all.
Fred also says that 40% of all Americans pay no taxes at all. That is such an outrageous lie that I don’t know where to begin…
Duncan or Tom, oh Tom… selects. I dunno.
Ron Paul says middle class suffers most and that’s EVIL!
Duncan says it’s that other class, the IRS
Rudy shows that they’ve all forgotten the question, but says E, all of the above. My “Republicans” answer was better. These guys should hire me! (Under the table of course… Got a little tax problem…)
And now, each candidate gets 30 free seconds! I hate this! The YouTube debates did the same thing. This isn’t ad time! Put your little canned statement on the Internet like anyone else! If any candidate yields this time, or uses it for “A quick shout out to my homies,” he’s immediately got my vote…
McCain reminds us he’s a vet, has experience, and isn’t very popular.
Duncan Hunter- “Dee-hunt” is also a veteran, and so is his son. Oh, by the way, he’s also a Mexican hating bigot.
Carolyn Washburn looks bored already.
The question is how to keep foreign markets open while blah blah, making sure we’re still richer than God.
Ron Paul gets angry
Mitt understands. Mentions education for the first time tonight.
Huckster blames taxes and regulations hurting industry. Yes… if only we were more like China…
Next question: Should we trade with… what again? Oh. Human rights. Should we give a rat about human rights while making money?
McCain. Sure we should, but no we won’t. Free Trade all the way.
Next question, and now I guess we’re at the annoying point where only one guy answers a question that everyone maybe should, so some guys completely don’t have to answer and some get trapped and there’s no rhyme or reason to the whole thing. Anyway we get to hear what Rudy thinks about NAFTA
6:57pm PST
Rudy doubted it, but now he loves it! Here’s what bugs me most about Rudy. Why does nobody ever mention that he SUCKED when he guest hosted SNL? SUCKED! He gets a free pass for that just for being mayor on 9-11. Sorry pal. Not with me. Worst… Host … EVER!!!
Fred gives a nearly unintelligible answer about NAFTA. “It’s a long complex document” says he in a long convoluted response. Jeezes, this guy is a lightweight.
Tancredo gives Duncan Hunter’s answer. Or is that… Man, this is confusing
Now DeeHunt jumps in and extends my confusion. It’s like giving one guy an extra thirty seconds. Freaky. But together, the two of them can hate twice as many foreigners.
7:00pm PST
Free statement time now for Paul and Frankenberry.
Paul- Liberty is good
Fred’ “What was the question again?”
By the way, did anyone see how he mailed in his performance in “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World?” He had like 5 lines and he still didn’t seem to bother to memorize them. Not Albert Brooks best movie btw, and I’m a fan. However, it’s worth it just for Al’s fake improv schtick. Such a funny bit…
7:01pm
Show of hands time!!
Who believes in Climate change? Wait…
Fred won’t do the hand show! Apparantly there aren’t stage directions in the script. This is a more confrontational moment than when someone says “build a fence along Mexico.” Some idiot in the audience applauds Fred for his courageous stance on this issue.
A few hands go up and everyone talks at once. Well it really isn’t fair. To understand the concept of raising your hand requires at least a kindergarten education…
Rudy and McCain (The Science Posse) say GW is a problem. (GW here refers to Global Warming. The other GW won’t be mentioned much tonight…)
Mitt looks really presidential by begging “Hey give us all a chance to talk… please? My turn! My turn!”
He gets his presidential stature and republican street-cred back in one fell swoop however by blaming foreigners for global warming in his answer.
Alan Keyes uses the global warming question to go on the greatest tangent I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t mention anything about climate, global warming, anything. He talks so crazily that even Fred Thompson is able to zing him by saying “Well there’s Alan Keyes position on global warming…”
By the way, if Bill Clinton is a bit oily, then Mitt Romney is eight gallons of salad dressing.
Huckster jokes “Global Warming? It’s cold outside here in Iowa! Crickets are heard in the auditorium. Oh, and by the way, our govt is responsible for global warming.
7:08pm PST
Duncan Tancredo says something.
Tom Hunter chimes in. Having these two clones chime in back to back on everything really does a disservice to your readers Des Moines Register…
btw Des Moines “Shout out to my homies!” Now there’s a name for a paper!
7:09pm PST
Free time for tacredohuckalopolis.
Tom- Immigrants suck. Shockeroo!
Huck- Founding fathers rool. I wanna be prez, because I like it when ordinary shmoes boss me around. Oh, and I used to be poor.
7:10pm PST
New Topic! Education! (Moderator notes that Iowans say it hasn’t been talked about enough. Iowans know about education? OK, that was a cheap shot…)
We suck at science. What gives?
McCain- More choice and more competition. Charter Schools may fail, but at least then we can blame the students for making bad CHOICES!
Rudy- “Parents should choose the school their child goes to. Colleges are good, because they’re expensive! Get it?”
Duncan Hunter- “Jaime Escalante is a guy I saw in a movie once. If we let people who are uncredentialed teach in our classrooms, some of them might be like him…”
New question: Does the fed gov need to set standards? (For education I’m guessing)
Mitt asks what the rules are. 30 seconds? 60? Real presidential Mitt.
Huckster: the federal govt. can personalize the curriculum for these kids. Um… Wha?
“Unleash weapons of mass Instruction!” He said that. After hearing him say that, many high-schoolers recognized that education is not that important.
The Keyes-ster interrupts to point out, perhaps rightly so, that he hasn’t been asked a question since his diatribe about anything but global warming. The moderator then gives him 30 seconds where everyone else was getting a minute.
This, my friends, is the Republican party in a nutshell. “Katrina? You want us to respond to Katrina? We can ignore a black man who is on stage next to us in a presidential debate! You think we’re gonna respond to some for a lousy hurricane?”
On the other hand, Keyes platform of “Vote for me because nobody wants to give me the time of day” has never been much of a proven winner…
Keyes then goes on for over a minute blaming our education crisis on judges taking God out of the classroom and the fact that kids don’t know “our national creed.” He is impassioned about this. Cricket chirping ensues. The moderator then goes right back to asking Ron Paul the question he’d interrupted, as if Keyes were Mr. Cellophane. Very surreal.
Ron Paul: The problem with education is probably the federal government.
Man, if it weren’t for foreigners, and our government, we’d be in the Garden of Eden right now.
Fred “What was the question again?”
He then blames the NEA. Lousy teachers. Which makes me realize that I left Unions off my list of Republican scape goats.
Tancrunter: “Get rid of the dept. of education.” Yeah that will improve… education.... He says that they cut 80% of the people in the dept, and nobody noticed. Really? The people who got fired didn’t notice? You did make sure they weren’t still showing up for work right? What an ass. Whichever one he is. He then takes a cheap shot at Huckster for wanting art and science taught in school. Dick.
(Yes, I realize that purposely mispronouncing the names of the candidates in this debate is immature much like the way FOX news commentators purposely mispronounce “Achmadinijad”
I apologize for this, and from here on in promise to only refer to Tom Tancredo as “Achmadinijad”)
7:23pm PST
New Question. “What can you accomplish in your first year?”
Rudy: Secure against Islamic terrorism! Are you here tonight Rud, or is that one of those cardboard cutouts with a little voice recorder in it?
Drunken Hunger. Make the military bigger, and get that border fence up!
Ron Paul: End the war. Amen Ron. Too bad you’re batshit insane. (Even a clock that’s broken is right how often?)
Achmininididijad: “Free somebody nobody’s ever heard of. Secure our borders. Kill Islamic people.”
Frankenberry: “Tell people the truth.” (Yeah, that’ll take a year.) Man, this guy knows absolutely nothing.
Mitt: Reign in entitlements and Muslims. Bunch of other stuff he won’t get done.
Huckster: Bring the Country back together. (I assume this involves annexing British Columbia and building a bridge to Hawaii.) But he does finally play his “Hey I’m the only one up here who isn’t a hate-filled bastard card.” Of course he doesn’t believe in evolution…
McCain: Make America safe. BTW, you aren’t safe. Did you know that?
Oh, and restore trust and confidence in your govt. again. Hey, isn’t that what the guy who beat you the last time you ran said HE was going to do?
Big Al. Hey guys! What debate have you been to tonight? I went to one! I think I won! Now I’m going to talk about killing things in the womb and a bunch of crazy nonsense! I’m Alan Keyes ladies and gentlemen! What the hell am I even doing here?
7:30pm PST
Lastly final words. (In other words, we’re Iowa, you need to kiss our asses just one… more… time…)
Mitt: Thanks Iowa! Gosh you people are so nice!
Keyes: Iowa, you suck. You aren’t gonna vote for me. Everything wrong with America is your fault. You’re all going straight to hell! Oh, and Vote for Me!
(A side note. Caucuses are awkward social gatherings, where nobody knows anyone and then has to argue politics with them. They really are difficult, so here’s an ice-breaker Iowans. Go in, and when they ask you who you’re backing, say “Alan Keyes” with as straight a face as possible. Then wait for the awkward moment of silence, then for everyone to bust out laughing. In this way he brings us all together.)
Rudy: (OK, I didn’t want to make the joke in this blog that Rudy only talks about 9-11 and does so ad nauseum, and for the most part I haven’t. I don’t like to go on such overdone comic territory, but with Rudy’s last words he just has to remind us…. I WAS MAYOR ON 9-11!!! Jack-ass. Did I mention that he sucked on SNL?
7:34pm PST
Wait, now we go to some video thing? This debate confuses me. Shouldn’t the last words be the last words? This is surreal and stupid.
Wait, now there’s more? Oh! I had to rewind and figure out what was going on. She didn’t say last words, she said “Last candidate statements.” I guess that refers to the free ad time the candidates get. (See I told you this was a bad idea.) I guess I just wanted it to be over. Wishful thinking on my part….
And last but least, stuff about character:
Rudy: I am not a crook. My awkward laugh should prove that I’m not on the take from mobsters in Dubai…
Keyes: “Be authentic about who you are.” Yes. If you’re crazy, let everyone know.
Oh, and he brings up abortion because even republicans in Iowa don’t seem to care much about it any more. Keyes is the first person to question another candidate about it. I find that interesting.
Mitt: Keyes just said something about me, and I don’t care.
Mitt finally invokes the name of both Reagan and GW Bush. Only took an hour and a half.
It’s here that my DVR quits. They went over. Shockeroo. Fortunetely, I had the wherewithal to record the post-debate wrap up.
Freddy Thompson: Should we nuke Iran? Do you believe the intel that you’ll get as president? Freddy blames bureaucrats. I’m tired.
More video now. I’m not gonna comment on them. They’re monumentally stupid.
At this point I’m officially fast forwarding through to see exactly how long this goes on. Ah Jeezes. 12 more minutes. I’m gonna go dream about this a little and come back to this tomorrow… Man, do I not want to dream about Mitt Romney. Let’s hope my sleep is Tancredo-lishus!
OK. I’m awake and have recovered enough energy to watch the rest of the debate. I looked for any coverage that might bother to point out that Fred Thompson was talking out of his butt when he said that 40% of Americans pay no taxes, and instead found USA Today reporting that he won the debate! Way to go McPaper! A big hand for our free and watchful media everybody!
OK. I’m back now for the final twelve minutes. Thank God for DVR’s. I never would have made it in one sitting…
Huckster gets asked about his faith and how it changes his policies. He sounds like a hybrid breeding project between Jesus and Thomas Jefferson as he avoids the question.
Mitt is asked whether it’s more important to be fiscally or socially conservative and answers with a question that only he laughs at. Life just seems like an inside joke to him.
He then goes on to defray issues about his religion by saying that his official religion is “Conservatism.” (No, nobody really said that, but somebody should…)
Thunkin’ Dunter is asked the same question and is caught either sleeping or thinking about someone else. He’s so dull except for variations of his name. Hunkin’ Thunder is what I’d go by if I were him…
7:40-something. I’ve stopped caring. All times are unofficial from this point
Last pointless video. Mittster repeats the litany that Judges shouldn’t be allowed to judge. Thompson rails against consumerism and sets off irony alarms everywhere.
Achmadinijihad goes into a clash of civilization diatribe about Iraq. He was asked why his website only says five sentences about Iraq. He is given thirty seconds to explain this. Honest.
7:42
Ron Paul is called a “revolutionary” by the moderator. Look lady, just because someone’s ideas won’t work, doesn’t make them new.
McCain talks about Compromise and how he just looked up what the word meant.
7:44
Biggest laugh of the night comes when Carolyn asks the candidates to give new year’s resolutions to other candidates. We start with Alan Keyes… this should be good.
Alan resolves to keep repeating the same sentence he’s spouted all night.
McCain: “Lets resolve not to accuse each other of a lack of patriotism.” Why are new year’s resolutions so hard to keep?
Huckster: Responds to the wrong question. Covers with a “Joke-toid” A word I just made up for something that really isn’t a joke, but political candidates will laugh at nonetheless.
Mitttster resolves to slander democrats.
Fred also answers the wrong question
Achminidinijihad tries a bit late to ask Huckster a question. “Whoops! I forgot I’m polling at zero percent, and that I should attack the new front-runner. Mulligan!”
He can’t even get the question into his 15-second time frame, let alone the answer. We just move on.
“Just move on” is an accurate theme for the evening. It’s almost like everyone has just agreed that nobody is watching this debate (except poor me!) and let’s just get it over with. It’s amazing how many times rebuttals were just skipped, time was called and uncomfortable silences were just ignored and the next question asked. Even the paper sponsoring the debate really didn’t give any coverage to it the day after. They’d just moved on to the Democrats. So sad.
Ron Paul resolves to read the Constitution.
Thunk Dunk resolves to buy American.
Rudy resolves to not be pessimistic and reminds us about 9-11.
And thank God we’re out! Why in hell did I ever agree to do this! Never again! This is… Oh crap, I promised to do the Democrats tomorrow. Nuts.
Oh, and as for post-show spin CSPAN-2 actually wasn’t bad. They showed some of the FOX post-show spin and pointed out the errors Fox made. Not that it will make a difference.
See you next week with a belated Democrat’s debate diary.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Weird Cartoon "History" of Mormonism
Well, this must be true, since it's a cartoon...
No, I didn't produce this, nor do I know who did, but it is so high on the unintentional comedy scale, I had to blog it for posterity. Warning, this will likely offend anyone who is Mormon... or... human...
And speaking of Mitt Romney and unintentional comedy, I'm going to be blogging a running diary of tonight's Republican debate! So look for that in the next day or so.
No, I didn't produce this, nor do I know who did, but it is so high on the unintentional comedy scale, I had to blog it for posterity. Warning, this will likely offend anyone who is Mormon... or... human...
And speaking of Mitt Romney and unintentional comedy, I'm going to be blogging a running diary of tonight's Republican debate! So look for that in the next day or so.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
If Jesus Were Here
Here's some more video for you. I hope to put up chords and lyrics later this week.
Oh, and if you want to see more and vote for Winlar's Internet stardom, go to www.funnyordie.com/winlar.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Ladder to the Moon
LADDER TO THE MOON
by Winlar + GT
C, A7, F, Fmin C
I'll build you a ladder to the moonLove will make it all possible, still
Don't you expect it all that soon
But I know my love can and will
Although the actual realities of building such a project are astronomical
And not in the colloquial sense but involve planetary bodies
An incredibly long distance apart in outer space
and the thought of connecting them through primitive technology
like a ladder is preposterous
And presenting such a plan to any serious engineer
Would make him balk and scoff and call you names
But still I'm gonna try to
Build you a ladder to the moon
Love will make it all possible, still
Don't you expect it all that soon
But I know my love can and will
Build you a ladder to the moon
Although before getting started it's important to note that
The orbital bodies in question are not stationary fixed points in space
But rather spinning in constant motion
From inertial forces which it's theorized
Began during their creation as the orbs coalesced from hot debris
So no conceivable straight line can be drawn between two fixed points on each
The very notion is true lunacy
But still I'm gonna try to
Build you a ladder to the moon
Love will make it all possible, still
Don't you expect it all that soon
But I know my love can and will
Build you a ladder to the moon
Though also not to be downplayed is the likely social outcry
As we dedicate vast resources which some think 'twere better spent
On social programs, third world debt, or reparations for slavery
Always a thorny issue
But perhaps we'll put perspective on that controversy
When we walk out into the vast abyss of outer space
(Despite the lack of oxygen)
And use my love to climb up to the stars and beyond
On my ladder to the moon
Love will make it all possible, still
Go ahead expect it all that soon
But I know my love can and will
But I know my love can and will
But I know my love can and will
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Seventy Freakin' Beers
All right. So there’s an email circulating that makes a very bogus argument supporting Bush tax cuts for the wealthy, so I felt the need to refute a little bit. (Or a lot) It’s a lengthy read, but I tried to keep it entertaining. The pervasive email is first, with my comments in purple prose as usual, then I have a counter-metaphor right after, plus some comments.
Anyway, here’s the original email:
Bar Stool Economics
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do.
(Quick Winlar note. I honestly have no idea if this scenario is accurate. I couldn't find any source to corroborate using such a simplistic breakdown. It’s certainly spin to some extent. The implication is that 40% of the US population pays no income tax, which my IRS auditor insists just isn’t true.)
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so: The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
(Winlar note here. Yeah, I know. This comes out to $79) See below.)
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!' 'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' 'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
(OK. Another jump in. This “The rich may get up and leave” argument always strikes me as an odd bluff, because quite frankly, where the heck are they really gonna go? England? Canada? If they don’t like the tax rate here, are they ever in for a shock! They’re going to go down to Mexico? South America? Then why are they so afraid of Mexico coming up here? I’ve never had this sufficiently explained.)
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics University of Georgia
(Very important! This article was NOT written by David R. Kamerschen! He’s denied it. So have all the other PhD’s to whom it’s been accredited.
http://www.snopes.com/business/taxes/howtaxes.asp
So apologies to him. Nobody knows who wrote this. Probably not a PhD or anyone who can add to 80.)
For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible
(OK, and I’ll comment on this tagline as well real quick. It’s the equivalent of saying “If you don’t agree with me, you must be stupid.” Sure seems to close the door to any debate and subsequent education. Where does one even begin to enlighten such a closed-minded individual? Well, right here.)
Here’s a better story. (by Winlar)
10 guys go into a bar where beers are a buck a pop. That’s a really good price for beer. God bless America.
The first four guys have to work in the morning, so they each only have a tiny sip of beer. (about 5 thousandths of a beer, if you’re being scientific. Get your eye-dropper out and try this at home!)
The fifth and sixth have to drive, so they have 2.3 beers each. Probably more than they should, but they are large men and have full stomachs, so I guess it’s OK.
The seventh and eighth guys knock off an even 6 pack each.
The ninth guy slays a half-rack, plus half another beer.
Leaving the tenth guy to polish off… 70.88 beers. Which he does. It’s freakin’ amazing! Nobody needs that much beer, nobody should drink that much beer, and… good god, the dude just polished of seventy freakin’ beers!
So then it’s time to pay up the tab.
For some reason the 10th guy throws in 59 bucks. 83 cents a beer. Does he think he’s getting a discount for buying in bulk? I dunno.
The 9th guy pays 18 bucks. $1.44 a beer
The 7th and 8th guys pay a total 19 bucks $1.58 a beer
The 5th and 6th guys pay a total 4 bucks. 87 cents a beer.
The 1st through 4th guys had so little beer that their cost was incalculable. They do chip in for the tip though, and EVENLY SPLIT THE SALES TAX. This is important. These guys DO CHIP IN THEIR SHARE.
Now here’s the weird part. At this point, the bartender inexplicably gives them 20 dollars back, even though the bar tab was actually $103 and the group ALREADY OWES 400 DOLLARS, that they’ll likely just ask their children to pay. But I digress.
So they did some fuzzy math and determined that now they’d split it this way.
10th guy 49 bucks (69 cents a beer. Keep in mind that it’s DOLLAR beer night.)
9th guy 14 bucks (89 cents a beer)
7th and 8th paid 14 bucks total. (89 cents a beer)
5th and 6th 2 bucks (47 cents a beer)
1st through 4th continued to look on with unbridled sobriety.
(Again, yeah, this comes out to 79 bucks, but I’m not the idiot who did the original math in the first parable. Blame them.)
Wow! This was cool! Nobody was paying full price for beer! Sure, the beer had to be watered down, and fear that the beer would run out caused federal agents to wiretap the bar, and they tortured a couple guys for no real good reason, but I’d say it was a pretty good deal.
Except the 10th through 5th guy decided that it was unfair that the first four guys paid nothing. (Even though they actually did, in fact, pay something. I can’t stress this enough.)
“There’s 2 hundredths of a beer missing! (Even though it wasn’t) Why should I be paying for their endless sipping?” Slurred the 10th man. Again, how he is even able to stand at this point is a wonder. 70 freakin’ beers!!!
“We’ve been pouring your beer all night.” Replied the first four men. “I mean, without our pouring, you wouldn’t have been able to drink the 99.98 beers you all had tonight. Especially you and your 70 beers. We’ve been propping you up!” (Ah! Mystery solved!) “Who has time to drink when we’re so busy pouring? The only drops we get are the ones that ‘trickle down’ out of your glass!” (See how the author got ‘trickle down’ in there? That, my friends, is creativity and wit…) “It’s mostly backwash. Besides, we actually did chip in, it’s just that our total came to less than a cent, so…”
“Deadbeats! Everyone should kick in 10 bucks each! We’re all sitting in the same bar aren’t we? Fair is fair!” said one of them, probably not the 10th guy because, come on, how can he even do math at this point? Let’s say it was the 8th guy. He hasn’t done much so far.
“Yes! A flat tax-- er, payment system for our beer. Yeah. That’s it. Who cares how much you consumed! It’s the privilege of sitting in the bar you should pay for!” said, I dunno, the 7th guy?
“The privilege of watching you slam 70 beers?” Said guy 2.
“Yeah, love it or leave it!” said, let’s say the 6th guy.
“But we already paid a cover charge at the state and local level,” said guys one through 4, the metaphor starting to break down all over the place.
“Illegal immigrants!! It’s all the fault of illegal immigrants!” said… we’ll go with number 9 this time.
“My great grand-parents were born in this bar! I’m not going anywhere.” Shouted the 1st through 4th with a concerted voice, that, were this not just a metaphor, would be completely impossible for the segment of the populace they represent. Would that they could. Oh would that they could...
“There are no illegal immigrants in this metaphor!”
“It’s a bar! Who is washing the dishes then?”
“Good point,” everyone agreed.
Suddenly in a drunken rage, the 10th man jumped on a table. “Cheese sticks!” He screamed! “Cheese sticks! I must have some cheese sticks!”
And so they invaded Iraq.
THE END.
So what have we learned?
One, we learned that the metaphor plays both ways. Sure, it’s unfair that one guy pays more than everyone else, but it’s also unfair the one guy HAS more than everyone else. And, if you gain nothing else from this parable, it’s that the wealthiest guy is paying less than a buck a beer. Much less after the tax cut.
And that’s if we honestly believe that the system really breaks down like that, but it doesn’t. Warren Buffett expressed outrage that his 60k a year secretary pays the same tax rate he does. He, who is worth in excess of 50 billion dollars. (He pays taxes on his salary of $46 million) A rate of 17.7 percent. The high end tax rate is supposed to be 35%, but I guess only suckers pay that. Kudos to Mr. Buffett for showing his outrage to this:
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/money/tax/article1996735.ece
(At a $4600 a plate political fundraiser no less. Gee, there’s a level of political involvement we can all take part in! Much cheaper than the $35,000 needed just to get on the Republican ballot in ONE STATE. Yes. The more money you have, the more democracy you get. So let’s not take income disparity too lightly.)
And, lest anyone gripe about the 35% high end tax, did you know that in 1939 it was as high as 75%? That it soon after went to 91%? That it stayed there until 1964? But then again, that was different than now. There was a war on then… on two fronts… and… Do you see why I mentioned Iraq at the end? Well, anyway the point being is that the nation didn’t collapse. In fact we won a world war, became a superpower, and created network television! All despite Eisenhower’s socialist leanings.
This metaphor gets even worse when it’s a hundred guys in the bar. Then 1 guy (this time one percent of the US population.) drinks 38 beers while 40 guys share one fifth of a beer. The thought of sharing one fifth of a beer with forty guys makes me downright suicidal. One half the country has but 2.8% of the wealth.
And before I hear those arguments about “The wealthy deserve their money because they work harder than everyone else, and who are you to dispute what is clearly God’s will,” Let me just say “shut it!” That might have been true in hunter-gatherer societies, but we’re like 4 economic systems beyond that already. Yes, some of the wealthy are innovative industrious people, but others are Congressmen, television executives and Paris Hilton. There is no correlation between societal worth and income. Let’s stop relegating cops, fire fighters and school teachers to second-class citizenship because they simply aren’t greedy enough.
Lastly, I'm sure that someone will make the specious argument that I think everyone should make the same amount of money in this country. Uh, no. I'm no Communist, I'm no Socialist, I'm a Capitalist and THE PRICE OF A BEER IS A DOLLAR!!! The tab won't get paid if the people drinking the most are getting the biggest discount and paying less than cost. That's bad business plain and simple.
Other various problems I have with the “Bar Stool Economics” case. In no particular order:
-First off, the USA is not a bar. Germany, now there's a bar! (Italy btw is a bistro, Turkey is a great little out of the way place that nobody knows about, and Mozambique, oddly enough, is a Chinese take-out place.) America is more like a... gay rodeo for reasons I won't go into right here.
-The article focuses on only federal income taxes, not state and local taxes, property taxes, sales tax, etc. In the state of Washington, the poorest 20% pay 17.1% of their incomes in state taxes. The wealthiest 1% pays 3.6% of their incomes.
Plus, every time federal taxes are cut, states pick up the slack, so in this way the bottom 4 are indeed paying for that 20% cut.
And all of this egregiously leaves out the skewed rate of taxes on investment as opposed to earnings. http://www.ctj.org/pdf/earnpr.pdf
But I'm not going to spend a lot of time delving into the simplistic math of the original metaphor, as the original author (whoever that may be) didn't either.
-Again, the a general implication that 40 percent of the US population just sits around in a bar all day drinking and not paying for it. That's kind of insulting to... everybody. There should be some mention that the first guy is working 14 hours a day at minimum wage and really isn't able to join his friends too often. Yes my friends, most of the poor work:
http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/myths.html
http://anitraweb.org/homelessness/columns/anitra/eightmyths.html
-When the 10th guy pukes, who cleans it up? (hint: It isn't the 10th guy. Second hint: It isn't the 9th guy.)
-In this scenario, one guy owns 78.7% of all stocks, mutual funds, and retirement accounts.
-Imagine that the owner, the bartender and the 10th guy are all the same guy. They get to set the bar hours, decide what drinks are served, set the prices, gut the environment and go to war with other bars. Now the metaphor rings closer to reality...
-In a real bar, the bartender doesn't collect the bar tab, then turn around and give most of the money back to one of the guys. Lord knows I have waited for this to happen. But government (the bartender) does exactly that and most of the money goes to that tenth guy. (And when government borrows, it borrows from that tenth guy too. It then pays interest to that tenth guy.)
-No tip? We're such a cheap country...
-When angry bikers attack the bar, it's always the first four guys who put their asses on the line to defend the bar, while the 9th and 10th guy cower under a bar stool.
(This wasn't always the case, even as far as just a generation ago. All four famous Kennedy sons served in the military, none of the 30 Kennedy cousins have.) Is the blood of soldiers not negotiable currency in this bar?
-Don't forget that half the tab goes to paying the bouncer. That's what we're putting into defense. He keeps the guys from other bars from coming in and taking all the 10 guys' money. Hmm. Who benefits most from this?
-So, they beat up the 10th guy, then they can't pay the tab when he doesn't show? The flaw doesn't seem to be that they beat the guy up, but that they forgot to take his wallet. Easily corrected. (I mean, if they're going to equate an equitable tax structure with socialism, get it right!)
-America is spending too much time and money in the stinkin' bar. Liberals are just saying that it's time we spend more of both at home with the kids.
So there you have it. The nation's problems once again solved.
Yours truly,
Henry Kissinger
PS: Some links and thanks:
www.askquestions.org/articles/taxes/
www.ctj.org/html/whopays.htm
www.therationalradical.com/dsep/wealth-distribution.htm
Thanks to everyone from these websites.
Keep fighting the good fight.
See you next week.
--Winlar
Anyway, here’s the original email:
Bar Stool Economics
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do.
(Quick Winlar note. I honestly have no idea if this scenario is accurate. I couldn't find any source to corroborate using such a simplistic breakdown. It’s certainly spin to some extent. The implication is that 40% of the US population pays no income tax, which my IRS auditor insists just isn’t true.)
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so: The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
(Winlar note here. Yeah, I know. This comes out to $79) See below.)
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!' 'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' 'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
(OK. Another jump in. This “The rich may get up and leave” argument always strikes me as an odd bluff, because quite frankly, where the heck are they really gonna go? England? Canada? If they don’t like the tax rate here, are they ever in for a shock! They’re going to go down to Mexico? South America? Then why are they so afraid of Mexico coming up here? I’ve never had this sufficiently explained.)
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics University of Georgia
(Very important! This article was NOT written by David R. Kamerschen! He’s denied it. So have all the other PhD’s to whom it’s been accredited.
http://www.snopes.com/business/taxes/howtaxes.asp
So apologies to him. Nobody knows who wrote this. Probably not a PhD or anyone who can add to 80.)
For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible
(OK, and I’ll comment on this tagline as well real quick. It’s the equivalent of saying “If you don’t agree with me, you must be stupid.” Sure seems to close the door to any debate and subsequent education. Where does one even begin to enlighten such a closed-minded individual? Well, right here.)
Here’s a better story. (by Winlar)
10 guys go into a bar where beers are a buck a pop. That’s a really good price for beer. God bless America.
The first four guys have to work in the morning, so they each only have a tiny sip of beer. (about 5 thousandths of a beer, if you’re being scientific. Get your eye-dropper out and try this at home!)
The fifth and sixth have to drive, so they have 2.3 beers each. Probably more than they should, but they are large men and have full stomachs, so I guess it’s OK.
The seventh and eighth guys knock off an even 6 pack each.
The ninth guy slays a half-rack, plus half another beer.
Leaving the tenth guy to polish off… 70.88 beers. Which he does. It’s freakin’ amazing! Nobody needs that much beer, nobody should drink that much beer, and… good god, the dude just polished of seventy freakin’ beers!
So then it’s time to pay up the tab.
For some reason the 10th guy throws in 59 bucks. 83 cents a beer. Does he think he’s getting a discount for buying in bulk? I dunno.
The 9th guy pays 18 bucks. $1.44 a beer
The 7th and 8th guys pay a total 19 bucks $1.58 a beer
The 5th and 6th guys pay a total 4 bucks. 87 cents a beer.
The 1st through 4th guys had so little beer that their cost was incalculable. They do chip in for the tip though, and EVENLY SPLIT THE SALES TAX. This is important. These guys DO CHIP IN THEIR SHARE.
Now here’s the weird part. At this point, the bartender inexplicably gives them 20 dollars back, even though the bar tab was actually $103 and the group ALREADY OWES 400 DOLLARS, that they’ll likely just ask their children to pay. But I digress.
So they did some fuzzy math and determined that now they’d split it this way.
10th guy 49 bucks (69 cents a beer. Keep in mind that it’s DOLLAR beer night.)
9th guy 14 bucks (89 cents a beer)
7th and 8th paid 14 bucks total. (89 cents a beer)
5th and 6th 2 bucks (47 cents a beer)
1st through 4th continued to look on with unbridled sobriety.
(Again, yeah, this comes out to 79 bucks, but I’m not the idiot who did the original math in the first parable. Blame them.)
Wow! This was cool! Nobody was paying full price for beer! Sure, the beer had to be watered down, and fear that the beer would run out caused federal agents to wiretap the bar, and they tortured a couple guys for no real good reason, but I’d say it was a pretty good deal.
Except the 10th through 5th guy decided that it was unfair that the first four guys paid nothing. (Even though they actually did, in fact, pay something. I can’t stress this enough.)
“There’s 2 hundredths of a beer missing! (Even though it wasn’t) Why should I be paying for their endless sipping?” Slurred the 10th man. Again, how he is even able to stand at this point is a wonder. 70 freakin’ beers!!!
“We’ve been pouring your beer all night.” Replied the first four men. “I mean, without our pouring, you wouldn’t have been able to drink the 99.98 beers you all had tonight. Especially you and your 70 beers. We’ve been propping you up!” (Ah! Mystery solved!) “Who has time to drink when we’re so busy pouring? The only drops we get are the ones that ‘trickle down’ out of your glass!” (See how the author got ‘trickle down’ in there? That, my friends, is creativity and wit…) “It’s mostly backwash. Besides, we actually did chip in, it’s just that our total came to less than a cent, so…”
“Deadbeats! Everyone should kick in 10 bucks each! We’re all sitting in the same bar aren’t we? Fair is fair!” said one of them, probably not the 10th guy because, come on, how can he even do math at this point? Let’s say it was the 8th guy. He hasn’t done much so far.
“Yes! A flat tax-- er, payment system for our beer. Yeah. That’s it. Who cares how much you consumed! It’s the privilege of sitting in the bar you should pay for!” said, I dunno, the 7th guy?
“The privilege of watching you slam 70 beers?” Said guy 2.
“Yeah, love it or leave it!” said, let’s say the 6th guy.
“But we already paid a cover charge at the state and local level,” said guys one through 4, the metaphor starting to break down all over the place.
“Illegal immigrants!! It’s all the fault of illegal immigrants!” said… we’ll go with number 9 this time.
“My great grand-parents were born in this bar! I’m not going anywhere.” Shouted the 1st through 4th with a concerted voice, that, were this not just a metaphor, would be completely impossible for the segment of the populace they represent. Would that they could. Oh would that they could...
“There are no illegal immigrants in this metaphor!”
“It’s a bar! Who is washing the dishes then?”
“Good point,” everyone agreed.
Suddenly in a drunken rage, the 10th man jumped on a table. “Cheese sticks!” He screamed! “Cheese sticks! I must have some cheese sticks!”
And so they invaded Iraq.
THE END.
So what have we learned?
One, we learned that the metaphor plays both ways. Sure, it’s unfair that one guy pays more than everyone else, but it’s also unfair the one guy HAS more than everyone else. And, if you gain nothing else from this parable, it’s that the wealthiest guy is paying less than a buck a beer. Much less after the tax cut.
And that’s if we honestly believe that the system really breaks down like that, but it doesn’t. Warren Buffett expressed outrage that his 60k a year secretary pays the same tax rate he does. He, who is worth in excess of 50 billion dollars. (He pays taxes on his salary of $46 million) A rate of 17.7 percent. The high end tax rate is supposed to be 35%, but I guess only suckers pay that. Kudos to Mr. Buffett for showing his outrage to this:
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/money/tax/article1996735.ece
(At a $4600 a plate political fundraiser no less. Gee, there’s a level of political involvement we can all take part in! Much cheaper than the $35,000 needed just to get on the Republican ballot in ONE STATE. Yes. The more money you have, the more democracy you get. So let’s not take income disparity too lightly.)
And, lest anyone gripe about the 35% high end tax, did you know that in 1939 it was as high as 75%? That it soon after went to 91%? That it stayed there until 1964? But then again, that was different than now. There was a war on then… on two fronts… and… Do you see why I mentioned Iraq at the end? Well, anyway the point being is that the nation didn’t collapse. In fact we won a world war, became a superpower, and created network television! All despite Eisenhower’s socialist leanings.
This metaphor gets even worse when it’s a hundred guys in the bar. Then 1 guy (this time one percent of the US population.) drinks 38 beers while 40 guys share one fifth of a beer. The thought of sharing one fifth of a beer with forty guys makes me downright suicidal. One half the country has but 2.8% of the wealth.
And before I hear those arguments about “The wealthy deserve their money because they work harder than everyone else, and who are you to dispute what is clearly God’s will,” Let me just say “shut it!” That might have been true in hunter-gatherer societies, but we’re like 4 economic systems beyond that already. Yes, some of the wealthy are innovative industrious people, but others are Congressmen, television executives and Paris Hilton. There is no correlation between societal worth and income. Let’s stop relegating cops, fire fighters and school teachers to second-class citizenship because they simply aren’t greedy enough.
Lastly, I'm sure that someone will make the specious argument that I think everyone should make the same amount of money in this country. Uh, no. I'm no Communist, I'm no Socialist, I'm a Capitalist and THE PRICE OF A BEER IS A DOLLAR!!! The tab won't get paid if the people drinking the most are getting the biggest discount and paying less than cost. That's bad business plain and simple.
Other various problems I have with the “Bar Stool Economics” case. In no particular order:
-First off, the USA is not a bar. Germany, now there's a bar! (Italy btw is a bistro, Turkey is a great little out of the way place that nobody knows about, and Mozambique, oddly enough, is a Chinese take-out place.) America is more like a... gay rodeo for reasons I won't go into right here.
-The article focuses on only federal income taxes, not state and local taxes, property taxes, sales tax, etc. In the state of Washington, the poorest 20% pay 17.1% of their incomes in state taxes. The wealthiest 1% pays 3.6% of their incomes.
Plus, every time federal taxes are cut, states pick up the slack, so in this way the bottom 4 are indeed paying for that 20% cut.
And all of this egregiously leaves out the skewed rate of taxes on investment as opposed to earnings. http://www.ctj.org/pdf/earnpr.pdf
But I'm not going to spend a lot of time delving into the simplistic math of the original metaphor, as the original author (whoever that may be) didn't either.
-Again, the a general implication that 40 percent of the US population just sits around in a bar all day drinking and not paying for it. That's kind of insulting to... everybody. There should be some mention that the first guy is working 14 hours a day at minimum wage and really isn't able to join his friends too often. Yes my friends, most of the poor work:
http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/myths.html
http://anitraweb.org/homelessness/columns/anitra/eightmyths.html
-When the 10th guy pukes, who cleans it up? (hint: It isn't the 10th guy. Second hint: It isn't the 9th guy.)
-In this scenario, one guy owns 78.7% of all stocks, mutual funds, and retirement accounts.
-Imagine that the owner, the bartender and the 10th guy are all the same guy. They get to set the bar hours, decide what drinks are served, set the prices, gut the environment and go to war with other bars. Now the metaphor rings closer to reality...
-In a real bar, the bartender doesn't collect the bar tab, then turn around and give most of the money back to one of the guys. Lord knows I have waited for this to happen. But government (the bartender) does exactly that and most of the money goes to that tenth guy. (And when government borrows, it borrows from that tenth guy too. It then pays interest to that tenth guy.)
-No tip? We're such a cheap country...
-When angry bikers attack the bar, it's always the first four guys who put their asses on the line to defend the bar, while the 9th and 10th guy cower under a bar stool.
(This wasn't always the case, even as far as just a generation ago. All four famous Kennedy sons served in the military, none of the 30 Kennedy cousins have.) Is the blood of soldiers not negotiable currency in this bar?
-Don't forget that half the tab goes to paying the bouncer. That's what we're putting into defense. He keeps the guys from other bars from coming in and taking all the 10 guys' money. Hmm. Who benefits most from this?
-So, they beat up the 10th guy, then they can't pay the tab when he doesn't show? The flaw doesn't seem to be that they beat the guy up, but that they forgot to take his wallet. Easily corrected. (I mean, if they're going to equate an equitable tax structure with socialism, get it right!)
-America is spending too much time and money in the stinkin' bar. Liberals are just saying that it's time we spend more of both at home with the kids.
So there you have it. The nation's problems once again solved.
Yours truly,
Henry Kissinger
PS: Some links and thanks:
www.askquestions.org/articles/taxes/
www.ctj.org/html/whopays.htm
www.therationalradical.com/dsep/wealth-distribution.htm
Thanks to everyone from these websites.
Keep fighting the good fight.
See you next week.
--Winlar
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)