CDs and DVDs for sale! Just .0003% of your yearly income!

Hey fans,
CD's and DVD's best of all INSTANT DOWNLOADS of my shows are now available!  www.winlar.bandcamp.com

The price? A mere .0003% of your yearly income! That's three ten-thousandths of a percent, of your gross yearly income!
Yes, I'm pricing them fairly on a sliding scale. If you make the median U.S. income (around $50,000) then your price is a mere $15. Make less? Pay less! Make more? Pay more! (If Bill Gates buys just one, I'm set for the year!)
This way I can provide access to my comedy to all at a mathematically fair price.  The teacher, the custodian, the fast food chef, and the hedge fund manager. Everyone gets a fair chance to laugh at my egalitarian humor.

Not going to check your IRS records, so we're on the honor system here, but just determine the price by multiplying your yearly salary by .0003 (I know, I studied math in America too. It's hard. But you can do this! Just use a calculator) And that's the amount you should send. Or just pay what you think fair. Nobody's judging. Except me. And I'll judge. Boy, will I judge...

It's also optional to you whether you want me to write the price you paid on the item itself.  Use it as a status symbol, or keep your financial situation a secret. Up to you. I'm totally cool with it.

To order instant downloads just click here: 
www.winlar.bandcamp.com
Sample and download to your heart's content. So easy! (You can even send one as a gift to someone else, all at the click of a mouse!)

To order CD's or DVD's send an email to winlar@gmail.com with the title(s) you want, CD or DVD, (or both) and how much you're saying .0003% of your yearly income is! (Total trust exercise. Don't let me down humanity!)
Include your address and I'll ship them out for free, and you can mail me a check (remember checks?) for payment. Easy as 1,2, 3 multiplied by .0003.

Shows available for purchase:
Winlar! Father of the Year
Winlar! Sayin' Stuff
Winlar! Dirty Songs for Drunk People!
Winlar! Whatever I feel like talking about!
Winlar! Live!
Winlar! Nothing Controversial, Just Sex, Politics and how to raise your children

And more!

Great Christmas items! (Bet nobody else gets your friend a Winlar CD!) Autographs available on request. (Not from me, but I'm sure I can get somebody to autograph it. My friend Gordie maybe?)

Here's some sample video from Winlar! Father of the Year!:

Plus, there's more on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYyfnkD9120

Thanks for your order!
(This is how I'm trying to feed my family now, so it's much, much appreciated)

-Winlar

Winlar! Father of the Year!

Hey fans! New Winlar show! Friday Sept 19th!
Jewel Box Theater at the Rendezvous Bar and Grill in Belltown.
8pm!

Here's the quick skinny:

Comedian, husband and father Winlar will be regaling the audience with tales and songs about husbandry and fatherdry all night long. Edgy and creative, the show pokes fun at the realities of marriage and parenthood.

Written and performed by Brian "Winlar" Wennerlind, former writer for NPR's Rewind with Bill Radke.

Also performing at the Jewel Box that night, comedian Brian Babylon of NPR's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me! So lots of comedy to go around! (If you have a ticket for his show, I'll let you into mine for free. 2 for 1 comedy! Can't beat that!)

Tix to Winlar are just 10 bucks at the door. Club is 21 and over.
RSVP at the link below, and we'll hold you a seat!

https://www.facebook.com/events/674857619270931/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
Spread the word! Come one come all!

Here's a sneak peek!

Text You a Picture

Lots of requests to put this one online.  NVSFW, but loads of fun and quite topical!
Enjoy!

Baby I know it’s important to you 

In this cybernetic new age 
You need a man who is tech literate
And can find his way ‘round a web page 

Ipads and Ipods, webcams and cell phones 

I’m well equipped there as such 
But I’ve got another, more old-fashioned gadget 
That you care about just as much 

You can’t decide yet if I am your dream man, 

Well I’ll get you out of that funk 
You’re gonna fall in love with me baby
When I
Text you pictures of my junk

I need a way to prove I’m your man 

And I know a way just sublime 
To show you I have both packages you’re searchin’ for 
And I’ll show you both at one time 

Your eyes are asking two questions of me

And my answers to both, they will free you 
Why, yes that is a smart phone in my pocket 
But I’m also quite happy to see you 

Some say we’re not right together, 

But we both know that’s all bunk 
You’re gonna fall in love with me baby
When I
Text you pictures of my junk

Bridge: 

If we lived in ancient times 
Prehistory or I dunno know what 
I’d paint you cave drawings, or send naughty faxes 
Or photocopy my butt 
But we live in a brand new day
Where I can connect with you dearie
So what do you say
We have a four-way?
You, me, Carlos Danger and Siri!

So now we know each other's megabits better

I think it’s time that we dated 
Don’t you want to see a little more me 
More live, and less pixilated? 
 
So confident that my exhibition  
Will prove to you I’m worth your whi-le 
C’mon baby let me into your inbox
And please god, do not hit “reply all” 
 

Today’s modern marvels showcase my marbles

Ten years ago who woulda thunk?
You’re gonna fall in love with me baby
When I
Text you pictures of my junk

The War on Drugs

Hearing some of the absolute right-wing garbage about how the new marajuana laws in Washington and Colorado are going to be the ruin of western society, I felt it necessary to post this quite poorly performed song from a show or two ago, in order to remind everyone what a glorious and spectacular failure the war on drugs has been so far.  Funny how some government failures are swept under the rug and others the pundits won't stop yammering about.  Anyway, enjoy:

What if I’d  told you I’d had a fix for poverty?

What if I’d said that we could end it permanently?
So we spent a lot of money, and for forty years we strived
To eradicate the problem,  ruining countless lives
Then after 40 years you asked me to report
Is poverty gone? Did we make progress? What sort?
What if I said, “It’s all about the same” and shrugged
Ladies and gentlemen, the war on drugs

2.

What if I’d told you that I could feed the world?

And you gave me the go ahead and I’d given it a whirl

And since 1970 I’d spent 1.5 trillion dollars
But fed no more people Would that raise a hoot and holler?
Or would you laugh and find it grievously funny
When with a straight face I hit you up for some more money
You’d ask me what kind of cough medicine I’d chugged
Ladies and gentlemen the war on drugs

Bridge

If this were some more progressive enterprise
Would anybody really be all that surprised,
If we had called it quits a long time ago?
If we had had the common sense to "just say no."
We quit all kinds of stuff, leave lots of things unsolved
Why is this diff’rent?  Is it cause guns are involved?
Cops, criminals and congressmen acting like thugs
Ladies and Gentlemen, the war on drugs

3.
What if I told you we could close so many prisons
Fund education better, lessen race divisions
Decrease urban blight and the causes underneath
Put cops back on the streets who aren't armed to the teeth
Stop providing price supports for drug-dealer's greed
And give suffering people the medical attention that they need
We could do all those things if we just pulled the plug, on…

Ladies and Gentlemen...

 

Atheist at Christmas

One of my New Year's resolutions is to finally "come out" as an Atheist.  Couldn't think of any better way to do it, but with this song.  Lyrics below.  Enjoy!

There’s been some talk about a War on Christmas

Implying there’s no way to celebrate

The happy holiday without at a’blurrin’

The line betwixt religion and the state

They say the season is meant for “Believing”

But I believe that’s just a load o’ guff

All you need to believe in at Christmas

Is eating and drinking and giving and getting stuff!

(Chorus)

It’s fun to be an Atheist at Christmas

Trust me, I’ve done lots of research

Great to be an Atheist at Christmas

All of the presents none of the goin’ to church!

At my house there’s a moment every Christmas

We think ‘bout getting on our knees to pray

But then we realize that we don’t have to

And we just go open presents anyway

No deity brings us the Christmas spirit

It comes along ‘cuz simply ‘tis the Season

For us to be nice and to give to others

There needn’t be some supernat’ral reason

It’s fun to be an Atheist at Christmas

In no way does that make the season flawed

Great to be an Atheist at Christmas

All of the presents none of the blood-debt owed to some sky-god

 

(Bridge)

We skip the mass.  We skip the prayer
We skip the rosaries

We skip those comic’ly embarrassing live nativity scenes

We just blow off the churching

We hold days off too dear

Which makes us just like everyone else

Except for twice a year

Fun to be an Atheist at Christmas

Ye are free to do just what thou wilt

Great to be an atheist at Christmas

All of the presents, none of the Catholic guilt

I know, I know, the “True meaning of Christmas!”

The Virgin Birth, the manger, all those trappin’s

But in our house it’s all about elves and reindeer

Which seem to me more likely to have happened!

Sure the tale of Jesus’ birth is nifty

A magic guy with 12 most helpful friends

But Santa’s got 9 flying reindeer

And his story doesn’t have the violent end…

Fun to be an Atheist at Christmas

The joy simply cannot be denied

Great to be an Atheist at Christmas

All of the presents none of the baby who’s gonna get crucified!

So don’t tell me that there's a“War on Christmas”

Just 'cause some folks wish Happy Holidays

If being kind and thoughtful attacks Christmas

You’ve lost that war already anyway

And If you’ll pardon this strange contradiction

For an Atheist this time is heaven sent

The best gift of all’s telling Bill O’reilly

And Sarah Palin they can just get bent!

It’s fun to be an Atheist at Christmas

That’s not even open for debate

Great to be an Atheist at Christmas

All the presents none of the Santa, oh wait we get all the Santa too!  (Even Naughty Santa!)

All of the presents, none of the carolling… No wait, this is a carol, we get plenty of carols..…

All of the presents none of the drinking…

Wait, we get TONS of drinking… guilt-free drinking…

Oh yeah, that's it...

All of the presents, none of the pious Fox news commentators!

 

Happy Holidays everybody!

Winlar! Dirty Songs for Drunk People Holiday Spectacular!

WINLAR!

LIVE!

Dirty Songs for Drunk People!

Holiday Spectacular!

 

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

 

DECEMBER 28^TH, 7:30 PM

 

JEWEL BOX THEATER

(INSIDE THE RENDEZVOUS TAVERN IN BELLTOWN))

 

Local comedian Brian “Winlar” Wennerlind gets very NSFW with funny songs, fun diatribes and other odd behavior.  The former writer for Almost Live and NPR’s Rewind w/ Bill Radke delivers jokes on drinking, being on the naughty list, and drinking.

Come see this stand-up comedy with songs and ukulele!

Tickets available at door, first come first served.

$10

https://www.facebook.com/events/444062289049480/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming 

Check out some sample work at  www.winlar.blogspot.com or www.youtube.com/kazootv

 

Froggie Went a' Courtin' Updated

Here's maybe the last snippet of my last show I'll be uploading.  (I was not in very good voice that night.  It's embarrassing.)  Need to perform that show again.  Anybody have a venue I could use?  Contact me!

Anyway, here's my version of the classic folk tune.  Enjoy.
NSFW

Racist F

Here we go.  First snippet from my Oct. 22nd show.  Enjoy.

Winlar! Sayin' Stuff! October 22nd! INFO!

Hey all!  Here's the quick and dirty info on my upcoming show!

 Winlar!  Sayin’ Stuff

 Oct 22nd      

 7pm

Local comedian Brian “Winlar” Wennerlind rocks the right with brand new funny songs, fun diatribes and other odd behavior.  The former writer for Almost Live and NPR’s Rewind w/ Bill Radke delivers jokes on politics, working, and life in general.  Comedy for the 99 percent.  Humor from the very tip of the left wing. 

Come see this brand new stand-up comedy with (mostly) original songs and ukulele!

 Tickets available at door, first come first served.

 $10

Check out some sample work at  www.winlar.blogspot.com or www.youtube.com/kazootv

(Video sneak peaks of the show to be posted soon.)

See you there!

-winlar

Thought I'd Caught the Easter Bunny...

Here's a little song I wrote an Easter or two ago.  Safe for work and kids and all.  Why not spread the Easter cheer herein by liking it and making it viral?
Happy Easter,
-winlar


It’s a well-known fact at Easter
That I need not repeat
That if you catch the Easter Bunny
He’ll give you all the chocolate eggs you can eat!

So every year I set up traps
All around my yard
To catch that sneaky cottontail
You wouldn't think it’d be that hard...

And this year I thought I had him!
Right there in my trap!
But on investigation
I’m afraid he beat the rap

Every springtime the same thing
So frustrating dagnabbit
I thought I caught the Easter Bunny
But it was just some other talking rabbit

Man, this year I was so sure
That I had the right guy
How many rabbits could there be
Who wear a suit and tie?

Who also just so happen to be
Out on Easter’s eve?
But it turned out it wasn’t him
It was just some bunny named Steve

I really really thought this time
That I finally had it
I thought I’d caught the Easter bunny
But it was just some other talking rabbit

Br.So I let him go
He’s just some schmo
No lagomorphic prince
Why is it that I never catch hide nor
hare of consequence?

It looked a whole lot like him though
That there’s no denying
It seems absurd, but he gave his word
You don't suppose he could have been lying?
Nah!

So my dream of a lifetime egg supply
This year is done
because I stink at Rabbit
Identification 101

The whole sordid adventure
Reminds me of that day
when I swore I saw Santa Claus
But it was just some random flying sleigh.

Here's hoping all these near misses
Don’t become a habit
I thought I’d caught the Easter Bunny
But it was just some other talking rabbit

Newt Newt Newt!

Here’s a little song about a phenomenon called “Gingrich Envy.”  My apologies to the Sherman Brothers.

 I need a new video camera, so sorry about the poor quality.  You'll want to read along to the lyrics below.

 He’s the king of the swingers boys,

In this year’s  G.O.P.

He reached the top, but had to stop

For rampant hypocrisy

Wantsa be the white man’s white man

The Republish nominee

wants His face in its rightful place

In revisionist history..,

Oh, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

I wanna run like Newt, have fun like Newt

The big galoot

A lotta high falutes

Think he’s  so -astute

He’s arrogant and crude to boot

So don’t mess with him white man

He’ll make a deal with you

He’s gonna need ya’ to blame the media

For all his graft and woo

Give him the nomination

This greedy legislator

Give him the seat, or he’ll treat

Ya’ like a CNN Moderator!

Oh, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

I wanna get irate during debates

And ballyhoo

An empty suit

With an ugly snoot.

He’s  proof that who you choose is moot

Bridge:

Moon base fat face, Palestine’s ficticious race, Saul Alinsky radicals

A tryst with Callista, a lesbian sista’, and Long Greek cruise Sabbaticals

Go-Pac ,  talk smack, back track, Dream act, campaign staff disparagin’

He’s polling behind, he’s got a closed mind but he’s got a very open marriage

Oh, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

Oh I want kick backs from Freddy mac.

Wanna be hirsute

he’s a hypocrite, but his name ain’t Mitt

He’s a total Dick, but try googlin’ Rick

That don’t compute

Soooo, Newt Newt Newt

I wanna be like Newt Newt Newt

He's the non-Romney nominee

There’s no dispute

That this rude blue coot, of ill repute is now en route

To Pennsylvania ave- Newt Newt Newt

I wanna walk like Newt, talk like Newt,

Newt Newt Newt

I wanna walk like Newt, talk like Newt

Newt Newt Newt

But mainly I just want to have,

Affairs with interns

I wanna walk like Newt Talk like newt

Newt newt nudity newt di newt newt

The Mango Mentality as applied to the Occupy Wall Street Movement. A theory.

Here's a theory as to why we humans have trouble understanding economics: For most of our time on this planet as a species, the economic system looked nothing like today's. We evolved in a hunter-gatherer economy. This hunter-gatherer economy was radically different than today's yet our attitudes towards work, wealth, and fairness are still based on that model.

 An example: Say you're in a hunter-gather society and you're foraging about for, let's say mangoes. (I have no idea if mangoes even existed then, but you know what I mean. It's a thought experiment and the word "mango" is fun to say. Just roll with it.) Now say that you don't have a mango. You're hungry, but no worries. Mangoes are plentiful. They're everywhere in this thought experiment. If you don't have a mango, it's pretty much your own fault. Go get a mango. You may need to forage a little farther, climb a higher tree, whatever, but it's always perfectly possible for you to get your own darned mango, and thus, it's also perfectly reasonable for others in your tribe to tell you to "get a mango you dirty hippie and stop your whining." There are infinite mangoes to go around, and just shut up and go get a mango. But that was three economies ago. That hunter-gatherer model is long gone. However, we've changed economic systems three times in roughly 20,000 years, a mere hiccup in evolutionary terms, which is why our mentality hasn't changed much. But we need to change the mango mentality. It's long overdue. Because...

 Because now we have MONEY. Money is not mangoes. Mangoes were everywhere, but money is not. The important thing to know about money is this: Money is FINITE. There is only so much of it by design. If money were infinite, it would be worthless. Silly pieces of paper cluttering the house. But we purposely make it rare and the rarer it is the more people want it. For money to have value, it has to be scarce.

 So new thought experiment. Imagine a world with only say, 100 mangoes. Enough to go around, but not an endless supply. Now it isn't just a matter of working hard and finding a mango. Now if you are mangoless, you can't just increase the mango population with effort and toil, now your only choice is to figure out a way to get one of the previously existing mangoes. You need to cajole, entertain, make a deal, steal or physically remove one from someone who already has a mango. Now it becomes a game of mango musical chairs, and when the music stops and you don't have a mango times get desperate indeed. Oh, and one guy has like 60 mangoes and he ain't sharing.

Now is it OK to accuse the mangoless of laziness? If one person is sitting on 60 mangoes, won't share them, won't spend them, won't even LEND them so that you can start a small business (See what I did there?) is it not then appropriate and logical to suggest that the system needs change? If the finite mangoes aren't circulating hard work and true grit aren't going to change that. The only thing that will change anything is a revolution (to be avoided at all costs) a war (to steal someone else's hard earned mangoes) or some other kind of a shake up to get the mangoes moving around again. I have to say I prefer the non-violent shake up of the system. Not talking about giving out free mangoes. Talking about creating ways to earn the mangoes. We can't create more mangoes. It's not allowed. So we have to invent ways to make sure there are existing mangoes available to reward a hard day's work. 

Yet, so many of us are mired in moldy mango mentality. We still base our concepts of fairness and worth on a model of infinite resources even though we now live in a society of purposely finite ones. It's a mentality we've held for a million years that hasn't kept pace with the developments of Agriculture, Industry, and the Information age. This attitude is an impediment to change and it has to change. Our attitudes need to catch up to the last 20,000 years. So let's evolve already. Ditch the mango mentality for a better vision, and stop the name-calling of those who are pointing out the problem.

Thanks,
-winlar

PS:  Here's a cool link.
http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/02/income-inequality-in-america-chart-graph

The Way of the Draining Lizard

Blast from the past time! Out of the blue, I've been sent an mp3 file of The Way of the Draining Lizard sketch that I wrote for NPR's Rewind. I put it up on my reverbnation site, and now clicking on the title of this post should take you there. (You have to hit the play button I think.)
Enjoy!
PS. Thanks Frank!