So after hearing Sarah Palin speak last night, I have to say I was impressed. They way she reached out across partisan lines to make snide comments, spin and attack needlessly showed that she won't let things like decency, truth or manners get in the way of continuing the enmity and gridlock in congress. Nice. Hey! She kind of reminded of someone...
Hmm, so she's a self-described "pitbull" (Attack dog)
She hunts. (Though shooting animals from a helicopter is less hunting and more vandalism)
She's closely tied to the oil industry.
Here we've been worried that McCain would be continuing 4 more years of Bush, but now with Palin, we know that we'll be getting 4 more years of Dick Cheney too!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Palin the face
OK,
So as the firestorm brews about the many many fallibility's of Sarah Palin, I'd just like to chime in with my own note that I'm not hearing anywhere.
Sarah Palin thinks that Creationism is scientifically credible and should be taught in schools. Anyone versed in the subject to any degree knows that this goes directly against the grain as to the very nature of what science even is. So belief that public schools should waste any of the science curriculum on this completely discredited hypothesis demonstrates a woeful lack of science literacy.
But does a vice-president really need to be scientifically literate? Among the duties of the Vice-President's office? Chairman of the Board of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Arguably the most prestigious scientific organization in the world.
So John McCain has just selected someone to be Chairman of the Board of NASA who IS SCIENTIFICALLY ILLITERATE!
But let's talk about her son in Iraq and pregnant daughter instead because that's less "thinky."
So as the firestorm brews about the many many fallibility's of Sarah Palin, I'd just like to chime in with my own note that I'm not hearing anywhere.
Sarah Palin thinks that Creationism is scientifically credible and should be taught in schools. Anyone versed in the subject to any degree knows that this goes directly against the grain as to the very nature of what science even is. So belief that public schools should waste any of the science curriculum on this completely discredited hypothesis demonstrates a woeful lack of science literacy.
But does a vice-president really need to be scientifically literate? Among the duties of the Vice-President's office? Chairman of the Board of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Arguably the most prestigious scientific organization in the world.
So John McCain has just selected someone to be Chairman of the Board of NASA who IS SCIENTIFICALLY ILLITERATE!
But let's talk about her son in Iraq and pregnant daughter instead because that's less "thinky."
Thursday, August 28, 2008
News Quiz!
As I get ready for my political show, it’s time to make sure you’re up to speed on the issues, so that you’ll be able to follow along! So here’s a quick quiz!
(If you’ve been watching cable news, you should have no trouble matching the questions to the answers below!)
Good luck!
1. What positions have each candidate taken on the role of the World Bank, IMF, and WTO?
2. What is “Extraordinary Rendition?”
3. How many children are currently living in poverty in the US?
4. What is the number one cause of bankruptcy in the US?
5. How much money has each campaign received from the oil industry?
6. What occurred in Iran in 1953 for which Iranians still harbor resentment for the US?
7. What is John McCain’s health care plan?
8. How many voters have been “purged” off of eligible voter rolls in the past 4 years?
9. What positions do the candidates have on media consolidation?
10. How many Iraqi civilians have died as a result of Operation Iraqi Freedom?
Scroll down for the answers!
Answers:
1. Jeremiah Wright
2. Fist Bump
3. Brangelina
4. John Edwards
5. Elitist
6. Secret Muslim
7. Hillary cried
8. Seven houses
9. Lapel pin
10. Brett Favre
Nice Job! Sounds like you’ve been paying attention!
See you at the show!
--Winlar
(If you’ve been watching cable news, you should have no trouble matching the questions to the answers below!)
Good luck!
1. What positions have each candidate taken on the role of the World Bank, IMF, and WTO?
2. What is “Extraordinary Rendition?”
3. How many children are currently living in poverty in the US?
4. What is the number one cause of bankruptcy in the US?
5. How much money has each campaign received from the oil industry?
6. What occurred in Iran in 1953 for which Iranians still harbor resentment for the US?
7. What is John McCain’s health care plan?
8. How many voters have been “purged” off of eligible voter rolls in the past 4 years?
9. What positions do the candidates have on media consolidation?
10. How many Iraqi civilians have died as a result of Operation Iraqi Freedom?
Scroll down for the answers!
Answers:
1. Jeremiah Wright
2. Fist Bump
3. Brangelina
4. John Edwards
5. Elitist
6. Secret Muslim
7. Hillary cried
8. Seven houses
9. Lapel pin
10. Brett Favre
Nice Job! Sounds like you’ve been paying attention!
See you at the show!
--Winlar
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Olympic Notes
Not a lot of time for blogging this week, as I'm working on my show and I have Olympic fever! So that in mind, here are a few thoughts about the Beijing Olympics.
-Every Olympics I become Canadian. They have way better coverage, far fewer commercials, and when they win something, man are they HAPPY! I’m so blessed to live close enough to the border to get the CBC. So as the Olympics go on, I just imagine that the border migrated about 300 miles south. Bob Costas versus Don Cherry? Come on!
-Fencing. There is nothing about this sport that would not be helped by giving the fencers furniture to jump around on. Doubles the ratings right there. Somebody needs to get on this!
-Not to take away anything from Michael Phelps' accomplishments, but aren’t the number of medals in swimming sort of inflated? Basically, you swim back and forth various distances, but you can double your medal winnings by being the fastest to swim the same distance a different way. (Butterfly, breast stroke, etc...)
How many more medals could track and field stars garner if they offered not only the 100 meter dash, but also the 100 meter skip, 100 meter run backwards, and the 100 meter hop on one foot? Jesse Owens would have had about 20.
I’m not saying that track should add these, but rather that swimming add hurdles. Some kind of aquatic javelin would also be fun.-Lastly, synchronized diving? Why? Why do we have this? Why?
See you next week,
--winlar
Friday, August 08, 2008
Flip-Flopping
Hey all. 34 days to my upcoming show! Busy busy busy. But here's a timely rant that I'll likely cut from it. Enjoy. And remember. Sept 12th, 13th and 19th!
So this political process has brought us the stupidest accusations of all time. No I’m not referring to the accusations of secret Muslimism or being the Antichrist or that John McCain’s middle name is “W.” No, I’m talking about the accusations of FLIP-FLOPPING!
I don’t argue that both candidates have done it. They’ve done it early and often. They probably both flip-flopped twice in the time that it took you to read that sentence. That’s not the reason, however, that it’s a stupid accusation. It’s a stupid accusation because it assumes that flip-flopping is a bad thing, when in actuality it is the one thing I hope every candidate can do!
You know who never flip-flopped? Hitler. Anyone wish perhaps he were just a little more fickle? Did Stalin listen to the will of the people a little too much for you? Flip-flopping is the number one quality that we SHOULD want in a president.
I’m tired of politicians who say “I don’t govern by the polls.” Yeah, who cares about public opinion IN A DEMOCRACY!
“Oh, he’s a flip-flopper! He… listens… to the people he… works for… then he tries to… do… what they want…. That’s not the way things are supposed to be, is it?”
Memo to politicians. As an elected official, YOU WORK FOR US! And we are a fickle, fickle bunch. So you’d better be flexible and you’d better start flopping!
We forget that we’re the bosses in America. The corporations don’t forget that. But the people do. We, the unwashed are SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE!
An election is like a job interview and the American people are doing the interviewing. And when you’re interviewing for a job, the answer to everything is “Yes sir!”
Don’t start the interview by listing the things you won’t do:
“I don’t believe that government should be the solution.” Try telling the folks at McDonalds that you don’t believe in fast food. See if that puts you on the fast track to management.
“I think the free market works better than government.” Try telling Burger King, “I think the tables will bus themselves…”
“My philosophy of government doesn’t allow me to take that position.”
Yes, and my philosophy of breakfast doesn’t include ham and egg burritos, but you shouldn’t tell that to the folks at Taco Bell. It upsets them.
I’m so tired of “Government shouldn’t do this” and “Government shouldn’t do that.” I got news for you. This is a democracy. Government can and will do whatever we goddamned want it to!
Stop having opinions and philosophies of government. We don’t pay you to have opinions. If we got paid to have opinions in this country, I’d be a fucking millionaire. You’re not in office to espouse your opinions; you’re in office to carry out our whims!
No. We the people want an employee, not a bunch of crazy opinions. Start acting like a boot-licking toadie if you want my vote.
Oh, and you’d better kiss some babies. Why? Because babies have fat cheeks and we want to know if you’re good at kissing fat cheeks. We just may have some more fat cheeks you’re gonna need to be kissing. Do you get what I’m saying? Thank you.
Power to the people!
Winlar out.
So this political process has brought us the stupidest accusations of all time. No I’m not referring to the accusations of secret Muslimism or being the Antichrist or that John McCain’s middle name is “W.” No, I’m talking about the accusations of FLIP-FLOPPING!
I don’t argue that both candidates have done it. They’ve done it early and often. They probably both flip-flopped twice in the time that it took you to read that sentence. That’s not the reason, however, that it’s a stupid accusation. It’s a stupid accusation because it assumes that flip-flopping is a bad thing, when in actuality it is the one thing I hope every candidate can do!
You know who never flip-flopped? Hitler. Anyone wish perhaps he were just a little more fickle? Did Stalin listen to the will of the people a little too much for you? Flip-flopping is the number one quality that we SHOULD want in a president.
I’m tired of politicians who say “I don’t govern by the polls.” Yeah, who cares about public opinion IN A DEMOCRACY!
“Oh, he’s a flip-flopper! He… listens… to the people he… works for… then he tries to… do… what they want…. That’s not the way things are supposed to be, is it?”
Memo to politicians. As an elected official, YOU WORK FOR US! And we are a fickle, fickle bunch. So you’d better be flexible and you’d better start flopping!
We forget that we’re the bosses in America. The corporations don’t forget that. But the people do. We, the unwashed are SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE!
An election is like a job interview and the American people are doing the interviewing. And when you’re interviewing for a job, the answer to everything is “Yes sir!”
Don’t start the interview by listing the things you won’t do:
“I don’t believe that government should be the solution.” Try telling the folks at McDonalds that you don’t believe in fast food. See if that puts you on the fast track to management.
“I think the free market works better than government.” Try telling Burger King, “I think the tables will bus themselves…”
“My philosophy of government doesn’t allow me to take that position.”
Yes, and my philosophy of breakfast doesn’t include ham and egg burritos, but you shouldn’t tell that to the folks at Taco Bell. It upsets them.
I’m so tired of “Government shouldn’t do this” and “Government shouldn’t do that.” I got news for you. This is a democracy. Government can and will do whatever we goddamned want it to!
Stop having opinions and philosophies of government. We don’t pay you to have opinions. If we got paid to have opinions in this country, I’d be a fucking millionaire. You’re not in office to espouse your opinions; you’re in office to carry out our whims!
No. We the people want an employee, not a bunch of crazy opinions. Start acting like a boot-licking toadie if you want my vote.
Oh, and you’d better kiss some babies. Why? Because babies have fat cheeks and we want to know if you’re good at kissing fat cheeks. We just may have some more fat cheeks you’re gonna need to be kissing. Do you get what I’m saying? Thank you.
Power to the people!
Winlar out.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Socialize This!
Hey! Sorry to not have blogged for so long, but I've been on vacation, and working on (drumroll please...)
MY NEW SHOW!!
Winlar '08: Making Things Worse!
September 12th, 13th and 19th at the Famous Jewel Box Theater in the Rendezvous Bar and Restaurant! 8pm! (Still amazingly just 10 bucks!)
Mark your calendars!
And as a little teaser, here's a little snippet that I'm working on for the show Enjoy!
MY NEW SHOW!!
Winlar '08: Making Things Worse!
September 12th, 13th and 19th at the Famous Jewel Box Theater in the Rendezvous Bar and Restaurant! 8pm! (Still amazingly just 10 bucks!)
Mark your calendars!
And as a little teaser, here's a little snippet that I'm working on for the show Enjoy!
Here’s a complaint I get sometimes. “You’re a Communist! Like Hitler!”
Man, that hurts. Did you get that GED from Harvard?
It really bothers me that whenever Democrats suggest anything to even slow capitalist greed down they call Democrats “Socialists.” Hmm… So Socialists receive millions of dollars in campaign contributions from huge corporations? Is that what they’re about?
The whole thing is ridiculous, because Socialism means that the government would actually ever have some kind of power, and I don't see either party recognizing that...
What is anybody even talking about socializing? We can’t even socialize health care, and that’s been proven to WORK!
But this got me to thinking that perhaps there are some industries out there that we should take a long look at nationalizing. Some that, quite frankly, need some federal help. So, without further ado, a quick list of some industries the government couldn’t possibly run any worse than they are being run right now:
Cable TV. Does anyone here have the Comcast DVR? Tell me that even the least effectual government bureaucrat could not improve on that unadulterated piece of shit. Fast forwards for 5 seconds, and then it just freezes. The thing makes ColecoVision look like a supercomputer
Honestly, the cable companies are sucky monopolies anyway so making them a government monopoly couldn’t possibly be much worse. They have it coming. It’s a done deal. Cable companies, we’re nationalizing you tomorrow. Sometime between noon and six pm. Be there.
Sports: Um, last time I checked, we’re building all the stadiums anyway… You keep hearing sports franchises saying things like this: (This is based on a true story, perhaps you’ve heard it?) “I just bought this franchise for 350 million dollars, and now you have to build a 500 million dollar facility, or we’re leaving!”
So an easy solution, why don’t we just pay the 350 million and buy the team ourselves and then spend the extra $150 mil on free beer?
Clay Bennett, may he rot in hell and by that I mean, “may he rot in hell TODAY, wouldn’t be anything more than a rich asshole. (As opposed to a rich asshole with my fucking team. Yes. I'm still bitter.)
The Post Office: Imagine a utopia where the government controlled the mail and a letter sent easily and efficiently from doorstep to doorstep anywhere in the country for but 40 cents. What an idealistic dream that would be… Oh wait, skip that one.
A State-run Ministry of Propaganda: You know, to give glowing, biased accounts of what great things the current administration is doing… Oh wait, that’s already outsourced to Fox news. That one’s done.
Energy: This would be a big reversal. I know we’re used to the energy industry running the government, but we should take a turn running it for a change. Sounds like a fair trade.
Um, the oil is under OUR country. Um, it is sort of the linchpin of the entire economy. Perhaps we should have at least some government control?
Maybe the feds couldn’t do better than $4.25 a gallon, but I’d rather get sodomized by someone I can vote out of office rather than have no say whatsoever as to the price of gas. Plus, in the future when we go to war for oil, this cuts out the middleman!
And speaking of getting sodomized, that leads me to:
Pornography: State run porn! It's the best idea I have ever had! We already had a preview of this with the Starr Commission report.
This could be a moneymaker! I have it all figured out. C-SPAN 4! Sexual Congress!
Starring Eliot Spitzer. Larry Craig, Mark Foley. Now they’re earning their congressional salaries!
Think of the marriages it could save:
“Are you downloading porn, you sicko?”
“No hon, just seeing who to vote for… Man, I’m such a good citizen!"
Sure, keep government out of a woman's uterus, but there are some other parts that I'm comfortable with it touching...
“Introducing Bill HR 1423 sub clause five: campaign finance reform. The vote for cloture will now begin… (Cue the bad Jazz-funk fusion music) Boump bit di boum boum…” Everybody wins with this scenario!
Just a few suggestions. Feel free to comment and suggest some of your own!
Until next week,
--winlarMonday, July 14, 2008
NBA fans! Watch your back
Sorry to go on with another basketball blog, but David Stern just sold out every NBA fan in the entire country while destroying 41 years of professional basketball history in Seattle and there are a few things I don’t see anyone else documenting, so I feel the need to point them out. Back to the dirty songs in a couple weeks, I promise…
NBA fans nationwide, a warning! What just happened here in Seattle should serve as a cautionary tale to all of you. Watch your back. The ice that the relationship between your city and the Association was happily skating on just got a whole lot thinner. Here’s why what happened in Seattle is almost guaranteed to happen in your city:
To recap the Seattle situation, Stern and the NBA basically came down to having two options: One, go through many hoops (pardon the basketball pun) lose a lot of money and move the team to a smaller market, shedding it’s history and destroying its fan base in the process. Or Two: expand the league by one team, make the fans of two cities, the players union, sportswriters and countless others extremely happy. None other than Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was willing to pay for it and most of the stadium remodel as well. Stern and the league fought hard for option number one. Why?
With option one, OKC basically got an expansion team from the deal anyway. It didn’t get the history, titles or banners. (Who would want them anyway? Who puts up trophies in their house that they didn’t win?) So why not just create an expansion team? Put it either in OKC, or if Bennett really wants to keep Kevin Durant and the like, put it in Seattle and call them the Sonics. Seattle had an ownership group ready to go with none other than Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer involved, one of the richest, most powerful men in the world. Why not have him on board?
Under scenario two NBA fans would have had a whole new team to root for, owners would have received expansion fees, and Microsoft would now be a full-time partner. What’s not to love about this?
Everyone loved scenario two except David Stern and the owners. And here’s why: NBA teams lose money. Despite blackmailing the cities they play in every few years for tax breaks and new stadiums, the owners of this league have a broken model that doesn’t make individual teams profitable, or at least as profitable as they’d like. And yet the owners still turn a profit on their investments. All of it through resale value. That’s what the whole ungodly mess in Seattle was really all about. The resale value of NBA franchises.
What gives these money-losing businesses value? Rarity. The fact that there are only 30 of them and that they give extremely wealthy people status. Despite being money-losers constantly dependent on government handouts, the fact that there are only 30 NBA teams and more than 30 billionaires who want them makes them constantly spiral upwards in value. Expansion makes great sense for fans and for the players but it doesn’t make money for the already very wealthy owners. So presented this choice, Stern naturally chose the owners. To a stock speculator, all that matters is the price of the stock. The employees? The product? The quality? None of that matters if the stock can’t be resold for significantly more than it was purchased for.
So why does the NBA not want Steve Ballmer? Because the THREAT of Steve Ballmer is more powerful. The threat of Steve Ballmer wanting to buy a team and move it back to Seattle immediately increases the value of every existing franchise. The threat of Steve Ballmer moving your team makes it that much easier to extort the local citizenry for tax handouts, leases, and stadiums. Steve Ballmer and his friends have the money to buy the Celtics or Lakers. Nobody is safe. No wonder the NBA gladly paid 75 million to buy off Seattle for a few years. They just made all 30 teams worth ten million dollars more.
Stern has just set a precedent that no team is secure in its current location and that he will go to incredible lengths, including outright lying and slander towards a city and its fan base to wrest a team from one place to another. And now he has Microsoft money as his bogeyman. “Hey New Orleans! Like Chris Paul? Yeah, Ballmer likes him too. Best do what we say.” “Hey, Memphis, Sacramento, Charlotte and all you small markets. Sure your teams are sub-standard, but you’d better pay some big market prices, because big bad Steve Ballmer is out there and those Seattle fans showed they can carry a franchise for 41 years! We want fountains flowing Krystall in the locker rooms. Can you swing that? I’m sure Ballmer wouldn’t have a problem with it. Hmm…”
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Sonics leaving. A plan of action and revenge.
OK. So the Sonics are leaving. I’ve been trying to put into words how hurt and angry and horrified I am, as a sports fan, Sonics fan, and citizen of the United States of America but it’s just not coming out right, so it’s going to turn into some random angry thoughts:
First off, let’s stop blaming our local leaders. Yeah, they didn’t do much, but what could they do? What could any of us do? We’re just citizens of the United States of America. We traded in any actual power we may have had as CITIZENS during the Reagan Administration so that we could become CONSUMERS instead. And as consumers with, well, no money, turns out we don’t really have any power at all. Yeah. Good trade.
So don’t blame our state and local elected officials. Let’s blame Clay (Asshole) Bennett and David (Fucking) Stern. They’re the corporate lackies who forced this to where it is, they’re the carpetbaggers who stole a piece of our history and culture, and they’re the ones who have turned the NBA from something special into a not-so-profitable business.
Now we’ve blamed the right people. And once you’ve blamed the right people, what do we as good Americans do? No! We don’t invade Iraq. Stop that. We get Payback! Payback against the RIGHT people. Clay Asshole Bennett and David Fucking Stern.
Here’s how we gets us some good old fashioned-Mel-Gibson-Passion-of-the-Christ Payback!
First, David Fucking Stern and Clay Asshole Bennett are not allowed in our State ever again. I don’t know how to legally do this, but I’m sure there’s a way. We have the greatest state in the world. The west coast of Western Civilization. What do you do when a spouse leaves you, then insists on hanging around? You get a restraining order. Sorry Clay (Asshole) you will never get to see the sun set over Puget Sound or rise over Mt. Rainier, except maybe on YouTube.
Second, Let’s bring them down. Patty Murray, Maria Cantwell are you listening? It’s time for congressional inquiries into the NBA. Seriously. Do you know how sports teams make their money? The public teat. All of them. OK, fine, I’m for a little help to certain industries from government, but this jerking around of cities and pitting them against each other has got to stop. The value of these teams keep getting inflated by government hand-outs in the form of stadiums, luxury boxes and tax breaks, and that has to end. These swindling owners can’t claim to be "public institutions" and "just plain 'ol businesses" at the same time. Let’s get Congress to gut this sham.
Third, speaking of Congress, let’s nationalize the oil industry. You know how people keep accusing Democrats of being socialists but what do we ever even try to socialize? Health Care sort of, but not even that really. So fuck it. You wanna call us socialists? Howzabout we socialize the American Oil Industry? All energy in fact. Would there be a downside? Probably. But upsides? One: We probably wouldn’t be in the stupid war to privatize Iraq’s oil we’ve been in. Two: Income tax would be lessened by all the money we could make off the oil under OUR country’s land that we right now pay guys like Clay Asshole Bennett to take out of the ground for us, and Three: We could VOTE on the price of gas instead of being told to just bend over and take it by Four: people in the industry like Clay Asshole Bennett so that he can turn around and spend it buying our sports teams and moving them just because he was born with such a ridiculously small penis.
Fourth, Sir Mix-a-lot, your city needs you! Times like this call for devastating ridicule through rap! Hey, you know what? Clay Asshole Bennett and David Fucking Stern both have big butts and I can not lie! Start with that and run with it baby! I know you’ll make us proud!
Fifth, Let’s sleep around. OK. So this was like a marriage, and someone stole our wife. They lied about us to do it, kicked our name around and it got ugly, like, well a divorce. So what do you do in such a scenario? Right! Whore yourself to everyone in town. Show them what they’re missing. Yoo hoo! NHL! Can we have a team? We got 45 mill from our ex and we just wanna spend it all on you! MLS? Indoor Lacrosse? Oh yeah! You know Seattle’s hot to trot! In fact the best thing would be to bring back the ABA, which will be like sleeping with the NBA’s brother. Will we regret it? Oh yes, probably. Especially when we wake up one morning with an Arena Football team we have to cook an impromptu omelet for. But the main thing is that it will HURT Clay Asshole Bennett and David Fucking Stern. Every cheer we send up, every ticket we buy, every World Team Tennis Novelty Foam finger we buy, we’ll be letting them know what they could have had and they no longer get.
And that’s the way we get over this. We don't get over this. This is a soulless awful, shortsighted corporate idiotic move that makes no sense to anyone. Score it like this:
Seattle loses 41 years of History, loyalty, civic pride, and cheers.
OKC gains a business, a glorified expansion team, and a rich man's toy.
David Stern gains the ability to continue to blackmail local governments, the only way his poorly structured corporation can make money.
NBA fans lose rivalries, security, and the illusion that fans matter.
Sorry to just incoherently rant this week, but I'm stunned into incoherence but this incoherent move. Now if anyone needs me, I'll be getting drunk.
First off, let’s stop blaming our local leaders. Yeah, they didn’t do much, but what could they do? What could any of us do? We’re just citizens of the United States of America. We traded in any actual power we may have had as CITIZENS during the Reagan Administration so that we could become CONSUMERS instead. And as consumers with, well, no money, turns out we don’t really have any power at all. Yeah. Good trade.
So don’t blame our state and local elected officials. Let’s blame Clay (Asshole) Bennett and David (Fucking) Stern. They’re the corporate lackies who forced this to where it is, they’re the carpetbaggers who stole a piece of our history and culture, and they’re the ones who have turned the NBA from something special into a not-so-profitable business.
Now we’ve blamed the right people. And once you’ve blamed the right people, what do we as good Americans do? No! We don’t invade Iraq. Stop that. We get Payback! Payback against the RIGHT people. Clay Asshole Bennett and David Fucking Stern.
Here’s how we gets us some good old fashioned-Mel-Gibson-Passion-of-the-Christ Payback!
First, David Fucking Stern and Clay Asshole Bennett are not allowed in our State ever again. I don’t know how to legally do this, but I’m sure there’s a way. We have the greatest state in the world. The west coast of Western Civilization. What do you do when a spouse leaves you, then insists on hanging around? You get a restraining order. Sorry Clay (Asshole) you will never get to see the sun set over Puget Sound or rise over Mt. Rainier, except maybe on YouTube.
Second, Let’s bring them down. Patty Murray, Maria Cantwell are you listening? It’s time for congressional inquiries into the NBA. Seriously. Do you know how sports teams make their money? The public teat. All of them. OK, fine, I’m for a little help to certain industries from government, but this jerking around of cities and pitting them against each other has got to stop. The value of these teams keep getting inflated by government hand-outs in the form of stadiums, luxury boxes and tax breaks, and that has to end. These swindling owners can’t claim to be "public institutions" and "just plain 'ol businesses" at the same time. Let’s get Congress to gut this sham.
Third, speaking of Congress, let’s nationalize the oil industry. You know how people keep accusing Democrats of being socialists but what do we ever even try to socialize? Health Care sort of, but not even that really. So fuck it. You wanna call us socialists? Howzabout we socialize the American Oil Industry? All energy in fact. Would there be a downside? Probably. But upsides? One: We probably wouldn’t be in the stupid war to privatize Iraq’s oil we’ve been in. Two: Income tax would be lessened by all the money we could make off the oil under OUR country’s land that we right now pay guys like Clay Asshole Bennett to take out of the ground for us, and Three: We could VOTE on the price of gas instead of being told to just bend over and take it by Four: people in the industry like Clay Asshole Bennett so that he can turn around and spend it buying our sports teams and moving them just because he was born with such a ridiculously small penis.
Fourth, Sir Mix-a-lot, your city needs you! Times like this call for devastating ridicule through rap! Hey, you know what? Clay Asshole Bennett and David Fucking Stern both have big butts and I can not lie! Start with that and run with it baby! I know you’ll make us proud!
Fifth, Let’s sleep around. OK. So this was like a marriage, and someone stole our wife. They lied about us to do it, kicked our name around and it got ugly, like, well a divorce. So what do you do in such a scenario? Right! Whore yourself to everyone in town. Show them what they’re missing. Yoo hoo! NHL! Can we have a team? We got 45 mill from our ex and we just wanna spend it all on you! MLS? Indoor Lacrosse? Oh yeah! You know Seattle’s hot to trot! In fact the best thing would be to bring back the ABA, which will be like sleeping with the NBA’s brother. Will we regret it? Oh yes, probably. Especially when we wake up one morning with an Arena Football team we have to cook an impromptu omelet for. But the main thing is that it will HURT Clay Asshole Bennett and David Fucking Stern. Every cheer we send up, every ticket we buy, every World Team Tennis Novelty Foam finger we buy, we’ll be letting them know what they could have had and they no longer get.
And that’s the way we get over this. We don't get over this. This is a soulless awful, shortsighted corporate idiotic move that makes no sense to anyone. Score it like this:
Seattle loses 41 years of History, loyalty, civic pride, and cheers.
OKC gains a business, a glorified expansion team, and a rich man's toy.
David Stern gains the ability to continue to blackmail local governments, the only way his poorly structured corporation can make money.
NBA fans lose rivalries, security, and the illusion that fans matter.
Sorry to just incoherently rant this week, but I'm stunned into incoherence but this incoherent move. Now if anyone needs me, I'll be getting drunk.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Dick
Well, here's my second blog of the week, and it's appropriate with the Sonic's trial ending today that some of the amended lyrics involve our friend Clay Bennett. Enjoy.
Dick
by Winlar + GT
©2007
Says soon the left lane ends
So you should merge right over
But no, not you my friend!
You cruise past everybody
Then cut back in real quick
Because you deserve to cut in line
Cuz’ you’re a dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
You’re a dick dick dick dick dick dick dick.
You went and pulled me over
For an extra mile an hour or two
That’s how you save humanity
You shining knight in blue!
You could give me a warning
And not write up the tick-et
But we know that won’t happen because you…..
You’re a dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
You’re a dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
Bridge:
It’s self-important folks like you
Who make society work
So what if other people think
You’re a big dumb fucking jerk?
You just keep looking out for number one
The way you always do
That’s right Tim Eyman, I’m talkin’ to you….
You dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
You dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
You think the national anthem
Is the white folks property
And singin' it in Mexican
Makes you all vomity
It's an insult to your heritage
An outrage and a ploy
Yeah, you're a credit to your race there
European boy!
You racist Dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
You used your wealth and power
To pass upper class tax cuts
Yeah that’s just what this country needs!
No ifs ands or buts
Don’t mind it leaves our children
With a big ol’ deficit
What matters is you’re looking out for you…
Republican dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
You dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
Bridge 2:
Thanks for acting only out of self-interest and greed
Leaving messes to clean up for all us non-dickweeds
You know that you are number one and we’re all number two
Cheney, Rumsfeld, Boenner, Bush, Alito, Roberts, Frist, Delay,We're talkin’ to you
dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
Well you wanna move our Sonics
Down to Oklahoma City
But first you'll hold the town for ransom
No, that isn't shitty
Just take away our passion
And our loyalty and cheers
You don't owe us a damned thing after
Forty fuckin' years!\
Clay Bennett's a dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
Monday, June 23, 2008
A lullabye
Hey, I know, I missed my blog last week, so I'm going to try to pick up and put two on this week. But if you're really starving for some Winlar, check out www.reverbnation.com/winlar and you can listen to Winlar MP3's and become a "fan."
Anyway, an oldie but a goodie this week. Enjoy.
Anyway, an oldie but a goodie this week. Enjoy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Hungover in Heaven
Hung Over in Heaven
By Winlar + GT
2007
winlar@winlar.net
By Winlar + GT
2007
winlar@winlar.net
Asus D
I been after you girl for so long now
Asus D
And last night I got you, still not sure how
G D
I know we went out and we had a few drinks
A
And what happened next, well I just can’t think
But now I’ve awakened and right here you are
Still smelling a bit like the floor of the bar
I see that we’ve slept in ‘til well past eleven
A (then tacit)
It’s like I’m hung-over in heaven
I’ve dreamed of this night, and of this morning
I wasn’t prepared though as my only warning
Was when you were dancing to show off your charms
And fell off of the table and into my arms
Then we staggered up my stairs and down the hall
Driven by love, fate, and grain alcohol
Hearts heads and stomachs so furiously revvin’
It’s like I’m hung-over in heaven
(Bridge)
G D
If there’d been other bars not just yet closed
G D
Then maybe to my place you were not disposed
G D
I’d tried so before, but was always rebuked
A
Then you let me hold your hair back while you puked (Ahhhh)
Asus D
And finally you came to me that perfect night
Asus D
You got my name wrong but the rest was so right
G D
Why baby why d’you keep calling me “Kevin?”
A
It’s like I’m hung-over in heaven
So baby, let’s just lie in bed all the day
Now that you’ve finally proof I’m not gay
I’ll make you breakfast, an omelet and bacon
As my little thank you for love we’ve been makin’
Let’s stay here at my place, away from other men
And drink, baby, drink ‘til you love me again
Straight shots to our hearts. About 27
Let’s not get sober in heaven
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Why Obama Won
So, Barack Obama is our nominee. How did this happen? Can it be explained? Pundits will be discussing this one for a long time or at least until Brittany goes clubbing without panties again. So I thought I’d toss in my two-cents, which may not be well founded, or well explained, or by any standards grammatically correct but they have the advantage of being right.
Here’s what it boils down to:
The reason Obama won?
Obama has It.
That simple.
Don’t ask me to tell you what It is, because obviously if I could call it anything else I wouldn’t have to call it It, but Barack has It. Napoleon had It. FDR had It. JFK had It. Hell, Bill Clinton had It. Barack’s got it too and by it I mean It. You just watch him and you know. He was either born with, inherited, bought, or was infected by It, whatever, but It’s all over him. It the man has.
Hillary, on the other hand, does not have It. I’m sorry. She has a lot of things but she doesn’t have It. She didn’t have It in Iowa, she doesn’t have It now. She’s been desperately trying to get It, or at least rent It for a while, but she ain’t got It, and I doubt she’ll ever have It.
What she has is much more like Anti-It. She has negative It. She sucks the It out of other people. That’s how she’s stayed in the race so long. She’s been sucking the It out of Obama and that’s kept him from overwhelming us with his
Itness. She’s become an It sucking machine. It was a good strategy, but in the end, Obama just had more It than she could neutralize. Basic It physics.
That’s why she and Bill have a good marriage. (I know, you just spat out your drink reading that, but let me explain.) He’s got It, she’s got Anti-It and they thus form an It symbiosis. Perhaps the It and the Anti-It meet and annihilate each other like matter and anti-matter giving the couple a warp-drive like energy which has fueled their political ambitions to these lofty heights at speeds faster than light. I don’t know. We’re in the realm of pure speculation here and to attempt to fathom it further I’d need another six-pack.
Most political races boil down to just that. It versus Anti-It and It usually wins, at least in this political universe under these gravitational laws. That’s too bad for Hillary on this one, but great news for an It starved nation.
So will Obama win in November? Well, suffice it to say that John McCain can’t even spell It. He couldn’t hit It if It were water and he fell out of a boat. He probably doesn’t even know that there’s such a thing as It. He avoids It as if he were playing a game of tag. Etcetera, etcetera.
So yes, I’m feeling pretty good about this election campaign.
Viva la It.
--Winlar
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