Which Mass Shooting?

Which Mass Shooting

By Winlar

All of this hollerion’ All of this hooting

Would not have prevented that recent mass shooting!

Alll of these measures

All this invective

I’ll guarantee nothing would have been effective

All these solutions

All that you’ve dropped

No how now way that they would have stopped

Those tragic events

There isn’t a doubt

Wait… 

Which mass shooting are we talking about?

Background checks?

Banning of guns?

What crimes would they stop? Not this one!

America’s diff’rent

Unique among lands

Your solution’s no better than throwing up hands

It wouldn’t have worked

This idea you’ve thrown out

Wait…

Which mass shooting are we talking about?

You know the one

The one that I mean

I think it involves an AR 15

Wielded and eas’ly obtained by a teen

To make mass bloodshed

Cruel and obscene

Yes that one, no that one

No not that one no

The one that just happened

Weeks days hours ago

Damn, now I’m confused

Can’t figure it out

Wait,...

Which mass shooting are we talking about?

Oh it doesn’t matter

All these reforms

None ‘vum will make us

Stray from this norm

When all’s said and done

When all’s done and said

We’re impotent trying to cut down the bloodshed

So let’s only, let’s only let gun laws soften

And maybe… just… maybe… they’ll happen less often?

There’s no other path, we’re stuck on this route

Wait…

Which mass shooting are we talking about?

Safe. Legal. And none your goddamned bus'ness!

 Safe. Legal. And NONE YOUR GODDAMNED BUS’NESS!

Well these are quite the times, we heard a ruling about Roe

The Christian nationalists on the SCOTUS gave it the heave ho

And since nobody asked me lately

If I would opine

On what my take on this whole issue is

Well, OK, fine

Since you haven’t asked

And since, I am a straight white male

I know you need my take on this post haste,

So without fail:

My opinion on abortion?

Well here it is, bear witness

It should be Safe, Legal,

And none your goddamned bus’ness

Don’t call yourself pro-liberty

If your government watches

And weilds sovereignty over

What we do with all our crotches

Especially if’n you’re livin’ down there in a southern state

With higher infant mortality

Than Leb’non or Kuwait (look it up)

Yeah third world rates of infant death

Here In the US Skippy

So don’t claim your pro-life

(I’m lookin’ at YOU Mississippi)

None of which will be helped by these laws

All of the like’ll

Put dumb criminal penalties upon the menstrual cycle

Here’s the take away in case you still somehow ain’t gettin’ dis’

Safe. Legal

And None your goddamned bizness

Br.

Are we really gonna try to numerate and try keep pegs

One what a female does with her each and every egg?

Cause then, equality!! Keep track where my sperms all go!

Cause frankly sirs, that info, you don’t wanna fuckin’ know!

(It’s really quite astounding, someone might wan’ call Guiness)

Safe, Legal

And none your goddamned bus’ness

So let’s take abortion and maybe

not let it make us tribal

Let’s not mention it even once.

You know, just like the bible?

(Doesn’t mention the word once

In its whole  long-winded thesis

Not by Moses, not by Joshua

Or certainly not Jesus)

This right should be sacrosanct

And it should keep it on goin’

As does your right to shut up

And leave well enough alone

As when it comes to gay marriage

Or a person’s contraception

The  mind your own bidness rule

Continues to apply without exception

So don’t bring legislators

To try get all up in this

Just make it Safe. Legal.

And none of your goddamned bus’ness

Illegal Immigrants

Somebody stole my hat

It was a nice one at that

Custom made and signed

Truly one of a kind

So I found my rich friend

Who I go see now and again

And when the two of us met

My hat was on his head

I’d caught him red-handed

Lame hat-stealing bandit.

So I asked him “did he know

Who might’a stolen my chapeau?”

He thought of it a while

Then looked at me and smiled

He said “Oh, yes, your hat!

I do know all bout that…

‘

It. Was.

Illegal immigrants musta been

Illegal immigrants

Two thirds of the world’s riches

Are owned by them sumbitches

Illegal immigrants musta been

Illegal immigrants

Between them and ISIS

They caused the mortgage crisis

Illegal immigrants musta been

Illegal immigrants

Blame them and don’t blame me

I did not find his story

Quite Satisfactory

I mean, as previously said

My ding danged hat was on his head

I couldn’t understand

Why This corporate suck hat stand

hadn’t really even hid

After he’d purloined my lid

The crime it seemed so brazen

His lying pants emblazoned

It sucks when one you trust’s

Trousers spontan’ously combust

Didn’t seem to bother him

He just looked at me grim

Said he’d done all he can

Then muttered “migrant caravan”

Full of...

Illegal immigrants musta been

Illegal immigrants

They sneak in after dark and

Control the global markets

Illegal immigrants

Had to be illegal immigrants

The Panama papers 

Are full of them there capers

Illegal immigrants musta been

Illegal immigrants

Blame ‘em and don’t blame me!

I knew I couldn’t win

So I left the hat with him

Like all other things it went

Right on up to the one percent

Of potential repercussions

There would be no more discussion

He donned the hat of theft

And tipped it to me as he left

Then he threw it on a scrap heap

Built of tons of other caps he

Very clearly didn’t need

A hat-themed monument to greed

These aristocrats

They’ll always wind up with our hats

As long as we let these rich cats

Feed us this crap that’s total bats

Like how it’s always:

Illegal Immigrants

It’s always illegal immigrants

Them and that George Soros

They got it in for us

Illegal immigrants

Had to be Illegal immigrants

Ya’ know, they run the world

Look over there! Squirrel!

Illegal immigrants musta been

Illegal immigrants

Blame them for everything

Failure

Failure

by Winlar

1/6/2022

Failing is learning!

You should fail every day!

Fail fail fail

Every how, every way!

You have to fail to improve

Failing is no crime

Failing just means doing

Better the next time!

By all means fail!

Keep on failing ‘til you get it!

(Unless you’re over 50

Then, damn, it’s just pathetic…)

Losing is improving!

Losing means you learn!

Losing sparks a fire deep inside you

That will burn

Burn and make you better

Don’t let it get you rattled!

Losing means you tried!

Losing means you battled!

Never fear the losses

They’ll turn you into a bruiser!

(Unless you’re over 50

Then, yeah, you’re just a loser…)

Trying is everything!

Trying’s what you need!

Try try try!

You’ve got to to succeed!

You miss the shots you do not take

You lose the games not played!

So take the shot and win the game

Hooray hooray hooray!

Try new things! Meet new people!

Adventure on! Rock steady!

(Unless you’re over 50

Dude, give it a rest already…)

Test my Corpse for Covid!

 Test My Corpse For Covid

by Winlar

Sore throat, tight chest, coughing

Whole lot of fatigue

Do you think it’s Covid?

Oh, I’m sure you’re all intrigued

I should sure get tested

Find out what’s the deal

So I’ll make the next appointment in…

Two weeks? Can that be real?

Yep, the testing’s backlogged

From everything I’ve read

By the time I get one I’ll

Either be healed up or dead

So…

Test my corpse for covid!

Would you please my love?

I will be so reassured

To know just what I died of

Test my corpse for covid!

If you’re so disposed

Hope when they’re available

I’m not too decomposed…

Oh I know, I’ll just pick up

Take home tests from the store

I’m so sure it will be worth

The twenty thirty bucks or more

So I’m off to get one

At my local shop

Since the website couldn’t be bothered

To tell me they’re out of stock

Sure enough the friendly staffer says

“Golly, shucks, gee whiz”

I told her, “Hey no worries!

Except, well now you’re too at risk…”

Test my corpse for covid!

Once the tests arrive

That is if they come while 

Anyone’s still left alive

Test my corpse for covid!

Won’t you please my dear?

There should be some incoming

In the pandemic’s fourth year

I still trust the system

No ifs ands or maybes

Though it’s better suited

To delivering beanie babies

I’m sure we will work this out

And get it all corrected

We’ll have much more urgency 

Once everyone’s infected

Que sera sera you know

Whatever will be will be

That’s the attitude

I’m sharing with the CDC!

Test my corpse for covid!

Though I’ve turned to mulch

I’ll fin’ly have 48 hours

To wait for the results!

Test my corpse for Covid!

Hey I’m not depraved!

I’d sure hate to pass it to 

The guy in the next grave!