Monday, October 06, 2008

Joe Six-Pack

So Sarah Palin said repeatedly in the debate that she’s just a “Joe Six-Pack.” Funny… I’m a Six-Pack and I’ve never seen you at the family reunions!

I often enjoy a six-pack or two in between six-packs and being a part of the proud Six-Pack family I’d like to say that Sarah Palin does not speak for me. In fact, if she is a true Six-Pack, (maybe by marriage? Is that why it’s hyphenated?) then she’s soiling the good Six-Pack family name as an embarrassment to Six-Packs everywhere. This Gov is no true Six-Pack.

Here’s a little primer on how to be a good Six-Pack:

Us Six-Packs don’t care if you don’t answer the questions the way people expect, but we do want you to answer correctly once in a while…

Six-Packs know that no matter how low your expectations, if you get your ass kicked in a debate, you got your ass kicked in a debate.

Six-Packs know that the causes of things, like global warming or the financial crisis matter!

Six-Packs know the difference between “fundamentals” and “workers.” We do not believe these words are synonyms.

This Joe Six-Pack believes in evolution, since he has seen his compatriots regress from time to time.

Joe Six-Pack thinks that, now that you’re worth $1.2 million, maybe you can kick in for beer, or health care, or college tuition for the rest of the family.

Joe Six-Pack believes that paying his taxes is patriotic, taking your company offshore is unpatriotic, and that labeling people patriotic and unpatriotic does a disservice to the nation. (Joe Six-Pack realizes the contradiction lying therein.)

Joe Six-Pack knows that, despite all the abstinence education you get, Six-Packs being what they are, if you don’t learn about contraception, there are gonna be a lot of little Six-Packs running around.

Joe Six-Pack loves America, Americans, of all creeds colors and backgrounds. He doesn’t just “Tolerate” them.

Joe Six-Pack is wondering how you can share his values, since you don’t seem to have any…

And lastly, Joe Six-Pack really hates it when people talk out their asses, lie and weasel, and aren’t qualified for their jobs.

And now, for the Six-Packs everywhere, some true populism:

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