A Poem about Drinking

A Poem

You think you’re on my level

You  think you read my mind

You think you know exactly what I’m thinking

You think you have my brilliance

You think you’re there because I care

But you’re just someone I can look at while I’m drinking

You look at me so scared

You think that I just might care

You think I may give a crap bout you just an inkling

But I just can’t recall your face

I am in another place

You’re just someone I can look at while I’m drinking.

You just might die tomorrow

And dear god, so much sorrow

How dare the world keep going on unblinking

And as I regale your wake

What I sadly way do take

You were just someone to look at while I’as drinking

 

Jesus on Mike Pence. A poem by Winlar

 1

I talked to Jesus the other day and he wanted to get things straight

He’d been quiet a long time and he was kind of irate

He didn’t want to be too crass did not want to be rude

But he’d held his tongue for 2000 years,and that messes with a dude

What made him break his silence, the straw that broke his back

Was a book come out written by an old political hack

A book entitled unironically “So Help Me God”

Authored by Mike Pence, which put JC at odds

And reading drafts of it, well it made J want to vomit

And he broke his big millennials-long silence just to comment

And he told me in no uncertain words, bold and intense

“I didn’t die on the cross for motherfuckers like Mike Pence!”

2

If you never met Jesus, well, you really outta

He’s the only guy I’ve ever met can get drunk drinkin’ water

We sat down at the restaurant and ordered the bread and fishes

The waiter said they were out, but somehow rustled up some dishes

Then we sat down with 11 other friends and dined 

And Jesus quite profanely and beatifically opined

He said “I said love immigrants!” and Pence’s policies

All hate on immigrants. Immigrants like… me!!! 

This guy, he abetted putting imm’grant kids in cages

For him to claim he’s on my side, well that is just outrageous

You can’t be pro Jesus Christ and anti-immigrants

I didn’t die on the cross for motherfuckers like Mike Pence

3

I didn’t spill blood on the cross hour after painful hour

All for rich white plutocrats to justify their power

I do not like this asshole, I do not like this dude

Who uses me to justify his corporate-suck-itude

He uses my name in vain and says he’s the chosen one

But he has a Pontius Pilate vibe if ever there was one

The way he separates Moms from children at the borders

And ducks behind excuses like “I vaz just following orders!”

You might be surprised that I’m bein’ so blunt, but blimey

If some folks get upset,well, what they gon’ do? Crucify me?

It’s time for the real Christians to come out and talk some sense

I didn’t die on the cross for motherfuckers like Mike Pence

BDE

Coal and gas Yeah they suck ass They’re warmin’ up the planet Even methane gives the earth pain We seem doomed goddamnit Solar and wind, time and agin’ They’re just not there yet Nuclear could be pretty good But who will take that bet But I’ve found a way To light up our days Without a carbon penalty To fight global warming I am transforming And switching to Big dick energy! Big dick energy Big dick energy BDE It’s clean and it’s free Switch lto my big dick energy BDE Is the energy You see In guys who know A nuclear bomb’s Worth of calm Is lurkin’ down yonder below It’s a name for the status That you get for gratis When you have a giant pey-pey And you don’t need a song Extolling your schlong But maybe wrote one anyway Bid Dick energy Big dick energy When I’m unfurled I’ll save the damned world Switch to my big dick energy Br? I got just the junk Get us out this funk We always knew it was ma’gical But now in this crisis It helps defeat Isis Yes my crank is ecological! Some of you tools Love fossil fuels And you will quite surely doubt me but you can get bent My carbon footprint is the only thing small about me Big dick energy My massive girth Is saving the earth Switch to my big dick energy 3 So let’s get off oil And save the woyld Let’s give BDE a chance Who needs crude We’ll just use The refinery down in my pants A green new deal Could be for real It’s not all doom and gloom We’ve got the big dicks To do the trick (and that’s just in this room!) Big dick energy Me and my wang We fight climate change Switch to my big dick energy Big dick energy My big meat Will stop this heat My massive tool Is savin’ us fuel My prostrate Will make things great My giant peen Will turn us green My big thing’s Electrifying My big pecker Can run your Black and Decker My cockshaft Can fuel aircraft My love-spear Clears the atmosphere Switch to my big dick energy!

I Hate...

Lord it’s me Winlar Something to confess Been a long time coming Gonna be heck of a mess There are folks I’ve lied to Just to play along Many of whom quite likely are in earshot of this song Folks that I’ve pretended to get on with and respect But I can’t do that anymore twas wrong in retrospect So here is my confession So I can make amends Lord, oh Lord I hate comedians Lord, oh Lord I hate comedians There’s nothing worse than gettin’ on stage And taking a quick look And seeing the whole crowd staring at their cell phones and notebooks Jottin’ down those precious precious one-liners and bits In hopes one of them may someday be confused for wit Cravens cravin’ constant focus casual and formal No one needs that much attention No one who is normal Spare from these narcissists They take me round the bend Lord o lord I hate comedians! Br. They get up on the stage and bomb with all their shitty jokes Then whine about how the crowd’s either too drunk or too woke Always it’s the crowd’s own fault For not being in stitches Whiney whiney whiney whiney whiney little bitches! Pinning all their failure On the poor slobs who attend Lord oh lord I hate comedians So here’s the thing I hope you fucks remember from today When I say “nice set” what I mean is “go away” Your only purpose on this earth The reason you’re alive Is when I find you funny I know I’m too drunk to drive Oh wait, you do have one good line That gives me much delight Lord I love it when you say “That’s my time g’night.” Yeah The best thing ‘bout your tired schtick Is that it always ends Lord, oh lord I hate comedians

WOKE

 

You think you're one hip asshole keeping up on all the terms

Watching Fox and Gutfeld like the best behaved of worms

And I’ve been watching with you. I’ve listened and I’ve heard

That you oh too clever fuckwads have a new four letter word!!

A word you love to use so much you say time and again

A new word and you’re lucky this one doesn’t start with “N”

You use it like a new confederate flag you just unfurled

As the cause of all your fear and perceived evils in the world

It’s now become the trite answer to each and every question

Like “why do I not have a job” and “What’s this indigestion?”

It’s become your newest thing, your purpose, mission, cause

It’s all your hack comedians have to get their cheap applause

You use it in your politics, you use it in your jokes

-Yeah it’s your brand new buzz word.

Let’s all say it, “Woke!

You say that you are not it, as if that’s a source of pride

And you’re so glad not to use it like those on the correct side

Well, about that, I got bad news that you’re really gonna hate

Cuz I gotta remind you we’re no longer in two thousand eight

And vocabul’ry has moved on. It’s gonna make you sore

But nobody says “Woke” except racists anymore…

Nope. Nobody says Woke except for racists anymore…

It started out a novel word with lots of good intent

A way to try and tell a bunch of bigots to get bent

The term was ‘sposed to designate the too few human b’ings

Who read the room and realize that race is still a thing

But now it’s all gone sideways and gone so darned obtuse

That being “Anti-woke’s” become some grandiose excuse

For all of Trump’s ol’ rabid basket of deplor'ble minions

To hold on to their vilest fears and least informed opinions

And claim that they’re not racist, no, they’re never racist, nope

They’re somehow being ANTI-racist being anti-woke

And since they’re anti-woke we get to hear them sleep and snore

Nobody says “Woke” except racists anymore…

No. Nobody says “Woke” except racists anymore…

I wish that I could blame my jokes

Bein’ not funny on the “woke”

And it’s my slant being attacked

And not that I’m a soulless hack

And if the writing gets too hard

Just blame ‘wokeness” like Bill Maher

But I can’t use that tired basis

Because I’m sadly just not racist

And it would be total absurd

To blame my failure on a word

That I can't use, I'm not allowed

For only racists use it now...

Don’t you blame your lack of effort or your tired schtick

Don’t you blame it makes you come across a total dick

Don’t you blame material that’s best be called “meh, fine”

Don’t blame never bothering to have a damned punch line

Don’t blame the fact your jokes are old and stale and are just duds

Just say folks are "too woke" and resume slurping your own pud

Then die hard with your two bland minutes at the Com’dy store

Nobody says Woke except racists anymore

Nobody says Woke except racists anymore

Sad that that poor Word “Woke” has become the hue and cry

Of folks who kind of like it when the cops beat a black guy

It was folly, I now think, trying to define

People as “woke” simply ‘cause they’re thoughtful, brave and kind

All it did was give ammunition and buck shot

Against aforesaid people by those decidedly… not

The snoozers who ran with it and per usual stole the game

Because that’s really all they got ya' know is calling people names

And since they used it all up and now seldom is heard

Their tired and true old favorite, you know, the N-word

They’ve taken the poor “woke” word, which really should mean “nice”

And made it their favorite new dog-whistling device

And so it has become sadly one that we need ignore.

‘Cuz nobody says “Woke” except racists anymore…

Sigh. Nobody says “Woke” except racists anymore…