Friday, August 08, 2008

Flip-Flopping

Hey all. 34 days to my upcoming show! Busy busy busy. But here's a timely rant that I'll likely cut from it. Enjoy. And remember. Sept 12th, 13th and 19th!

So this political process has brought us the stupidest accusations of all time. No I’m not referring to the accusations of secret Muslimism or being the Antichrist or that John McCain’s middle name is “W.” No, I’m talking about the accusations of FLIP-FLOPPING!
I don’t argue that both candidates have done it. They’ve done it early and often. They probably both flip-flopped twice in the time that it took you to read that sentence. That’s not the reason, however, that it’s a stupid accusation. It’s a stupid accusation because it assumes that flip-flopping is a bad thing, when in actuality it is the one thing I hope every candidate can do!

You know who never flip-flopped? Hitler. Anyone wish perhaps he were just a little more fickle? Did Stalin listen to the will of the people a little too much for you? Flip-flopping is the number one quality that we SHOULD want in a president.

I’m tired of politicians who say “I don’t govern by the polls.” Yeah, who cares about public opinion IN A DEMOCRACY!

“Oh, he’s a flip-flopper! He… listens… to the people he… works for… then he tries to… do… what they want…. That’s not the way things are supposed to be, is it?”

Memo to politicians. As an elected official, YOU WORK FOR US! And we are a fickle, fickle bunch. So you’d better be flexible and you’d better start flopping!
We forget that we’re the bosses in America. The corporations don’t forget that. But the people do. We, the unwashed are SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE!

An election is like a job interview and the American people are doing the interviewing. And when you’re interviewing for a job, the answer to everything is “Yes sir!”
Don’t start the interview by listing the things you won’t do:
“I don’t believe that government should be the solution.” Try telling the folks at McDonalds that you don’t believe in fast food. See if that puts you on the fast track to management.
“I think the free market works better than government.” Try telling Burger King, “I think the tables will bus themselves…”
“My philosophy of government doesn’t allow me to take that position.”
Yes, and my philosophy of breakfast doesn’t include ham and egg burritos, but you shouldn’t tell that to the folks at Taco Bell. It upsets them.

I’m so tired of “Government shouldn’t do this” and “Government shouldn’t do that.” I got news for you. This is a democracy. Government can and will do whatever we goddamned want it to!

Stop having opinions and philosophies of government. We don’t pay you to have opinions. If we got paid to have opinions in this country, I’d be a fucking millionaire. You’re not in office to espouse your opinions; you’re in office to carry out our whims!

No. We the people want an employee, not a bunch of crazy opinions. Start acting like a boot-licking toadie if you want my vote.

Oh, and you’d better kiss some babies. Why? Because babies have fat cheeks and we want to know if you’re good at kissing fat cheeks. We just may have some more fat cheeks you’re gonna need to be kissing. Do you get what I’m saying? Thank you.

Power to the people!
Winlar out.

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