Friday, October 31, 2008

Ode to Joe the Plumber

Boy, Obama sure did have trouble answering that question from that guy who came up to him and... completely made it up... Bad mistake for Barack the Senator grounding his answer in reality while "Joe the Plumber" (Well, at least the “the” is accurate) based his question on a business that didn't exist and circumstances he just made up. But still, a folk hero is a folk hero and even this one deserves his own ode before he (hopefully) disappears into the abyss of political obscurity. So here we go.

You think a quarter mil’ a year makes you middle class?
Joe I hope you’re a good plumber, 'cuz you sure do suck at math

Well Joe it seems you got yourself in one hell of a mess
Goin’ up there to Obama and asking him a question
And ever since we’ve seen you spoutin’ off your rabid views
About how you’d be taxed more to all who watch Fox News
Yes Joe, you sure hate taxes, no ifs ands or buts
But a little research shows Obama’d get your taxes CUT

You should have checked your figures there, before you spewed your wrath
Joe I hope you’re one good plumber, 'cuz you sure do suck at math!

You’d buy a made-up business, but you’re scared of the taxes
Uh, two secs to crunch real numbers will show you what the facts is:
Buying that unreal company won’t raise your tax berth
'Cuz you pay income tax on INCOME, not what the company’s worth
So great news! No one will tax you just 'cuz you’re ambitious
(And there’s no tax at all, when the company’s fictitious!)

So your little pretend company won’t make you take a bath
Joe I hope you’re one good plumber, 'cuz you sure do suck at math!

You say that you’d be taxed more than the Average Joe
Just because you’d make ‘bout 6 times what average is? Oh NO!
Were your business real, which it isn’t, even so
The tax penalty that you’d pay, um, it ain’t a lot of dough
To avoid a coupla' bucks in tax, you’d honestly forgo
A 200 K increase in pay? Great business sense there Joe!

Instead of fake tax you'd pay, think of the fake wealth you'd amass
Joe I hope you’re one good plumber, ‘cuz you sure do suck at math

The politics of laissez-faire sure do have their appeal
When you talk about people who aren’t suffering or… real
So stick to plumbing Joe, if your work is worth the price
And when you add your bill up please don't mind I'll surely check it twice
But as for punditry, your misspent fame, well, it’s been fun
But come Tuesday, your famous fifteen minutes should be done.

Use a calculator first, THEN talk out your ass
Joe I hope you’re one good plumber, ‘cuz you sure do suck at... political science, foreign policy, economics, country music, giving interviews, punditry, personal hygiene, oh, and math!

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